I used to believe I was
born under the covenant, but I was not born under the covenant like
everything else I was adopted into the covenant which I'm sure is
some factoid in Mormonism. Just another way to cover the bases and
feel that you are accepted and brought in. Not that really matters a
whole hell of a lot now since I'm not really practicing not in the
least. However, I must say that like a great baseball player on
second base you only lead out so far. You always want to be close
enough to get back when you see that picture turn and blast that
baseball in your direction. Even when you are trying to beat the cow
hide covered or to the basement and just walked back to the bag
because you saw the picture look your way, you tag up just to be sure
you're safe, not unlike heading back to church after you clutch your
hands to your chest and collapse in the checkout line at Lucky's
grocery. It wasn't your time but you had to “tag up” you know
head back to church, start paying attention priesthood meeting,
double up on your tithing are start being nicer to the dog. It all
makes a difference.
I was a believer is no
question about it. I think at one time I had close to an ironclad
testimony. I got up and testimony me and exposed my faith to those
congregants. After all I'm a walking talking example of the power of
God/priesthood on this earth. And it worked for me. I always had
faith, I still have faith, whether as a child praying for protection
as I descended the steps to the storeroom under the house where he
kept the canned peaches that invariably was my job to get on Sunday
nights. I prayed every night before I went to bed that I wouldn't
have nightmares because I know I didn't pray I most likely would say
with the prayer for the prevention of cavities going nova on a
holiday weekend and writhing in agony Until I could get dental
attention. Even now as a nonbeliever I have pain of any kind I pray –
– I pray every night before turnover to sleep. It just feels right.
I think I wrote earlier this year about someone telling me that about
being atheist but still praying because it made them feel better when
they prayed I understand that. So I've taken out on myself but maybe
may or may not prayer is being answered it certainly has a good and
psychological affect on the prayer. I pray like somebody else chance
there mantra. If God is up there and he hears my rote prayer every
evening I hope he understands. I guess I'm a religious opportunist.
I've become aware of a
good friend of mine was also extremely LDS/Mormon. He knows many of
the mysteries I'm convinced that most Mo don't. He quietly and subtly
dropped the bomb that he was seriously considering realigning his
religious affiliation with our papal brothers. I wish I could be
serious and honest by saying this did not surprise me but it did. But
I must admit I'm glad and impressed (this guy always impresses me
regardless) he is following his heart. I mean there's a part of me
that says he's lost his faith and is following the mystery and the
beauty and the Rigor of an two millennial church. He doesn't really
believe, just like me and my evening prayers, it just feels good to
have something to hold onto as a get close to the end game. I mean
seriously secretly wolfing down wafers and washed down with a good
holy wine and slip it into the confessional. It could be worse he
could be having that late in life affair or coming out of the closet.
Either way I understand and accept them for who he is and hope he
never stops by my lunch.
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