I M Okay!

Yesterday was the six month follow-up for Stenosis two(S – 2)and ordinarily I would of just sort of shrugged the whole thing off as just another visit expecting do find out that evening was okay, however with the increased tone/spasticity I have been experiencing last couple weeks I have been getting quite concerned. I have been fabricating all kinds of boogies of what might be wrong: the return of us another stenosis perhaps above or below the fusion point; perhaps messing up the points where they actually put the hardware in my neck. I mean I spent a lot of time putting stress on my neck as I worked to overcome my losses due to S – 1 and S – 2 and just overall regained strength. I did put a lot of stress on those neck points are fusion points and I was beginning to fear that I had done some damage maybe even to the point of having to have a second or third operation.

We left, but we thought was more than enough time to make the trek up to the University medical Center. We were getting quite concerned as we got caught in traffic stoplights as we neared the University and the clock kept ticking closer to the time that we needed to be at the facility for the x-rays. We got there in time and I got the x-rays and then we waited don't know what was going on but we ended up waiting almost an hour past are scheduled time. Eventually Dr. Daley's minion did show up and we had a good visit. The best part being that everything looked good! The healing it taken very well the equipment looked in good condition and where was supposed to be an overall it was a great report. The minion indicated that what was happening with the increased tone may be just more healing issues going on indicating that it still could be another six months of healing that could be taking place. I was pleased because I can take the tone issues I'm dealing with now as long as it doesn't get worse and that if this is what is supposed to be happening I'm okay. I'm not in pain just a little bit of discomfort due to the spasticity in trying to get things done. Again I'm wondering how much of the tone is being brought about by the the wheelchair/power chair and may be it well decrease if we can get the fix is done to the chair that we would like to have done.

We drop the bomb that we pretty much want to discontinue their services and move my medical coverage to the IHC facility around the corner from my home. The minion indicated delete that would be not a problemany totally understood our rationale. He even indicated that he would keep the files open just in case and make sure that my records we shipped over to the new facility. Dianne and I shared a collective sigh of relief. We sure enjoyed the medical support we've received over this period of time. So I'm okay and now it's moving forward.

Good As New

There is no excuse for me to have as few postings to this blog as I am posting these days. Just not doing it which is sad because I'm capable so much more. Strange as it is the most important thing that happened to me this last week was the repair of my broken tooth. Seriously, the tooth took first place pushing my stenosis or non-stenosis to the back burner. I guess that just shows you where my priorities lie.

As you know I sheered off the front of my left front tooth! However as blessed beyond report because for the amount of enamel shed no nerve endings were exposed. I cannot believe how that happened but it did. To make matters worse when contacting my dentist he indicated he was overbooked, overwhelmed(his office person) and that I would not be able to get in for a week from that Friday which would been more than a week and I was terrified that my funky tooth which shed more enamel and eventually expose the nerve. However Dianne went to bat and got me in the coming Friday to assist three or four days and even that kind terrified me. However as the week went on and nothing happened to my tooth I became more and more confident that things turn out okay at least I would not find myself writing in bed in the middle of the night embedded in pain, oral pain – – the most painful dilemmas of them all.

Finally, Friday morning arrived. Friday the end of the work week and more important the last day for three day weekend for Memorial Day. I really expected the sea people lined up popped into the hall waiting for Drew's attention but when we got there I was almost all but deserted. I got stuck in the elevator will actually not stuck in the elevator elevator wasn't working in the repair guys there trying to get it going. He finally got the doors open and got me upstairs and time for my appointment didn't make any difference there was nobody else there except us. Don't know what they were thinking of what they didn't look slammed to me. Of course you to rewrite in and I love this chair because it allows me did just tip back and get writing the whole dental thing. I was spooked for a minute when after examination Drew indicate that I was in luck, I would not need any anesthetic! No anesthetic!! This of course was a faith experiment. You know like when you're in one of those weird groups and their leader has everyone to the right step behind the person and the person close their eyes and fall back having faith that person to the right will catch them. Well, that's just fine for touchy-feely but real-life, sitting in the chair tilted back, with a short statured gnome with a loaded drill is quite another act of faith. This truly is flying without a net. Of course Drew assured me the instant any discomfort was felt that he would stop and go to Novocain. Again well and fine, I'm the one who still going to feel the discomfort not him. Oh well.

I passed! I passed my ordeal of faith challenge. In 10 to 15 minutes Drew had smoothed out the broken tips of the tooth buffed up the rough edges of the fascia that had been exposed or lost and then applied his magic solution and built up the tooth to look like it's twin on its right-hand side. I'm always amazed at Drew's artistic side he really should've been a sculptor…I do not give the guy enough credit. He really is a good dentist and I have appreciated him be in there over the years. And Drew was right I felt no pain he drilled he buffed and sanded and smoke did come up little bit not much but I got out of the whole ordeal without Novocain – – I could actually eat something had I wanted to following the experience. Dianne says the tooth looks good but from the way the tooth feels my tongue it feels hugely oversized, blunt and ineffective but look at it in the mirror the tooth looks okay.

So got okay looking tooth, it's functional and will get me through a few more years hopefully. Still feels like a club compared to a knife as long as it gets you through a steak, tortillas are a morning burrito I'm okay. However, Drew did say I must stop using my teeth as tools…

It's Complicated

Last couple nights have been pretty rough. Come in on a couple weeks now maybe even a couple months, truth be told. My spasticity is increasing I have not want to admit it but I now have. I have noticed the increase in tone that only in the mornings when I'm trying to address but also lately I'm feeling the tone at night in bed. I now realize the tone is been but I've been trying to ignore it trying to find a better way to sleep, just in my weight here in body position there. My efforts have kind of work but the last couple days even that is beginning to fail.

Couple days ago when I went to my OT/PT session by therapist asked what I want to do, of course letting me make the decision, and I didn't have anything really especially in the area of occupational therapy. He usually just has me work on weights when I'm there at the facility. Many times he actually comes to my home and worked with me at the home front. Will on Monday I told him that a little concerned about my right hand and my forefinger that was not extending the way that usually did. So we begin massaging my hand indicating that the tendons her tight and he had seen seen that and was a little concerned. He then asked if I'd be interested in using the standing frame and of course I jumped at that. I really do enjoy getting up and the standing frames are fun for me in that aspect. So it was a bit of a challenge that took three of the staff but we did stuff me into the standing frame and got me up. We did this primarily because my tone was so great – – for those of you who aren't aware tone is the word used for spasticity. I didn't know this until they start throwing it around at the sniff and then the acute-care facility. So I was in the standing frame fighting the tone and little bit by little bit the foot tone began to dissipate. My OT had me up 20 minutes then he would lower me for about five minutes and then bring me up again for another 20 until I completed out the hour. It was a bit of a challenge but I enjoyed the experience. I did notice that my tone was diminished for the rest of the day, oh it was still there but nothing like before. i.e. even noticed when I went to bed less spasticity when I hit the mattress than usual which I thought was a good sign. Sometime around 2 o'clock I guess, I awoke to not necessarily pain and not necessarily tone but something was happening to my body and was uncomfortable – – not quite buzzing but soar like buzzing sort of like a burning sensation but not painful, not what I would envision has pain. But what I was feeling was definite discomfort and it frightened me. That's all I needed was one more thing to come undone. But soon the rest of the night I was awake trying to whether this new sensational storm of discomfort and it finally dissipated and became quite manageable. It took me a while to to link the discomfort to I think was the experience is standing in the standing frame so long. But I would do it again, I think. This experience with the experience of the tone is enough for me to force me to contact my doc, my neurosurgeon bring it out to him to see what they say. I have a couple of the docs I might run it past first just to see what they think about the severity of the situation. There's some other factors involved as well that will keep me from seeing the Doc or at least be in hospitalized for another 15 to 20 days – – it's complicated.

Now I relate that story to fill you in on what happened today. I just got back from the Goodwill store and picked up a couple books. I wanted to have some reading available in case unconfined for who knows how long. Dianne fixed the remainder of the soup she'd made earlier in the week and had some corn tortillas which is been warmed up. These were leftovers from last night soup and so they were crisp around the edges. As I bit into one I immediately crunched in the something stone like can of course it was enamel had broken my front tooth. I was flooded with all kinds of emotions mainly why now, why me, don't have enough on my plate? I waited but the pain did not come. I mean I lost a lot of my front tooth it should exposed the pulp but somehow the pain did not come. Then I realized even with all my tone I really don't have pain, discomfort yes no pain. I called my dentist and of course his overbooked try to put me off till next Friday but finally squeezed me in on this Friday, day after tomorrow. I'm just praying that the pain will hold off that long. I don't know how I'm going to eat until then especially hard foods not that I'm looking for hard foods to eat everything seems to go through the front teeth first so I'll have to figure that out.

So there you have – – I am one lucky dude. Have supposed to think before I could be in so much more pain and problems right now. So once again we need to suck it up and enjoy my life each day I have my life.

Knock At The Door

No actually I feel pretty good all things considered. I was up last night till 2 AM and y'all know how much I hate staying up late but last night was weird. I couldn't breathe my nose is all plugged up I think it may have been analogy I don't know but still it was pretty scary for me. It's not like this is never happened before it has and I go through all kinds of scenarios of my mind about what is going on. I should just accept the fact that I just have to wait it out and eventually I will start breathing again… But what if I don't? What if I have to go on oxygen start dragging around one of those green tubes. I just don't know how I could deal with that legacy do all the other old parts do. Still, don't want to have to do that they don't want to have to be scared in the middle of the night. But it's okay around 2 o'clock my nose started decongestant in a few minutes later I was asleep.

I didn't sleep long however I think I was probably awake by 5:30 AM or 6 AM. Tried to force myself to get back in the slumber land but it didn't happen and I knew that it wouldn't. Then I dropped the controls to my power bed or electric bed! This really is a fly got a fix got a figure out some way to have a book or something that will not let the trolls drop when I do it all the time and I got a stop. This morning I dropped the controls while my bed was tilted up and I was sort of high and it took me forever to snag the controls off the floor. Luckily had access to my bungee cord which I used to drag on the floor and snag the cord and drag up the controls allowing me finally to jump in my chair. This took at least an hour if not two hours because all the time I was just about falling out of the bed in fact my legs did fall off the bed and headed drag my ass literally backup onto the mattress.

Oh I forgot to say that last night Dianne found another wound up my ass and she dressed the wound with the magic tape and I pray it will stop the degradation of the wound. I don't know though I don't think it is and is cushion thing I noticed or worse me there's something inside my body saying it's time shutdown it's happy trails time. I hope not unlike to be around for a while longer will see. Seriously.

Once I was up it still took me a couple hours to get dressed and and I'm wearing shorts! Even if it's not the end of the world for me is it a view of things to come will I continue to debilitate at this rate? Can I stand that? I really need to get things done I really need to start doing things I have always wanted to do . Time is short in the here knock at the door…

Perspective Perspective Perspective

It's a cold and rainy Sunday, quite a shock after yesterday's 84° and lots of sunshine but lots of wind. I knew today was coming but still I miss the warm weather. It must be patient. However the upside is that you spend a great deal of the day in my chair leaning back to take the weight off my butt. Last night getting to bed after Dianne gave me shower and found skin breakdown on my right hip. It's small but still a skin breakdown which raises all kinds of red flags. I'm not sure what the culprit is but I sort of think it's the cushion I've been using the last couple days. It's got a harder surface than I have been using. And I think that is caused the skin issue. Dianne of course put a dressing on the wound site.. I am also wondering if the foot pedals may have some impact on the wound as well. The hangers have a lot of good points going for perhaps the best is that it certainly reduces my size of the chair making a lot easier to get around in the house. But my right foot keeps coming off the plate I think it causes spasticity as well as pressure on that right hip. I could get really depressed with this information as well as feelings it causes but put in perspective with issues many of my friends with disabilities are going through I have to be thankful that we caught it in time and hopefully about the blogger under control. I have noticed with these hangers that getting dressed is also a major challenge as well as transferring from the bed to the chair. So I think perhaps tomorrow I will try to change out the foot pedals for the old boxes and deals those until we figure out a new system. We should be meeting with the durable medical guy this next week sometime and hopefully he will have some answers. Hopefully will also get a new more protective cushion. Still, it's sort of slows me down and limits what I'm able to do – – again perspective, perspective, perspective.

First World Problems

10:30 AM And I'm up rolling around the house, Basically dressed and trying hard not to have meltdown. It's not that I have not had my morning coffee hate to be so shallow as to have my coffee are not had my coffee be the the D terminer of my day. However it is true,I have not made the coffee Because the coffeemakers not plugged in and I cannot reach the plug-in or the wall socket to plug the coffee maker in – – after that is just a simple matter of pushed the “on”. Also I noted when I got up this morning transferring to my power chair from the bed that my power chair had not been charged even though Dianne , last night, took special efforts to ensure the charger was plugged into my chair. Somehow, sometime yesterday the power source from the wall to the charger is been interrupted or unplugged. It is just so frustrating To have so many things seemingly important in my life out of my control. Coffeemaker this is the second time this week someone has unplugged the coffee maker for whatever reason and not plugged the device inWhen they were finished. In all honesty I think I may have been the one who unplugged the coffee maker when I had The can opener plugged in when I had to open a can of peppers. The issue is I cannot reach the plug-in/wall sockets. The best solution I think is to run some sort of a power strip behind the coffee maker or to the side of the coffee maker. There are three or four devices on the coffee island or the coffee pan: Coffeemaker, coffee grinder and can opener. Now I don't mind plugging and unplugging the device to operate just like can reach the socket plug-in that I get my frustration going. So if we had a power strip plugged into the socket That I can reach I will still have access the power via the strip solving the problems.

Now the problem with the power chair is another issue is just hard to tell if you charging unless you actually have access or able to see the green charging light. Just have to make sure all things are Plugged and working. One alternative to this issue is to have access to other chargers and I do have access to other chargers but not accessible to me at the present in a fit of cleaning frenzy a few weeks ago I had all the chargers rounded up stuffed into a box thrown up on a shelf and I can't reach. Sure enough now that I need them I do not have access to them. So now I'm going to Get one of the chargers and place it where I can reach it so I can use it when I need to. The upside of this whole problem is that I still have probably have to charge on my chair which means I can get about anyplace I need to get to today without problem. I just have to make sure I keep an eye on the power indicator. And I might even today if I can get one of the Chargers operational plug-in to a charger and read a couple hours our work on the computer while my batteries charge enough for the rest the day.

True, these are truly First World problems I know but Third World are not these are my problems with my responsibility to get it fixed.

Funny New Guy--FNG

I was supposed to have physical therapy today but it just so happens that I also have a meeting with my internist today as well. This is the same internist I was supposed to have met with a month ago when I was trapped in my van with lift that would not deploy. This was to be met first time meeting with the Doc and since I stood him up once before and did not think it wise to do it again. In fact so committed to today's meeting that that even drove my power chair to the docs office choosing to not ride in the van for fear of a duplication of events.

My internist's office is not far from the house in fact it's in the same complex of buildings where I was recently housed for my acute rehab phase. This is a new medical home complex – – everything I need medically speaking is here or at Tosh which I've written about already. I don't know why but I have been somewhat dreading this meeting with the Internist. The doctor was recommended by my physiatrist and for some reason I just didn't trust My physiatrist. I know this is irrational but hey It's the way I was feeling. I was surprised because I thought I was going to be Dianne to the building but she passed me as I was pulling into the medical complex. We caught up with each other at the front door and on up. We checked in and waited – – The wait was not too long And eventually we had our intake person/Dr./intern begin the process which was quite lengthily. I have to admit I was pretty impressed with the amount of time this Doc spent with us. Dianne informed me that having an intern do the workout is not a bad thing since they are new and are trying to do as good a job as they can which in some cases better than the old pros. This of course made sense to me and it's how I felt at the end of the interview. It was then we were allowed to speak with the new doc I'm going to be working with now on on all things medical.

I was quite astounded when the new doc walked in with flowing, long brown hair And sharp chiseled features Looking like a Simpson character come to life. The guy was you in fact I would've thought the interim was the attending in the attending the engine had I not known better. Dianne was smitten which ensure is more than normal. But the guy seems to know we still and I know my doc, the physiatrist , but not directly wrong. I have to admit I was more than impressed with the selection. I think I'm going to look forward to working with my new doc.I am not sure how these docs all will work together but they seem to be interested in doing so – – all the files can be accessed by these medical guys – – these medical young guys who knows everything about medicine and new technology at the two to get some of the medical superhero. However I know they are not that's okay Sometimes just the illusion is enough.

Mourning

I don't think I'm depressed actually I think I'm actually doing pretty good. I am home at min assistAnd looking forward to more independence and on the involvement with my physical therapist and occupational therapist. However it seems that I am mourning Something. I think I may have resisted this at first that I am morning something but I realize I've been talking about having to accept the “new me” a lot these days, Enough that I think folks are becoming concerned.

Over the past couple weeks I've had it drilled into my head by OT/PT and Mds that I am not the person I used to be especially since the operations and neck fusions have endured the Past few months or year or so. I've had to realize that rather try to do the things that I used to do accept the fact that it's not the same body that I used to have and sadly it will never be the same body that I used to have. I know this is not rocket science it should be easy to accept it is taken me a while to get this frame of mind. And suppose I guess I could be mourning the light I recently gave up when I chose to have spinal surgery for the stenosis issues – – and I didn't have a choice I had to have this work done are I was going to have to give up a lot more than I have. So I'm glad that I had the work done and now I'm just dealing with becoming the new me, the new medications, the dull affect, the trying harder just to maintain what was so simple before. I'm thankful however, that with all this I have to accept I can do this at home with equipment that allows me to preserve my self-respect and independence and the loving and supportive wife And family which allowing me to do all this.

You Are What You Eat – – Friday Musings

One of the largest challenges I face in my life is being overweight. I cannot believe how overweight I am. 60 years ago or even 50 years ago that you asked or told me that I was going to be overweight fat I would've told you you're up the night. There is no way I would be overweight as much as I am today. However life has a way of creeping up on – – meal after meal after that significant disability that truly challenges you as far as losing weight goes. I can probably blame a lot of people in a lot of situations for my condition of being fat but in the end I have to blame myself. I am the one who ate all the calories that make me who I am today.

My weight gain came to a head during my stay at the skilled nursing facility from November to March of this last year. I was served regular large meals. I did not realize what I was doing eating the way that I was, I kind of figured that they had a dietitian on staff who prepared our meals with weight gain in mind but boy was I wrong on that. I think I gained 20 pounds while at the sniff – –Then when I got to acute-care I realized what I had done and I counseled with their dietitian and developed at least basic weight reduction plan which basically was limiting myself to 1800 cal a day – – 600 a meal. And I have been maintaining ever since plus Dianne has me on probiotics which I'm not really sure what that is something is working. I have lost about 20 pounds since we started this regimen. It's kind of hard to be hungry all the time but the end result I'm sure will be well worth being constantly hungry. I'm going to try to maintain the diet for as long as I can if not for the rest of my life. I guess it's only natural to realize food is your enemy at some point in your life and take steps to minify the results of eating to the system. I know if I can lose a significant amount of weight my whole life we better i.e. dressing, toileting, transfers and appearance – – the whole 9 yards. It's hard though at least I think it is but really 600 cal is quite a bit once you get used to and don't fudge when family meals are involved. And not to forget the exercise piece. I'm fortunate to have a arm bike An upper gym. Now I just have to use them religiously.

I love to cook and actually I love to eat. I love to eat things that are good for me butter, turkey skin, bacon and eggs, steak and potatoes really things that make life worth living but really do you in.But this is the new me and this is the new life I have to live it's not like the old life and I have to accept that. This I can do.

Extortion Plane And Simple!

Finally I will attempt to blog that has nothing to do with my current rehabilitation or disability. I know that strange but let's see if we can do it. One of the delights of my life is being able to do simple tasks around the house. I mean there really is not a whole lot that I can do. I don't mow the lawn, however I kind of help holding the electric cord to the lawnmower Dianne (who does mow the lawn) has an easier task. I don't or can't do a lot of stuff men traditionally do round the house. Appliance repair, cleaning the garage, house painting inside or out even things like changing light bulbs is out of my domain. However I can wash dishes. In fact I have asink which was constructed for me—built low enough for a wheelchair user to use. Dish washing is one of the activities I have missed most the past year or so I have been incapacitated or away from home. So, I was bummed when my sink began backing up: thick, grainy black ugly gunk from the bowels of the sewer. Dianne's sink was spared for awhile but eventually the big sinks were also backing up.

Dianne worked all the remedy's we have used in the past, boiling water, Draino and Draino clones by the gallon and of course the blue water snake but nothing would move the mass. Some times the sinks would empty overnight but always fill up when either of the sinks were used. We finally had to swallow the bitter pill and call the plumber! We use the Anytime Plumber guys. They are a bit more expensive but they're quick to respond, clean and nice. Anytime also seems to be honest and drive beautiful red trucks.

Yesterday my therapy day so I was gone when Tyrle, the plumber arrived—when I got there were tools everywhere. Tyrle and Dianne were at the table going over the options and probable bill. It was not pretty scene. Tyrle was on his phone calling base with his findings. Tryele seemed like a nice kid but Tyrle was only the messenger, the writer of numbers—the great decider would come later with final judgment. The great and terrible Nick. And true to Tyrle's foretelling great and terrible Nick did show up with a had written ledger with a number of bottom lines each way more expensive then the last. Nick seemed like a nice guy in an arm broker sort of way. Nick is stocky, quite broad but not fat. Nick is solved like a bouncer at a bar you don't want to mix it up with our miss a payment. He shaves his head so Nick has got this bullet Head being going on. Nick's sly he's been doing this for a long time knows how to put it across knows how to cross the bottom-line, at a push the buttons let the customer twist until just the right moment and then reel him in. He goes over each one of the option plans from the basic to the Cadillac. Then place the document in front of you like us full house hand of cards and wait for your decision. It's a bit of a racket I understand but still have to appreciate the finesse with which Nick pulled it off. He finally went over plans that went as high as $17,000 that they would be willing to contract out over time. He could tell we were not going to go for anything like that. It was then he suggested a much cheaper plan that he characterized as a crapshoot for cost infinitely less than the other options – – a crapshoot with the year warranty. We took it less than 500 bucks it look like a walk in the park comparatively speaking. So we made it through the day the wallet a little lighter but now it was gird up our loins the electrician comes on Thursday

Home Visit 2

Today was a home visit from the physical therapy side of my outpatient regimen through I HC. Overall we've been impressed with home visits we have received from the professionals at Intermountain healthcare. Today's visit however was less than stellar and I'm not really all that surprised but still a little bit shocked. I hesitate about writing anything because I hate to be a bitch and moaner and especially since these things seem to come back on me. But I will outline a little about event just for my own feelings.

We were a little shocked this morning while we were having coffee when not in the door and was the folks from my rehab facility. There are actually in our earlier then we were expecting. I had my computer generated schedule listed for 10 o'clock and it was nine. This early hour pretty much set the tenure for the rest of the visit.I guess if there is an agenda for this visit that would Have been Trying to figure out what kind of manual wheelchair I could use. The chair I have now is just I guess too small for me with my weight gain in such of the last couple years. I do use it from time to time not much Since stenosis II At the home but I did use the chair a lot at the sniff and acute-care facility. Once again I really do enjoy the freedom manual chair gives me specially around the house. I can use a lot of appliances and facilities of the house better in a manual chair then the power chair.

I have been working with this therapist for a couple weeks since I began my outpatient therapy she's okayJust a little meh.We went through the house and looked at all the accessibility features we have incorporated in the place or the time we've lived here. We spent the majority of the time looking at my manual wheelchair trying to figure out exactly what I needed and what could be used. Just afraid whatever is suggested not be what I need but I do hold the hope that whatever is finally considered well more fully meet my needs in the last manual chair prescribed. At least these folks came out to my living environment and saw what I needed to get around and do what I want to do in my home – – and this is where I will spend the majority of my time in the manual chair. And again it possible I would like to spend the majority of my time when in the house in my manual chair for a host of reasons most specifically to cut down on the wear and tear I tend to have on walls and floors and whatever else comes in contact with me.

We actually transferred out of my power chair into my manual chair and I did the role to the kitchen open the refrigerator close the refrigerator, roll under the cooktop and roll under the sink. The transfer was less than perfect and not very pretty but we make the jump. It was nice being in the manual chair but I knew if I were to be in the chair law I would be spending all my time push myself back into the chair. That's just the way it is. I hope as it was weight there will be less belly drag and I'm in the manual chair. Maybe they'll even give me a chair that I can use – – or suggest the chair that I can use that would allow me this fear of sliding out.

I felt a little disheartened as they left but relieved they were gone. I really don't expect a lot to come out of this meeting but who knows she just might get a home run and a home run is always appreciated.

Sticky Wheel

Me and my Arjo

A couple years ago we bought what is commonly called a patient left. The lift was used that was all hydraulic and all electric. We got the lift when I separated the state at my retirement when I got a lump sum payment for vacation days taken. We thought the lift would be a good investment For times coming down the line. Little did really realize just how much we would need such a device. As you know, those of you who read this, couple of years ago I had my first stenosis operation which left me significantly disabled– – More so than have ever been and needing this left more than I thought I would. Dianne down the lift online One of her many searches. The lift of course was used but at a good price. We've enjoyed the purchase every day that we use the left.

I don't know when the caster failed or began to fail. We first noticed the problem when the page staff we were using started complaining about wheel sticking on the left. The casters of course are supposed to swivel freely making pushing the left back and forth from the bed to the toilet, shower and back to bed and easy task. The sticking caster though made Pushing the device with the person loaded in sling namely me major chore. We have suffered with this more than a year. Actually last summer I began the process of trying to find a replacement caster then But became defeated when the person needed to visit with was not available for one reason or another, classic getting caught in the institutional minutia of business. Then came the whole issue of hospitalizations,, operations and rehabilitation. We have been doing well since I returned home from the acute care facility except for the issue of the lift with the sticking wheel. So this week I want my tasks to be fixing the problem. Today I spent a good hour On the phone getting home the folks Arjo and I did it. I called Arjo international and eventually wound up with Arjo Central which is a Colorado. My dismay I found my left is obsolete meaning they do longer make parts for the device. So I did find somebody at the Colorado plan a great person and René who actually went and rifled through the bends and found the last caster for my model of Arjo. I found what I needed. We ordered the part and hopefully the part has been shipped and we should give it a couple of days. The cost was $181! I cannot believe it. I hope the part works and fixes the problem Of the sticky wheel.

Home Visit! :-)

Another week I have missed my Assist, Inc. meeting. I have mentioned in the past that I volunteer to sit on the board/advisory board for Assist, Inc.It's a minor responsibility that I've enjoyed being part of over the years. I'm the only male on the board the others are ladies who are even older than I. We meet for an hour each Tuesday morning and then take off and do what we have to do. I've not been to this meeting for six or eight months now since this whole stenosis thing took place. Dave runs the board is always made sure that I have space or place on the board whenever I did well enough to return. I'm well enough now that I could do the volunteerism. However I am now doing the outpatient rehabilitation and it seems our sessions have fallen either during my Assist meetings are soon enough afterwards that I would not be able to be home in time in downtown Salt Lake to do the rehabilitation I need to be doing. So I plan to put my volunteerism off yet another piece of extended time to see what happens.

Today was a home visit from my occupational therapist Casey. Casey is exuberant fellow bursting with ideas generally wanting to help wherever you can. Is actually a bit of a craftsman working with wood and loves to rip up solutions to problems whenever he can. I think we have a lot in common at least on the wood from the only difference is Casey actually has woodworking skills I do not. I almost feel guilty having Casey do this woodworking that he is volunteering for. Hopefully he can justify enough of it so that he can use his work time to manufacture the items he deems will assist me in becoming more independent. Today's meeting, for which he was late 30 minutes, ended with him having the idea to build a housing for my sticks that I use in dressing. Is actually going to manufacture a piece of furniture which will not only told by sticks but also close that I plan to wear that day. If he can whip it out like he says it would be a really nice piece of work. He also has volunteered to install the wall a device for my screen TV. Again, he uses a very broad definition of what he can do to help me in my independence. It's all right with me – – however like I said I feel a bit guilty.

Today was a home visit I did not have to get up early, did not have to drive in the rain and cool weather over to the facility for my therapy. I came out a winner all around. There was some talk about me doing transfers from my chair to the bed and back which certainly would be a workout. Needless to say, I got out of that. I don't know if that was a good move or not I need probably all the help with transferring and such. I'm going to start however focusing on transferring onto and off of my power chair to my manual chair which I really want to use a lot in the house. When I am in my power chair at the house I can do a lot more I believe it's just something like a sentence when I am in my manual chair because I can only do so much, range so far. The best of both worlds is when I can be in my manual chair and jump into my power chair when I need. Right now that's not such a big deal but it will be as the weather gets better and I can take off when I want to. It's also collectively need to be in my manual chair in the morning nebula ADLs I just have to be sure that I have the manual chair secured when I make my jump from bed to the chair.

I really like and the home visit I really think they come up with a lot of information and solutions for what my needs are – – even these I don't even know which I think that's what professionals are for.

Becoming A BetterMe

It was cold and dark and gloomy this morning as I sat up and headed out the door for my outpatient there. The weather is going to be cold and rainy all week as we pushed through April, sweet , spring April. And cannot blame April from four weather or what feels like or what is April the month change the world is pushing itself up on its great axis so the sun might more fully and directly heat are part of the globe with the temperatures and the days I love. So, more snow in the mountains more rain in the valleys the grass is growing out of control and I am sitting in my house warm and toasty smelling a wonderful roast roast and thinking great thoughts for dinner.

Therapy was okay today. It was only an hour of physical therapy with Stephanie and that's okay I'm getting used to this therapist, likely – – in my opinion. I'm still making up my mind and trying to be open-minded. I am finding she is teach the stuff that I can use in my daily life as a person with a disability. I don't know how much I'm going to use her methodology of transfers and such but she is basically right course – – best practices along. I just know how I do my stuff it seems to work but I continue to challenge myself to keep an open mind as to these other forms of physical therapy and get what physical therapy I can that is helpful. Like with this therapist I get a little stretching not like I got in acute rehab but still stretching. I am doing some work and focusing on transferring. May have to reconsider what I want to accomplish with the time I have with the PT.

I'm so impressed with what we've accomplished so far this year. I'm so pleased that Dianne suggested we relocate our medical family to the death Star. The best part about being part of IMC's medical family is the convenience and professionalism of the programs we are using. Not that I could not get to any of the facilities that I was receiving physical therapy/occupational therapy from before I could take hours and a major part of my day. Now I can drive my chair over to TOSH and probably 7 to 10 minutes maybe a little longer but not much. It's a safe indirect role just enough to let me know that I've gone out that day. Staff at Tosh are professional and fun. Maybe just me and such unique find for them there excited to know what I know which I know sounds weird somewhat smug but it seems true. I'm loving this part of my outpatient rehabilitation.I was a bit disappointed at just one hour rehabilitations for me but at the same time when my therapist encouraged me to stay on and workout, use the weights in a Wellness fashion I thought about it but my eyes were drawn to the window next to the clouds dark menacing billowing up threatening to unleash moisture which I did not want to become up in. I thought about lifting weights but knew I could use my arm bike and play around the weights I have the house and be just fine. Maybe I will go in tomorrow and lift weights.

It's a wonderful spring day, will be in my room with my computer my art supplies and awaits I think I'm becoming a better me.

Easy Does It

I'm a little worried about me and what I need to be doing as far as I continued rehabilitation/independence is concerned. When I was in the sniff as well as well as being cheap rehab facility and begin using my manual chair almost every day. I like the manual chair I need to be using and it was good for me to use it while I was in those facilities. I had every intention of continuing the use of that chair once I got home one reason particularly to save the house I am infamous for destroying things and particularly the house. My line of thinking beings that if I'm not things powerful and will be destroying the home front and I really believe that, however now they been home three weeks have not been in my manual chair once.

I really do love the manual chair but it does not love me or at least my body – – it's not the manual chairs fault. That sure has faithfully remain the same it is I who has changed. While I was in the sniff I inadvertently put on about 20 pounds!! I can't believe that put on 20 pounds I was heavy before or have even I should have been attending: add 20 pounds is criminal need to be whipped and whipped hard I don't know everything and be able to lose this weight however I'm trying right now. I'm actually on the diet and trying to stay true to that diet. I got on that diet while I was at the acute-care facility. Anyway back to the manual chair. Of course all the weight went right to my stomach and what I am feeling is that the extra drag of my stomach actually is for me off my chair what I freak out. So I really can't use the manual chair like I was intending. I'm going still going to force myself into the chair. I need to be using it especially around the House. What is that each day I'm finding that don't need to use it like I once thought that I did. I thought for some time the only way I could get dressed was in my manual chair but I have found, to my astonishment and pleasure, that I can actually get dressed in my power chair and with my tools and my power chair's ability to tilt in place and find it easier than anticipated to get dressed and undressed. I need the manual chair when I'm in the chair the Quickie I can surgically get around the house much easier than in the middle power chair. I can cook wash dishes and maybe workout with the weight equipment better with the quickie. Sure, there are drawbacks with the quickie and some of the weight equipment just because I am so white in the manual chair that the weight I'm trying to lift outweighs me and I shipped all over the place in the manual chair but I think I can overcome that given the long-term. I kind of think I need a deeper buckets in the chair to shove my ass into. Something that will keep me in the chair. I've even thought of perhaps putting a security belt on the chair somehow the lock me in. It might be worth exploring been having to get a whole new chair right off.

Garbage can shown at the top of page is a victim of my power chair there are walls in the house that is also incurred much physical trauma. I really trying to be better I know I can be better using the power chair's is just so easy.

I Am Just A Tool

It's kind of weird my new schedule where I am only going in for OT/PT once or twice a week. And specifically this week where my OT is coming to my house to work with us in the home setting. I don't What it is but it feels like there are a few lite. And once I said that I feel that's not entirely true either. Just when I do go I get a full hour to hour workout seems just not what I was used to getting before in either the sniff or the acute care setting. I am transferring a little and that's okay but I'm no longer getting stretched and I was sort of getting into The stretching. And even though I don't seem to be doing as much in the OT PT I still am getting a full workout it feels very tired went down but I really work aren't focused on specific details. Like yesterday I spent seem like a good hour just pushing myself up, are trying to push myself up to the quadruped position which is pushing myself up to my hands and my knees and then the therapist either has me sit back on my hunches which stretches my leg muscles to a certain degree or do push-ups and I Really should put push-ups in quotation marks because there really lite push-ups. And I should acknowledge the fact that yesterday was a no charge session. My therapist Stephanie was out of town on a wedding. So little Jed, the physical therapist students/trainee provided my therapy. Jed is a good job, he's just a little goofy. Actually a little honest. He's all focused on what the therapist should be so is all overprotective – – and really that's what you're therapist are too that's kind of funny See them all poised to catch the second I start doing face plant are something. Each is hyper focused.

I was in the facility, the acute rehab, the Doc messed around with my medications a little bit. I'm still getting almost hyper tone but I am living with the tone fairly well most of the time. The tone is significant to the point that the Doc prescribed me Zanaflex which I guess is another heavy duty medication for spasticity are tone. I was hesitant to go on another zoner but to help me sleep and really, my spasticity I was willing to give it a shot. However, everything comes at the cost and this cost is the fact that it zones me under – – you know like that you under a layer of cotton. I wasn't sure if that was happening, I sensed I was a little more tired than usual but it's hard to tell since I often sleepy from lack of sleep. But it was yesterday when interacting with Jed that the nonchalantly indicated that I was perhaps a little more dull than I used to be. I heard this a little bit before from other therapists and I really didn't put much stock into comments however when Jed said I was a little more dull it took hold. You don't know why that bothers me much, Just comment just brought home how much my affect must've changed. And really I can't see I am that much different but I must be people are noticing..

I am hoping with time my body will build up resistance to whatever property of the drug is causing my affect to change. I don't also have a dozen I guess so what I will just be less sharp than the other tools in the shed after all I guess are all just tools in the end .

Making The New Me

I'm the little worried about myself. I'm set nice little gym in my home. I have machine that I can do rows on and presses and even a little bit of rickshaw if I want to go through the trauma of doing a rickshaw without a rickshaw. Plus I have my ever present Saratoga Silver which I love but it seems that something has happened to me and I can't seem to reach the crank as well as I used to. I used it once in that time I've been home – – actually that's twice. I need to work out with the machine every day are some form of everyday routine. I finally figured out if Dianne inserts pillow tween the side of my chair and the right side of my body, which pushes me more upright and straight in my chair ,straighter which allows me to get a fairly decent stroke on the pedals or hand pedals. That is good I can get back to using my machine. Before I used to do the machine every day when I was not at Wellness which was like every other day. Now I'm only at outpatient rehab once maybe twice a week. I need to be using my equipment much more. In fact since I only have outpatient therapy twice a week and one of those days of rehab/OT will be out my house. This is way cool in that it allows the OT/PT's to see how I do things at the house and possibly what mistakes I might be making our but I could be doing better to make my rehabilitation even better for me. I'm so fortunate that I have ran into professionals that believe the home environment is a key and important piece is not viable to the rehabilitation occupational therapy process. Just makes sense to me and I sure appreciated their ability and willingness to assist me in this next most important step of my new life. I need to find and use everything at my disposal to bring about the new me.

Yesterday I even dug out my thera– bands, different colors of elastic bands indicating different strengths of resistance that you can use to do passive exercises. They really believe in that much at first couple years ago when I was first exposed to them I thought it was sort of like a training copout however since I've used them I have notice and defining of muscle as well as general relief of shoulder pain and general strengthening. I do not know why it's taken me so long to integrate the bands I can do my daily regimen but now I think I have. I think part of the issue was how I used to secure the bands in place.

 Since I've come home I just changed and the anchors I used to use for my Thera bands are no longer around so I've used some of the equipment in my room/weight room. Once again I think I'm fighting my impatience that I think I need to be doing this overnight in getting back to where I was at before the operations and the bottom line is: I can't return to where I was that me is no longer relevant, That me is no longer available – – I have to make use of the new me who I am becoming and who the new me is to be.

New Beginnings Once Again

I am beginning my second week here at the house following my discharge from acute care at the hospital. It's been challenging to be back home – – don't get me wrong I love being home  and taking some time and patience getting back to where I was at before I left for this second stenosis operation. I think the great lesson I keep getting is that this is not the same house that I left a rather I am not the same person that was in this house that left. I am coming home are remarkably different person with significant differences than I had. I'm having to relearn how to do everything again simple things like dressing, making coffee, fetching things out of the refrigerator and especially things like toileting, showering and laying out my life and belongings.

For example I love my new room, which is really my old room but it has been painted, cleaned, decluttered and actually made accessible. However having said that, I'm having to figure out how to use the room. The great area they made for my art station has been taken over by my IT equipment and then back to the pullout drawers on my dad's Bureau which is okay but probably not ideal. Considering now how to make this my workstation/workstation. I also have issues trying to use my Saratoga silver. I don't know what is happening but I can't get close enough to the bike to really use it and I really need to get back into my physical regimen. I can feel myself getting weaker every day or maybe that's all my head. I should not worry about regressions so much. In fact I am going to my second set of sessions over at Tosh this afternoon. So hopefully I'll keep gaining strength in progress from over there and then work into any of the physical things I have here at the house. I found light-colored elastic bands or working on my arms a I am going g to figure out a way to make my Saratoga Functional for me.

I've really grown to like my new bed or mattress,, and finally deliciously wonderful sleep in or on the same holds true for the shower bench/chair it's really nice the shower. I feel safe and I'm able to watch myself a great deal independently. I still amusing the sling more than I would like to but still less than I was thinking I would have to so I should rejoice in muted blessings.I am really excited that I'm able to dress probably in the 95% level. It is a struggle I must admit getting my feet up over my Legs when I'm sitting down but I'm finding I am able to put my pants on and actually get my pants pulled up almost over but that's just great! I think it will be much easier once the weather finally stabilizes and we get heat and I begin wearing my short pants on a regular basis that should be much easier to dress hopefully I can continue to lose weight and be able to push myself with myself up and dressed myself by the time winter gets here. If I am so blessed to live through another season of winter.

It's a good day this day the beginning of the week/workweek. I am home, I am loved, I am fed, and I am being encouraged and I am becoming more and more independent… For the first time once again.

Routine

I've been home now for about four days and things are beginning to look better. I've been having difficulty transferring from the chair to the bed and that the chair but today I transferred all on himself from the bed to my powered wheelchair totally unassisted. This was a big first for me since coming home. I was actually rolling around the kitchen and had made coffee and Dianne got up this morning. I have the radio on listening to NPR and was begin to feel like my self and that was great. Last night we actually did toileting and a shower in the shower chair and everything perfect. It was frightening how well it went. I think we might be able to do it without home health for attendant care. Sometimes I get frustrated and wish I could be back just the way that I was but Dianne has given me the support and encouragement I need to feel successful.

Yesterday I really didn't do much as I was in the manual chair just trying to stay balanced and push myself around the house. We didn't have anywhere to go so it was low-key. But today things are getting done in the field fairly accomplished. We actually went to the outpatient Clinic and met my physical therapist and occupational therapist who are we working with the next bunch weeks. The clinic is just a few blocks away from my home and very easily managed with my power chair. Facilities are clean and well run and has all equipment I need to get back into my strength building programs. I am really excited that this facility has a Wellness type program which allows/encourages folks with disabilities to come in workout on their equipment free of charge! I mean and I was in the Wellness program from the University of Utah that program cost me $35 a month and had to travel all over the Valley to get to the place taking them to four hours of my day. Now I can do the same thing and get there and back in just about 15 minutes I don't think I could want more.

I really like my manual chair but I'm finding that perhaps I really can't use it anymore as effectively as I used to at least not right now. Perhaps, if I lose some weight and get my spastisity more in control I might be able to use the chair effectively again around the house. However for the time being it looks like my best bet might be my power chair which means it must be extremely careful around the house not take away from the work family is done over the last four months.

So little bit by little bit each day and developing a routine that that feels good.t all

New Beginnings Hard Beginnings

I'm home! I have actually been home three days and I have found the transition to be very challenging. Really quite spooked about the whole affair.. It is nice to have access to a quick and clean computer again try to write with. A little tablet is just about given out I think I've worn around altogether. I've started the process of looking for another small system but consider driving my feet on the whole process not Wanting to spend any more money than I have to right. There's just so much that I need to write about the last hundred and some days that boggles my mind. I wish I had done better job Of blogging aand perhaps even more importantly have been able to upload images during my stays at this sniff or the acute rehab facility. What I may do, because it's so much after-the-fact is just add a number of blog entries which kind of describe the times I had at the two facilities and be able to add a couple of images that were taken at those points in time.

The house is beautiful Dianne in the family worked very hard in remodeling making me house more livable for me which really humbles me a great deal. I have a new bed, I have a new range,, shower chair in my computer room has had a major do over. It is almost too much for me to get my mind around the whole shebang – – it's like a major gift. I now have to live up to the gift. I have to lose weight gain more strength and be able to be more independent. All those are going to be major challenges for me. I sometimes don't know if I can do it but I'm going to give it a try. Tomorrow, I meet with the folks over at Tosh to see what outpatient therapy is going to be like. Dianne had to do a major amount of advocating for me but was able to give me an within a week following my separation from the acute facility at IMC. I just hope I'll be able to make my commitments to the new rehab facility. I wish I felt better which I felt strong I wish I had not let them brainwash me into accepting an older me, more debilitated me then I thought that I was.

There are a couple of loose ends which must be tied off from the stay at the IMC facility. Most important of which to me is the modifications to my power wheelchair. We're looking at a cushion and a foot pedal configuration that I can live with . I'm not holding too much faith in this option but I'm willing to play it through to see what happens. I took a call early this morning the catheters seem to be on their way that's good. Tomorrow I am meeting with Tosh. Have not showered since I got home from the hospital – – so maybe to night We'll give the new shower chair and try.

Loving Larry

Tears from the 12th floor...

I'm beginning my last week here on the 12th floor I believe. There is a white board underneath my TV screen that says quote looking at 4/15/16 - 4/18/16 for length of stay. This of course is next week I don't know if it's one day or if it's all the days for next week or something in between. Regardless, my days here are numbered that's fine with me. Regardless, I am kind of anxious to get back to the house and begin living life again. I have to admit I'm a little spooked about living life on the outside. Oh I don't think I have really any reservations significantly about living life on the outside oh I don't think I have really any reservations significantly about living life on the outside but there is something there makes me a little anxious. I am excited about taking the skills I've picked up here in a few weeks I have been at IMC and adapting them to living more independently at home
I
Last night I was visiting with one of  my old friends who was is a para . I've known this guy for almost 20 years we've been through a lot together. its not like we are best friends or anything like that in fact I am somewhat impressed that he spends any time with me at all . His name is Larry and we work at the same operation for a while end socialized after that off and on. I've always been impressed with his vast knowledge of Music, art and all kinds of things that I don't even know anything about. He's a man of the world live life with gusto and continues to stay alive Against All Odds. That's really impressive is that of all the people I know are who know me he is only one of two that have taken the time to come up to see me since this has been happening to me. Not that I really care a whole hell of a lot it's just interesting. I doubt it any kind of divine intervention that sent Larry up here but his visit has sure helped me and putting my life in perspective.

Larry has lived an extremely rough life by my standards. After a spinal cord injury which left him a paraplegic he's got involved quite heavily in Wheelchair Sports everything from downhill skiing , competitive basketball and tennis. Larry has done his share of camping as well. He has really pushed himself or his body. The result has been some but devastating his body is beginning to fall apart literally. I thought I had it bad with two stenosis but Larry's literally been drug the ringer. Pressure sores , bladder issues , shoulders and even legs have kept him in the hospital for months decubitus or pressure sores so bad that for nearly a year he had to stay in bed 20 hours of the day. That would literally drive me crazy , push me over the edge. But Larry keeps on going. He's nursing his body back to life and takes time every once in awhile, when he thinks he can afford it, and playes a game of tennis, take in a play, or have a decent meal out. Larry is one cool dude who never ceases to amaze me.

I just hope that when my body gets as bad as Larry's that I keep having an attitude as good as Larry's.

The Great Catheter Battle

Tears from the 12th floor

 If I had to title this posting I think I would title it The Great Catheter Battle. That's I'm sure any of you who is spent any time at all reading this blog know that I use catheters to drain my bladder with. I have to use the catheter 3 or four times a day actually and if I were to do my cathing like the folks here it the hospital with like I would be cathing 4 times a day no once every 4 hours. It's not complicated just something I have to do and I'm ok doing it I've developed a system and that's that. But is near as I can tell the people at this facility this Hospital is interested in rehabbing the entire me not just the parts that I think our want to be rehab. One of these parts is the catheters I use it a process I use in using. Simply stated what I use as a straight catheter inserted it into the penis, up to the bladder which drains then into a bag that I carry with me that I have liberated from the hospital when I was there for stenosis II which is basically a feeding bag called "kangaroo bag." Like everything in the universe there a correct way of doing things and I do the wrong way. The proper way is to use plastic gloves, swab areas with iodine solution and soap you know the drill keep everything a sterile as possible. Well you know what that doesn't work in the real world and never has work for me I just carry some BZK cleaning solution but seems to work just fine and lube up the street catheter that I have and use my plastic bag that works for me. However there is a nurse here at the hospital, actually nice guy, but he's focused on getting me to try something else, catheter wise, something he feels be much better meet my needs and I'm sure makes him feel a lot better about my lack of sterility. So he is made contact with a couple of catheter vendors and one sent of a bunch on interesting catheters to say the least and what are the products has some potential as a product I would use in an emergency or a product I would carry in the bottom of my backpack. It is a self contained system, even has a baf attached to the end of the catheter. the system looks funky as hell that is oddly usable. The biggest issue I have is dumping a bag of piss and the public garbage system. I guess it shouldn't bother me to much but just seems gross even for me. The system is quite complicated to use, the system requires a lot of hand function and if I have the time it would not be so bad but using the cath in bag in a quick need situation, I can't see its use ability. Its a product that was made for a paraplegic not a person with limited and function such as me. All the different catheter systems that were sent me requires just too much hand function. I wish this was not the case but it is. Now the nurse mopes around like I have insuted him , it is enough to wear a person out.

 Fortunately for me, I have noticed this evening , there is not so much a press on me trying out the new catheters. The only drawback now is, they issue me one catheter at a time and its just a little unnerving having to go up and ask for something to stick in my dick every 4 hours. Sometimes though they give me four catheters at a time which sets me up a little bit.

 seriously, do you see me as a high-maintenance patient? I don't think that I am I just want to be able to pee in peace like everyone.

The Weekend

Tears from the 12th floor


Saturday ,The Weeknd a time to slow down do something different , enjoy the ride. The same holds true in the rehab industry. Today should have been a slow day and it kind of was but because of some weird issues going on about the rehab but because of some weird issues going on about Therapy sessions scheduled so close together that I was not able to shave or even cath I had finish my pt way late in the afternoon ans I guess that is alright but I did feel like it was a regular rehab day. I did find some time to steal away downstairs and sit in the sunlight for a short while but I did feel like it was a regular rehab day. It was good feeling the solar heat on my face.

I was surprised to see that even though I have a reduced day of therapy they had smashed all the therapy sessions together which is a bit frustrating plan the nursing side of the coin is trying to managed by urinary output. Therefore I am supposed to be in taking fairly large amounts of fluid during this time which means I'm going to be urinating I'm having to urinate afterwards at some point in time comma therefore I don't need to drain at some point and as it turns out right during the time I need to be out of my chair on the mats and one can imagine that time consumption it takes two then to be back in my chair and get back to my room. So what happened today was that as I was going into physical therapy after a strenuous morning of ADL occupational therapy Kama I had to excuse myself and head back to the room to catheterize. So what this ended up doing was taking another half hour session what physical therapy to the afternoon which I guess is ok but I was kind of looking forward to a major block of space or I could do nothing but maybe sit in the Sun.

So I wonder if this is an age-old battle between nursing and the Therapies. Not saying that's the nursing system is ratchet based but still they tend to push their will over that of the therapies and of course the consumers the one caught in the middle ... as always. And then if you have consumer such as I who is trying to be compliant then you're really caught in a bind. I really want to be in therapy I really want to be on the mat and doing the things I need to be doing to get my self out of here and make myself independent on the homefront. I can't do that if I'm shooting myself in the foot by trying to maintain this crazy schedule.

"21"

Tears from the 12th floor

I'm really trying to be compliant, I'm really trying to be a nice guy but you know what it's getting harder and harder for me to not the acting out can acting like a turd. The issue I'm having the past couple days has been catheters . I just can't seem to get a stockpile of catheters but I can use when I want to use them. It seems part of my Rehabilitation is to find a catheter that I can use independently but there's a problem I already have all that stuff Kama a catheter I can use independently.

It seems one of the issues I have is that while I am in the sniff as well as the hospital they have to supply my medical needs in this case we're talking about catheters. Now couple times well I've been in the bathroom using are trying to use a catheter nurses have wandered in and out and who else I don't know and I don't mind that this fact as far as who watches me or whatever in fact I kinda like that butt next thing I know is that I'm on some sort of regimen to maintain my toileting schedule. I know at one time I indicated that I'd sure like to make it through the night without having to pee but I didn't think I was saying this as a goal that I wanted to achieve I think I was just making a statement and I'm wondering if that had some form of impact on how this got started. Now all these nursing folks are trying to find the right catheter for me. and it's not like I have not said I don't need this kind of support when I do they start giving me the fish-eye making me feel very uncomfortable. it begins to make me paranoid like I'm not doing what I should be doing. we have a meeting once a week for all the docs get together and talk about what my needs are and outcomes I might be Lookin at then they write out these goals and I've got a sign on and all that kind of stuff it's kind of weird to know that they're talking about you like that. They want me to try all these new different catheters MA times I already have and it all worked out well for me and that's why I don't use the catheters. the catheters. And then I start making noises like look I'm okay you don't need to be doing this then they start giving me the fish I again and I start feeling uncomfortable and I feel that better at least go through the motions of using these catheters just to keep these guys off my back. I mean if it come up with something that looks like it'll work and I'll be happy to go ahead and use it and Incorporated in my life but that's not what I'm all about and not what I'm here for least that's what I think. I'm just here to get some strength buy some time and then get back to my home.

 I started getting into this weird habit of referring to myself as the meat when I was at the sniff . It was just something that I did that I thought was kind of cute it was also a way of me talking about how inconsequential we were as people to these folks we are just their meal ticket we are just their piece of meat for the table we are what they did to get by. Now however I really do feel inconsequential I've been here for 3 days and noticed the Habit that the staff do when referring to one of us folks on the ward are the floor and that's referring to us by our room numbers like I'm in room 1221. I'm on the 12th floor in room 21 so whenever there is a staff member with me and they get buzzed on there intercom systems they wear around their necks bill just referred to the person they're working with as in my case I'm just" 21" meaning I'm room . Never do they refer to me by my name. Maybe I just want too much

Meat on Their Plate

Tears from the 12th floor

Nothing reminds me more of how much physical disability and Industry then being here at the neuro rehab spinal cord injury facility. It's kind of fun to see how these folks try to regard themselves as Humana is humanistic and really outgoing to serve the person with the spinal cord injury. In the final solution everything in the rehab boils down to just time, time charged out is money collected.

This morning was a good example it was a bugger of a morning, now my mornings are completely buggers , because I'm having to dress every morning or try to dress every morning and it's a thing that wears a person out. Seriously I start out buck naked on the bed trying to figure out how to get the clothes on my feet and my pants pulled up. This is a focused energy session that can go up to an hour it seems . It is so hard trying to sit up and then trying to negotiate pants over my feet then pulling them up over my legs. There are times I feel that possibly could cry it becomes so frustrating. my therapist gives me plenty of support and reinforcement but I know that's just what it is reinforcement tell the kid he's doing good maybe he'll do better. I struggled and struggled this morning but as the time got close to the hour I can sense the therapist getting antsy and finally he agreed to help me pull on the rest of my pants and then transfer over to my chair. The golden hour was up you had to go and reinforce somebody else and that's okay I know the dance I had my partner and now it's time to move on.

 I know time is money and I know I am making money for the operation here I just wish the professionals would be just a bit more aware we are the meat on their plate the protein that lets them play after work.


Tears from the 12th Floor

Another Day on the 12th Floor.

Tears from the 12th floor

 Surprisingly, it was another good day here on the 12th floor I may have to be careful and change the title from this mini series of blogs I am doing from the 12th floor of IMC Hospital in Murray Utah. I passed a good night surprisingly again, I slept all the way through until 6 o'clock pretty much. I'm not going to give the credit to the new fluid schedule that has been posted on my wall but maybe there is something to to the schedule and the ability to sleep through the night . the major issue I'm having with the schedule is that it's have to drink like 8 glasses of water a day anyone who knows me knows I can't tolerate that much water but then again there I go being a boob and not seeing the benefit this all might be for me. So what I think I'm going to do is drink as much as I can close to the schedule and see if it does significantly bring out better sleeping periods. I mean I can always change my fluid consumption at another point in time.

My mornings started for me like 8:30 when I have an ADL class I actually work at getting dressed. I work at this while in the bed and it really is a workout really great cardiovascular for sure and seems to take forever I am so pleased the OT who's working with me takes the time for me to explore all the different options. Tomorrowm I'm going to try to dress like I did in the old days out of my manual chair. I can tell already the added weight does greatly affect how independent I'm going to be. if I think about the weight issue and other things too long ever going to get somewhat depressed as far as thinking of how I'm going to come out of this situation. Once again I really wowed the crowd down at the gym on the mat. Today I pulled myself from the prone position to my kneeling position and then I climbed up a chair so I was like straight up and down kneeling up. That's something that done many times before at earlier times in my life perfectly and trying to get myself back into the wheelchair the manual wheelchair. So, I was able to pull it off but again staff was just totally impressed and I didn't think it was all that much. I did have lunch today in the dining area and actually sat with another individual patient. She is a stroke person and she came up and sat with me I was somewhat surprised at that. Her name is Jeannie it seems a little bit spooky but it's pretty nice. She has a small farm out in Draper actually it's an acreage but she has some beasts and such which qualifies that's a far much more than our one chicken run around independently did.

Sometimes I get good feelings about what's going on here and other times I get somewhat depressed because I can see the handwriting on the wall and I don't like it very much. Butt we have committed to getting through this trial one day at a time One Challenge at a time and sometimes that's all you can do..

Yes I Can

Tears From the 12 Floor.

Luckily today was not a cheerful day but I like the title so much I think I'm going to keep it for a couple of days. I was not sure how I would function today because I don't remember sleeping a whole lot last night. But I was able to get through the day quite nicely in fact I made quite a hit during this afternoon mat class physical therapy session. I was a little uneasy because I had to cut the middle of the class to go back to my room to pee. Took longer than I anticipated and I did not dream as much as I would have liked but I got back and soon I was on the mat doing all kinds of mat stuff.

No, I like the mat the ability to really move outside of my chair. I like to roll around I like to do the push up things like to just be able to exercise without limitations and the boundaries of a wheelchair. I spent a good part of my life well when I was younger on the mats either as wrestler, tumbler/ gymnastor just goofing n the front yard on fresh mown grass in those wonderful warm nights of summer. Working out on the mat is one of the big things I miss about being disabled. So whenever I get a chance to get on the mat and do some running around I take it.

 So this afternoon I was pleased 2 transfer from the chair onto the mat. I did a little stretching but not much just taking the direction from my physical therapist. It was after some working around and doing some stretching on the side she asked me to try to push myself up from the stomach or down position just to see if I could. Well I knew that I could I mean I haven't done that particular maneuver pushing myself up to a kneeling position in quite some time but I knew I could do it I knew I had the musculature to do it. Then so I proceeded to do it and push myself up and all the sudden everybody was astounded I could not believe it. I have to admit it did take some challenging muscle work on my part but you know I expect that it's been a long time but expect everyone to go all Goofy on me. That's what they did I have to have it for a short time I was the star of the gymnasium and it felt pretty good. I think my doc, had he been around, would have even been impressed. I was pleased because does my bladder we had had a shortened physical therapy session but I've been able to pull a rabbit out of the Hat and with my push ups saved my day not that it was in jeopardy.

So today was not a cheerful day in fact it ended on a high note Bridget stop by to visit for a little bit before she had to pick up Gabriel. We had a short visit and she was on our way into the storm of snow which had begun to fall.

Tears from the 12th Floor

( this should have been posted yesterday but for some reason my tablet as been going bonkers on the 12th floor)

I am here I am actually at IMC Medical Center on the 12th floor , on the rehab unit. I have been here two days now and it feels like I've been here forever. It was a trip getting this thing accomplished at the end of the sniff time but we all got together and here I am. Got me here on the weekend meant that I have an unreal vision of what OT in PT will be like in the days to come. Most of the therapy that I've gotten has been orientational / accessing my abilities and my needs. So it'll be different when I actually get into real therapy. However today was kind of an indication in that the PT actually had me doing stuff I had never done before in an effort to strengthen my left side. I can really see this was helpful and really gives me a little bit of Hope this experience might be more positive then I anticipated. I just might be able to strengthen my left side back to some form of normality that would be too cool.

My room is small of course , it is a hospital room what do you think I have a great View of the city looking to the north which is kind of fun. I can see where Main Street takes off about 45th South and go straight North to really a great scene. kind of weird being here for therapy and using all the sidewalks and walk areas for therapeutic uses like yesterday the OT had me driving my chair all around the sidewalks of the hospital kind of weird that I did really good I mean like what else am I supposed to be doing? I mean I use of wheelchair / power chair everyday day in and day out I better be good or better be dead. I've been having my meals in my room everyday. They do say they have a common area where the meals can be served and I tried to use this area as a dining area but nobody else ever showed up. I would like to have some serve social experience but doesn't really look like it it's going to happen while I am here. Particularly since a lot of the folks who are here are major head injuries sad but true so I'm going to focus on just strengthening and getting on .

Dianne and the kids got in last night fairly early I'm surprised they got in when they did but it was good to have them back in the area. They didn't come out last night I didn't think that they should they are all pretty exhausted from the long trip. However they did come up today and it was good to see him all I mean it was just anakah Bridget and Dianne but it was fun to see him and talk with them it's been awhile. Dianne even was able to join me in some of my physical therapy and she seemed quite impressed with what I was able to do. Dianne certainly made me feel good.

So I'm in my new place and I'm doing okay. Dianne and family are home and that's great so all I have to do now this focus on getting better and waiting for the spring to come to CVS the new season will bring

I Don't Know What To Think!!!

My started the day the with a bit of trepidation , I wasn't sure what the day would bring but knew I had to get through the day just the same. I finished packing the room after breakfast and begin waited for the driver to get to the facility and I finally got everything together, the driver got there got the van packed and drove me over to the facility. I was pretty Jack'd at this point. I was met by one of the women I talked to  yesterday about transitioning into this facility the intake nurse. She gave me some pointers I thought would help out now I have second thoughts but even then I don't know if it would have made much difference. basically she said to under sell myself as far as my abilities go and its what I made sense at the time. She essentially said to show her the weakest side of my abilities in the hopes that you be able to gain skills and muscle while here.

I finally met with the intake doc around 5:30 or 6 p.m. the doc is an OK guy he is just doing his job. I pretty much was open about my disability band he was pretty straightforward with his impression. Essentially he doesn't think I am going to progress too much while I'm here - - he's thinking 2 to 3 weeks at the max. I will work, primarily on some skills like transferring dressing things like that but that's about it. He does not think I will be able to gain any strength to speak so that will help with what I need to be doing And he says I will not be able to ever get to the point of Independence I enjoyed  before the first stenosis operation back in January of 2014 and he feels I will need a significant level of assistance from this day forward IE Home Health Care alright got the impression that he won't turn me loose unless that happens just pretty damn scary. This of course is stuff I'm going to have to speak with Dianne about who pretty much wants me to be totally independent again. I do not know what will happen if I cannot reach that pinnacle of physical success . I really might have to consider some form of LTC if we cannot get affordable home health healthcare. Dianne and I have a lot to consider and to talk about when she gets home in a couple days from California. I think I'm going to hate this place when all said and done.

It's Time to Go

It's time to go, I've been here a long time almost 100 days. Time days in minutes is what they keep track of here at the Cascades very closely. Everything revolves around how many minutes of therapy you have during the day and how many days total you been allocated for your stay during rehabilitation and in my case that's 100 days.

I have to confess I'm beginning to suffer a little separation anxiety as I get closer to the end of my stay. Some of that anxiety comes from how this is all going to turn out and just how am I going to transition from this facility to the next. At the end of last week I made contact, or rather the social worker here made contact with Intermountain Medical Center rehab center where I hope to end up. I'm a little concerned in that I have to go through an interview process to ascertain whether I am an appropriate placement this kind of freaks me out but it's the way the process goes and so that's the way it is. I am also concerned because as of today, Tuesday, I have not yet heard back from IMC which I think I should have by now specially with the end of my stay at the Cascades zooming right up. The second issue I'm concerned about is that Dianne is gone to California right now with the kids for a short vacation which she certainly deserves. If I don't make it in time to the next facility and Dianne is not back to the house which means I need to stay at the house on my own. This would be for just one day or so or until they get back. This should not be a trauma and it isn't just a little concerning I just don't know how smoothly this is going to flow and am I going to transition back into my home at the end of this whole thing.

I am a little concerned at how anxious I am to return home. If I knew it was a guarantee that I'll be able to get on with my life without all the financial stress and trauma that would be one thing. I don't have that feeling of security because if I can't take care of myself it means we will be thrown back into home health care which frankly we cannot afford, does that mean I then am faced with long term care? what has been good about this day at the CasAcades is that I can face long term care I am nursing home and survive. I doubt I would get any kind of facility is nice as the Cascades has been but still I think I could manage such an institution / system if that is all I can do. Living here has been quite easy and even though I've had to deal with being away from Dianne and the house and all my things being here has been ok and in some cases enjoyable. I am in the place so I have my meals prepared for me, I have someone that gets me up in the morning and throws me to bed at night and likes me and does it happily or it seems that way. Someone actually cleans my room and helps me whenever I need it. I don't know if I could trade everything I have for such a situation but it probably could and at least I know I can survive sad as that would be. it is a shame everything always comes down to money.

So it's just now me and my room contemplate wale be like not to be here any longer. I will need start packing my room making decisions and hopefully find a place to go in just a couple more days