Sunday, May 17, 2020

Color Me Perplexed

I'm not sure what the reason was, perhaps it was not reading my usual 10 pages before going to sleep, or trying to read the 10 pages. It was around 11 my phone got to bed, I had been on an epic text with my Dutch friend who I think I'm going to start calling “Duchess”. I kind of felt bad because she ended up not even going to bed during her night. The Netherlands are eight hours ahead of us so it's quite a distance trying to communicate sometimes. Anyway, after we finally completed our texting I was all for going to bed. It was after I rolled it the best that I realized I did not have access to the novel I'm currently reading. I pretty much figured out is tired enough that it wouldn't make much difference and I would sleep well anyway. Well, I was wrong.

I slept till about 2:45 AM. For no apparent reason I was awake and I was worried about my but as well as my legs thinking that I'd spent too much time up or sleeping on my side causes my legs to have too much pressure on each other. I've been nursing a callous on my right knee for some time. It's gotten smaller that has really gone away. Looks little frightening but no one's ever said anything about it at doctor's visit so I guess I'm okay. Valiantly, I fluffed up my hugging pillow and tried to force myself back into some form of slumber. And oddly enough, I woke again that 4:25 AM roughly. I still felt drugged out and before I knew it I found myself at some kind of get together at a place like a bar or something all I know is that there is a bunch of people. We are all telling stories and finally they wanted to break up but I hounded them about a story that I wasn't sure of. They finally acquiesced to my protestations and listened and I went to the whole story and at the end I forgot the ending. This is a story (according to my dream feeling that I had prepared for such an event and then I blew it). I was mortified. I'm not sure I think the story that I was trying to convey was the Vietnam vet story that I drink with this vet in the bar holiday eve and throw us out early but he's so appreciative of me taking time to listen to them all afternoon that he indicated that whatever he could do for me he would even if it meant killing a person! That was not the story I was trying to tell.

I will not dream nearly 6:00 AM. I didn't feel half bad quite surprised because I thought sure I was going to feel totally wasted all day. My butt is tender as little worried about that too. I'm just not sure something the back of my mind however also hit onnd worsens the idea that maybe, just maybe I have hit Covid 19 overload. I didn't think I was worried about the virus that much but I think the amount of media coverage is becoming toxic to my little psyche. I don't know for sure it's just a hunch the sometimes I find myself pondering deeply what are all these people, these billions of people going to do who've been thrown out of work or what if the Covid comes back with a vengeance? Well my number come up at the pandemic boomerangs and worsens. I just need to keep my head down and keep myself stuck in the apartment until a vaccine or something arises…

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