Van Dreams

 

It seems I worry about the strangest things when I'm laying in bed usually in the mornings. Perhaps, in the mornings I feel most vulnerable as I wake up and worry about how I'm going to get through the day. Worry might be a wrong word but I am definitely feeling threatened off and on. I still think getting rid of my van was the right thing to do. Keeping the van roadworthy and legal is very expensive insurance, state inspections or whatever and then just general upkeep and maintenance for really just a couple uses a year. And I must admit I have enjoyed the little money it has saved me actually a fairly significant amount which in turns allows me to build up a surplus of things like suppositories and creams. This buildup of the medical surplus really does make me feel a lot more control of my universe. However, as I was laying in bed this morning I was thinking of my sister-in-law and that she's very near-death which is really sad. My brother, my oldest brother is also extremely critical right now and I think for sure will be passing away by the first of the year if not before.

Amazingly, we as a family, a large family have had little experience with death aside from our parents which to some degree is expected. Dianne and I were still together so it came to family function and burial of everything in between DD was able to drive me where we need to go churches, restaurants, family functions, funeral etc. etc. I'm sensing going to be needing to do a significant amount of personal transportation in the upcoming months or not. If Jean passes when Jean passes I would certainly want to be part of any family gatherings. It just occurred to me that might not be an option with the pandemic so maybe this is somewhat academic at this point. Still, however if there were family functions held on days that public transit was not available I would be pretty much out of the cold (excuse the pun) if it was during the winter. So, I was fantasizing “what if someone were to give me an accessible vehicle”? Would I even want one? Because immediately I would be back to obtain an ungodly amount of money for insurance, maintenance and who knows what else. Vehicle or maintenance and upkeep is incredible when you have not had to do that. Perhaps, I can rent a vehicle for the day or days in question if and when they should arise. I have developed a small savings account which I've labeled transportation for this very possibility. I just need to look into such a thing before the event should happen. This might be the best solution. $500 for a good funeral and family function one-time payment versus three or four times that payment or outlay for the years upkeep. Definitely, this would be the civilized way to go.

My days are short now. I need to pack in as much as I can in the time that I have left and maybe just maybe different transportation options need to be explored