Indoor Picnic

Blog 063017 – – Friday

Today was the apartment wide “picnic”. It was termed blank, everyone was encouraged to bring something. The agency, the company that owns the property we all live in, Utah Non-profit Housing Corporation, supplied the meat i.e. hot dogs, hamburgers and pulled pork sandwiches really not a bad layout. People brought potato salad course, baked beans, from frog eyed salad, a bag of Doritos and drinks in the form canned pop.and are bottled water. The event is held indoors which is really too bad because we have a really nice patio. Jimmy, one of the resident advisors, had the an enviable job of Cook at the gas grill outside, again making much more sense that we would have the event outside that in. Poor old Jimmy running back and forth with plates of hamburger patties and hot dogs.

Slightly impressive was the fact that tables were covered with clothes. I don't ever remember tablecloth for an event in the Great room. The food was all laid out on serving tables. Places are staked out like claims on these tables and some even held hands over chairs, just like in grade school and you say the place for your best friend to sit next to you at the lunchroom table, fortunately I did not have to move when I sat at a table where one of the places was being saved. This seems to be fairly common. The apartments resulting in significant hurt feelings. Two of the tenants refuse to go because it wasn't worth the trauma of being shunned from the table because all the spaces were taken up her being saved.

Myself and Pat (Pat is another person at these apartments reuses a powered device to get back and forth, but also serves on the Board of Directors of this facility along with myself we often hang together, but I think she's got a goofy as I'm sure she does me). In these kind of settings I usually wait until the bulk of the group is gone through the will serving line. Pat and I both agreed this was the best thing to do. I was kind of surprised that someone just didn't pick up a paper plate and go through the line for us in fact I was halfway through and someone did that for me which I appreciated – – she even decorated my hamburger. I'm sure I ate way too many calories and I rarely drink soda but I did today Orange drink the drink tasted heavenly. I thought to myself this may be the closest thing I get to a cookout this summer.

I was positively surprised at how well I communicated with other folks at the table. One of the ladies was going to Wendover – – a local gambling place two hours from here – – what are the others talked about her grandchildren and I brought up the fact that youth at the skateboard park directly across from my patio skated all night long. The park closes at 10 theoretically could I suggested that I program the local police department's phone number into my cell phone so that I had the number when I needed to call when kids were in the park after hours. Also the eye was the toast of the table everybody else seem to have issues as well who slept on the same side of the building as I.. Towards the end of the hour Larry the Crooner burst through the door dragging the sound system with him. This is a older Mel Torme clone who sings to the ladies every chance he gets. He has a deep voice, dresses in a tux and croons the hour away. I sure hope we don't pay them but we probably do. I chose that is my single/chance to leave. I excused myself from the table. I used the excuse of updating my journal which I'm doing. I couldn't stand it anymore at the indoor picnic.

Wary Of The Flashpoint…

I kind of apologize for doing yet another blog regarding the recent DRAC action. I guess I'm still trying to get my head around the whole thing in particular some events that happened during the action. Yesterday we had the postmortem for the action. Perhaps I am over dramatizing the whole meeting but we talked about the action only did write what we did wrong and perhaps will we could've done better in what were going to do next time and yes, there will be a next time. I was late getting to the event almost 45 minutes late primarily because I was on public transit. I thought I had left early enough to get my power chair worked on but that didn't happen in the dallying of the shop person cost me significant amount of time.

I briefly talked about my concerns about stopping traffic, literally stopping traffic. That is what we did on Tuesday. With a 20 year foot-long banner we walked and rolled across State Street when the light turned red for passengers to cross. The only problem is we did not return to the side of the street when the light turned green. Space this was the takeover one of the major events of the action.. It was Is scary when cars realized we were not moving. We got a number of honks, it was difficult to ascertain whether they were honking and support are against our movement. The things that bothered me more where those who honked and put their vehicles into gear and started pressing forward against the line. If nothing else this is quite a startling feeling. A number of our group broke formation when this happened and did not get out of the way they circled the car so the car could not move at all. A number of the participants also symbolically attacked the vehicle by pounding on the hood this was not part of the plan. This happened only briefly the car finally backed away and turned around and went wherever the driver was going by a different route than State Street that afternoon. I saw this happen maybe three times. In the back of my mind,, however,, I kept seeing visions of the British atrocities where radicals drove into pedestrian groups at high speeds killing and maiming many. It's not too far cry to see something like that happen here in Salt Lake, Utah where you have a bunch of radical rednecks driving around in their cars and pickups at any given time. Fortunately nothing happened and after a few moments the crew disbursed in the car drove away.

Up until that moment my only fear are concern regarding my involvement at an action was being arrested and have and pay some sort of fine. Now however, I'm becoming concerned for my actual physical safety. These events are getting dangerous and I think as the summer progresses and the legislative community in Washington DC gets more entrenched into specific camps I think the fallout in the hinterlands like Utah will become more and more incendiary just waiting for the right spark to start the fire. I only hope I'm not caught in the flashpoint.

Consumer From Hell

It looks like I'm back out of the tarmac today which is okay except that I am beginning to think that I am running away from my apartment life.. It seems lately I can always find something to do which takes me away in many cases all day long. Secretly, I like that.

Today I'm going back down, first to Create to have Tom reposition my seat base on my power chair. When I went in to get some work done on my chair two days ago and replaced my front caster, which is been chewed up by my low hanging foot pedal, we moved my seat forward maybe 2 inches. The movement of the seat forward certainly assured longevity to my front caster but is basically wrecked any quality-of-life this silly piece of crap chair provides. Not only is it more difficult to reach things like sink faucets, bathroom faucets and other items in the kitchen I also and challenged with dressing, sitting more distorted and specifically more slouching in my chair making me said way back on my bum. So I'm just going to have to reposition my seat base and then either tilt back always when I'm going somewhere or live with the idea that I'll just have to replace the wheels of my chair every couple months if not weeks and that's not a doable thing financially. This was a straightforward operation to begin with so I do not see any issues returning the seat base to its original position but one never knows and I'm going early just to assure myself of enough time before my next appointment Midtown.

Today's board meeting for DRAC. If nothing else this event will be entertaining to me trying to see DRAC operate under some form of rules of order. I intend to go just because I seem to go just because I seem to have got myself up to my neck in DRAC business. I was thinking this morning in bed I do not know if getting back fullbore with DRAC is a good thing. But it seems to be where I am right now. Once again I'm seeing visions which bothered me earlier crop up. I must admit though being with DRAC certainly does keep me busy and allowed me to do some good even if not related to DRAC.

So I'm returning for services to the Create office. I often worry especially after I've tried to prosecute changes on my chair and life in general that I have not become the consumer from hell which I have so often placed this title on other consumers with disabilities when the becoming demanding, forthright self-assured and independent. Actually that's not half bad perhaps maybe there should be a course in the training of the consumer from hell.

Action!

No Assist meeting today, it's the end of the fiscal year, the agency is basically out of money till 1 July. That's okay though I needed to be downtown by 11 o'clock which is the time that Assist, Inc.has our meeting. I want to make sure that I would get over to the federal building in time for the action.I'm struggling a bit however with the changes we made on the chair yesterday when Tom moved seatmates backward a few inches. I didn't think it was going to really affect me negatively as much as the change has. Feels like I am almost lying down in my chair I don't like that. True the benefit is that I'm not chewing up the casters of the chair certainly makes everything uncomfortable.

The leadership of DRAC wanted us to wear red shirts, blouses or whatever so that we would be able to be identified as a DRAC person. I didn't understand this at first but when participants begin filtering in to the area I realized a number of different organizational type programs were being represented. This representation was loosely discussed at the meetings I just did not pay attention too much. Not that it really matters but still kind of felt weird to me. The only T-shirt that I have that is read I purchased a few weeks ago on the Internet and of course does not really fit me the shirt that purchased was too short. Not as bad as some shirts but bad enough. I thought perhaps I can get away with pulling my shirt down all the time and possibly I could have had I not had the seat base moved back. I was so concerned about vast quantities of belly skin showing that I actually stopped into it department store downtown and purchased a $6.95 shirt which at least fairly fit me. The shirt was not as red as I would've liked but ithe shirt kind of an orangey red was all that H and M had.

I had no intention of being arrested. I just do not want to have to pay to bail myself out of jail. I am not afraid of going to jail or been arrested I'm afraid of spending money that I don't have. DRAC leadership did go around and ask if we wanted to be in this line for that line not really explain what each line was. WhenDeeda asked me if I would be in the line or if I was going to be in line I said yes. I thought she meant just the duck walk of people wandering around shouting but what she was actually talked about someone to be in the actual line that stopped the traffic. I did not have time to get out of that so I went with it. I was either in the beginning of the end of one line holding up gigantic banner that stretched across State Street effectively stopping traffic. We stopped traffic for about a half an hour and was actually somewhat dangerous. There were a number of motorists who almost rammed the line because the motorist was so frustrated with us. I kept thinking of the incidents in Europe as well as his country of fanatics are people who are just plain frustrated going off the deep end and ramming as many pedestrians as they could. There I was the point of the spear stopping traffic in Salt Lake over lunch.

The cops obviously had orders to leave us alone. We ranted and raved for about 30 minutes in the blaring sun and decided to call it a day. Strike management said we had made our points Sen. Hatch had heard our requests/demands and that was that. I had understood the group was going to meet at a place called Cheesecake Factory for lunch sort of victory lunch. I went ahead and secured the seating. The place is not really accessible and then I realized only one small fraction of the group was going to this place that was incredibly overpriced and I did not want to pay that kind of money for food. Plus there really was no place for wheelchairs to set. I left which is probably the bravest thing I did all day.

I've often said that is kind depressing the end of action especially if you're not sure what you'd accomplished. I showed up, I chanted while I rolled around and try to be supportive held up my part of the sign I guess that's what it's all about oh yeah and wearing a red shirt.

Red T

I need to wash closed today… Actually that's not really true but I really need is a redshirt. And I prefer a red T-shirt and I really prefer a red T-shirt that fits me. In all honesty, to get such assured I would have to go get on the bus and go down the Sears and see if my lady working there todaybut I do not think I will do that. Today's temperature should be like 95° and though I'm the big mouth that talks about some like it hot I like it hot and I do I just don't know if I wanted be dealing with out on the tarmac with this kind heat.

I guess I always known but I'm not a very good direct action activist. I certainly support the concept my support folks to choose direct action on their own volition but for me which is difficult to go against the grain.. I noted this again Friday at the planning meeting for tomorrow's action downtown at the federal building. We got through the meeting was little incident. But it was time to make assignments I disorder backed away. When they asked the question “who's down to be arrested?” I slumped down in my chair as much as a personal spinal cord injury can slumped down. “Who's going to go to jail”? More slumping, let me clarify here that there is significant difference in being arrested and going to jail. Hopefully being arrested is just a minimum citation like a $35 ticket and released. Being a little more direct in your actions might buy you real jail time plus the fine. In actuality I really would not mind jail time but I do mind is the fine. I am just not committed enough to acquire a huge fine I would do $35 but I'm not due in 250 or more. Now some of the seasoned protesters have been the big show in Washington DC. These folks believe – and perhaps with good reason – that the local police yokels will just catch and release. They don't want take anyone to jail and they don't the surly one arrest anyone either. I do not want to take that chance. I really believe especially in Utah there is a new mindset growing and that civil disobedience is not going to be high on that mindsets agenda. In that DC I think the whole thing is just show and the actors come in and go weekly. The cops know that the protesters are actors in the cops themselves know they are actors on the big stage of the nightly 5 o'clock news and the Fox news at nine networks. There are all theaters the big show. What happens on screen is not necessarily real-life.

Tomorrow we have an action at the federal building. The federal building is right next to the federal bank. We used to go down on kid day in Park a block away from the bank and watch money shipments come in. The guards there walk around with Tommy guns they don't mess around. The guards at the federal building also do not mess around I just don't know what a bunch of homegrown agitators are going to do what they/the guards are going to do to the home grown agitators.

I got a go throw a load of wash in the machine. I have one red T-shirt in that wash. I did not raise my hands to get arrested but did sales support the organization and the concept of free speech and civil disobedience. My red T-shirt is way too short but that's what were supposed to do is wear red T-shirts to show support and wearing a too small red T-shirt, I can do that.

Watermelon

I waited too long today it's almost 8 o'clock, Sunday night and I haven't really done anything to write about this kind of pathetic sort of but not really. I've been semi-busy today I just haven't done anything huge like go to a movie, take a bus downtown and go to the last day of the Utah Arts Festival. I just didn't feel the need. What I did do was work on my project scanning my journals onto the computer hard drive with the hopes that some point after my demise that all those who would desire a copy of what I've written about my life could have a copy. I still have a number of years to scan in and I probably need to clean up some of the journals I have online that I've kept. But to live vexes me is how many accounts I've lost over the years due to failed drives and lost computers. I think I have enough though so that so little history student down the line, who needs fodder for a thesis of some sort or another might be able to piece together my journals in the some sort of document – – shrink me if I need to be primarily that's part of the project and see what happens. I think the kids might be interested just from father kid standpoint. I worry a little bit because a lot of they writing is in raw format. I don't know if this will freak them out that I was so human. I certainly sanitize the document but I really don't believe in that even though it's less painful to those who survive and live on.

Not only do I have journals that I'm scanning onto the hard drive I also intend to scan my day timers all that I have as well. I think the day timers/calendars will give an interest in ac.counting of the actual day-to-day nitty-gritty in some cases even hourly time frame depending on which they timers I still have. Love this date I have inboxes scattered around the apartment but I think it's a good project for me right now. And even though I do this good part of the day still makes you feel like I've done nothing this weekend. A couple days ago I made a pot of rice and I felt compelled today to do something with that rice. Actually was 2 cups of rice and 2 cups makes a lot of rice. This morning early and went down the front of the building check things out when I swung past the Sharing Shelf I noticed someone had left a can of chicken on the shelf so I grabbed it. I have a bag of chicken here that I got a number of months ago off-the-shelf that I've been looking to use but as it is this can of chicken will be just fine. I chopped up sorry thousand carats hide in the fridge process flows and processed an onion through those altogether and sautéed together then I added the rice which he began to dry out by this point so I have its water and steam for about 20 minutes I am set for the week with meals.

Oh may be the most interesting thing I did today was go to the market and purchase a watermelon! I want to do this all year but have been somewhat intimidated. I had sent a message to my old healthcare provider for home health provider that I had done this and that she was welcome to half of this watermelon – – with spoken of this last week when she dropped by. She is not messaged me back and I don't know if I'll open up without someone to get that half of the watermelon because even though I tried to find the smallest melon get my hands on the watermelon still pretty big.

It's getting late developer dinner away maybe washing dishes and think about my watermelon.

Loki's Tricks

I've spent the last half hour looking for my black foam spacer that I used to support myself and my power chair.I won't say that it's vital but it's certainly something that I use on a regular basis for comfort as well as something that betters my physical appearance. So my scoliosis doesn't curve meets so bad in my chair. I definitely need to have the foam when I use my hand bike to exercise with to keep me sitting fairly straight. Otherwise I just leaned over the side of my chair. The point that I really want to make the fact that lately my apartment has been a series of vortexes I think places where things disappear and pop-up later. I would like to think these vortexes, if governed at all, are done just by chance and I don't know why I would have myself caught in a vortex storm – – however if these vortexes are maneuvered and guided by an intelligent force that it is diabolical. Things pop into the vortex and they're gone the matter how I looked high and low I cannot find them and then it seems they will show up as simple as that. Often the items that disappear are minimal like socks, gloves may be during the winter season spices and other items in the kitchen that are needed from time to time. Recently I've seen this phenomenon happen more and more and it just totally irksome.

A couple months ago I purchased a roll of Dycem fabric.Dycem comes on a roll the thin piece of rubbery fabric that's slightly adhesive. I first learned about this material in rehabilitation. It's great for folks who are quadriplegic such as myself. It allows us to hold on to stuff. I have course of begin using it for all manners of need most is specifically the wraparound one of my sticks. I used the coated stick them to get my pants off in the evenings and to help raise my legs in the mornings when I dress. I got the Dycem a few months ago and used a few pieces and then the box seem to have gotten swallowed by the vortex. I could not find it anywhere I became so vexed that I was almost beside myself. Eventually, I decided I cannot wait any longer and ordered a new role of Dycem, red.

Now as I indicated I sometimes feel a malevolent spirit our intelligence operating these vortex because no sooner than I take steps to replace the item or substance I cannot find without a doubt the original will pop up. This happened earlier this week when the new box of red Dycem arrived at my doorstep. The UPS man as usual dropped the envelope containing my Dycem in front of my door unbeknownst to me and my good neighbor knocked on the door to advise me that I had a package. I opened the door and sure enough there was my Dycem. I thanked my neighbor profusely and rolled into my desk representatives and open up the envelope and there was my brand-new box of red Dycem. Within seconds after opening the box Dycem I glanced up upper right there under a pile of papers boxes and such was my role of black Dycem. I know I've searched that shelf a dozen times in my quest for this material not to find it there at all and now, big as Dallas there's my Dycem.

I now have two boxes of Dycem fabric. Probably $46 worth. I'm not going to beat myself up because I will use all of this Dycem at one point or another it's just an excellent device for people with limited hand function. But I just wish Loki or whoever would leave me alone and stop hiding my stuff.

Chaos And Me

I think I might be a focal point of chaos. I don't mean to be and I don't use this as an excuse for how my life tends to look most of the time but I cannot get away from the fact that chaos seems to court me. Not only chaos but general loss.. From the earliest days that I remember I have been challenged as far as being able to keep things neat, orderly and clean. Of course this manifests itself early in the life of a child by having their toys scattered all about. I was always challenged by my parents to clean up my room which I could never really seem to do right. I just cannot figure out the whole concept of order.

In the second grade when, for the first time, you're allowed to keep things in your desk your expected to keep your desk neat and orderly. My desk was never that way. Chaos reigned beneath the wooden surface. Glue fell over on its side leaked out trapping number two pencils and blunt end scissors Until teacher data inspection, which she did every 4 to 6 weeks where I would get the wrath of the dirty desk. Simply like anything I cannot figure out what to do with got pushed to the back of my desk. Orange crayons from Halloween, toilet paper turkey legs for Thanksgiving all kinds of Christmas candy from the holiday season. Luckily for me following the first of the year the holidays didn't seem so messy. From the first the year forward it was just presidential remains from February, shards of green paper that did not make adequate grasp our flower stems for spring and then it was summer. I wandered through grade school with messy desks and messy scolding's.

Junior high was just as bad with my ever present messy locker. Luckily most of the time the teachers left alone as long as you're able to get your assignments done and have your books ready for class your locker was your own turf. It seems to me they were locker inspections but I don't remember them very well and I always seem to get by. After my wreck and broken neck by locker went from messy to chaos. Lockers are made for people who are able-bodied and not folks in wheelchairs. I kept a few things in my locker mostly stuff I had downloaded a hurry but kept most of my books and stuff in the backpack.

I would love to say things are changed but they have not. My apartment is a mess I need a keeper someone to come in and clean up after me. I don't have an excuse I wish I did but alas I'm a messy person. Though I have to admit even though my apartment is supposedly one for a person to disability my unit is difficult to really live in from a power chair even the manual chair if I used my manual chair that much. I have a pile on my table because I can't find places to stow everything. I can only use the front of a few of my countertops and the same goes for the range. I have a difficult time cooking because I can't get very close to the stove.

I doubt very much will change as I live by myself. Once I can get my finances regulated and I have enough for a housekeeper I will engage one and probably be very happy. I always seem to be happier and things are cleaned and chaos abated.

Pay Day!

What a great surprise when I called the other morning to find out that there is in fact a meeting David informed me there would be a meeting! I cannot believe how pleased that made me. We've had so few meetings the past the last two months or so do the end of the year financial issues that today was great to have a meeting and on top of that I got paid. A paycheck! A 100 and $20 paycheck!!. I guess it's not much and the money spends quickly but it's nice to be recognized.

If I were to go to my blog and do a search on “Assist, Inc.” I would get a bunch of dates where I used “Assist”. I would find so many references that I'd consider not finishing the post that I'm writing right now. But you know what I don't care if it's redundant because my Assist involvement seems to be pretty important to me right now. I don't know if my Assist involvement good or bad to share and I don't know if assist Inc. activity is good or bad to acknowledge. I wonder if my volunteer involvement is an example of weakness that I have to exemplify my need to be wanted. Just like this morning. I got a knock on my door it was Jimmy the resident advisor came visiting to see if I was okay and that was I going to my Thursday morning coffee social? Jimmy went on to say, “all the want to know you're okay and are you coming to social?”. Now I know this is authentic, these are comments that Jimmy would not make on his own volition. Somewhere enough old ladies ganged up On Jimmy and asked him to go down and see if I was okay. While this is totally embarrassing it is also totally endearing to me. I almost did not go down to the meeting today because I actually slept in. I never sleep in but I did today. But I was going to the meeting/social would not miss it if I did not have to. But the question of this paragraph was do I need social reinforcement? The answer is of course, of course I do after all I am human.

I did not go to my Assist meetings for the honorarium. In fact I had gone to the Assist meetings for years without getting an honorarium . Assst,Inc did not  have an honorarium for most of my Assist Citizen Advisory Board  involvement, I guess I got some sort of payment because I actually got paid to go to these meetings as part of my job description so on top of my regular salary I often got Comp Time. I really used the Comp Time when I wanted to extend a lunch date, or get off early on a three-day weekend or any weekend, I might dip in the might Comp account.

I love the honorarium checks because the check is symbolic , a reminder of time actually devoted to some ideas/project. It reminds me of when I used to have a job, go to work to be part of a greater system. A system I miss now like national holidays, 5 o'clock and payday.

Confusion

I do not know what happened last night. But I had one of the worst nights sleeping I have had in some time. I think I woke up around 2:15 AM and never really got back to sleep. Now that I think about it there was road construction going on all night long on Redwood Road. The kind of road construction that has large vehicles moving back-and-forth with backup alarms sounding off every time these trucks going reverse. I had almost forgotten about the road construction and the alarms.I may have dozed off and on but not very much. I don't know if I was worried that I would sleep in and miss getting out onto the bus and up to the University to meet Lori at 10 o'clock in the cafeteria. But I was feeling drugged out this morning as I got up and got ready.

I thought I'd given myself enough time to make the bus, to make the train to get up to the University Student union by 10 o'clock. Not only was I tired and filtering everything through tired eyes and foggy brain but it seemed like the universe itself was against me making this date. I admit I should've consulted UTA tracker to see when the next 47 would be coming by but did not. I saw as is coming down the sidewalk from the apartments 47 was in traffic at the stoplight. I didn't think I had a ghost chance of making it but the light was incredibly long. And I got to the sidewalk to the bus stop as the bus “turn off of Redwood Road on the 4700 S. going east. I knew I was not going to make it to be at the bus stop when the bus would pass the bus stop. I was hoping the driver would see me I even stopped and turned and tried to wave at the driver to let them know I was coming. I kind of think he saw me but he did look up just turn the bus and drove past the bus stop. Unbelievable. I could not be too mad, was too tired to be too mad, even if I were not tired however I should've been at the bus stop I should've known the bus was coming and planned my arrival on time. It would been nice had I connected with the driver that didn't happen so I waited 15 minutes. Next, I am at the train station. Even with having to wait 15 minutes I still had ample window of time to get up to the University by 10 o'clock. However the Redline came up I press the button to deploy the left and open the doors and the lift deployed at the doors didn't open. In honesty my chair may have been too close to the door and as the ramp deployed and hit my front wheel and retracted back into the train. I continued to press the button in hopes that the ramp would deploy again – – and often does. I have done this a number of times the ramp, deploys and door opens and I'm on the train but not today. I have to wait another 15 minutes so by that that time I lost a half hour.

I'm not sure which University train stop his best to get to the student union. I finally asked a number of young people riding the train with me (who I knew had to be students) which was the best stop and they told me. I got off the train and took off. I stopped a couple people on my way to get my bearings. I was running late I knew I was going to be late now. I messaged Lori to let her know I was going to be late. It was quite a trip from the train to the student union. I got there about eight minutes after the hour so wasn't too bad late wise that is. I got there zip through the cafeteria could not find Lori anywhere. I waited I waited in fact I waited till 11 o'clock and I finally called Lori to find out where she was at. She told me she was at the cafeteria sitting in the back. I did not see your own back and forth numerous times. Eventually it turned out she was sitting in the cafeteria at the college around the corner from my apartments. She was shocked as of the University but as I recall our conversation specifically when we made the date that she was to be on campus at the University of Utah. The conversation had revolved around her being on campus learning to negotiate her way around and I figured that was why we were meeting up there. It would been so much easier for me had I understood that the community college was where we were meeting. I don't know how I would've handled the eventhad I gotten enough sleep. I felt like a grump because of the lack of sleep and I'm sure came across as a grump. To make matters worse today is also Lori's birthday I guess I sort of messed everything up through the form. I don't know if I want to try this again at least not right now is not to I get some sleep.

Surprises

My friend Dave the leader of  our Tuesday morning board group signaling the meeting is over.

I was really planning on staying home today, maybe running over to the market but since I went last night there really is no need, except recreationally and that's pretty pathetic. Typically Tuesday is the day that I go into Salt Lake to attend my Assist, Inc. meeting. However, the last two or three weeks we've not been meeting. It's the end of the grant year and most of the counties that use our service has spent out there budgets so we have not been meeting. My routine is I get up and get dressed as if I'm going into the meeting then after 8 o'clock I call. As I've said the last couple weeks when I have called, the meetings been canceled so imagine my surprise this day to be told that in fact we are having a meeting. Okay great. In fact I was probably going to travel into the city anyway to go to the library to return the book I got last week 

I'm kind of surprised that we had a meeting because Salt Lake is under a excessive heat warning. Seniors, people with disabilities and those with respiratory ailments are supposed to stay in. It would take more than 90° weather to keep me in but I was concerned about some of the  ladies on our board. One drags around an oxygen tank, one has an incredible smokers hack and the others just plain old – – you notice how I did not include me in to the group. But we had our meeting. I went in early as I always do and go by the library dropped off my book and looked at some of the titles of books been sold to raise money for the library by the library volunteers. I am really getting into audiobooks and sure enough there was one there I wanted. But I didn't have enough cash and I really didn't want to run it through on my credit card. But I made a mental note to myself to get some change and come back and if it is meant to be, the volume would still be there. This is one of the hardest lessons I've had to learn I'm still learning. Usually when I go back the item is gone.

As I said everybody made it to the meeting. It was good to see everyone it's been a while since we all got together. I was pleasantly surprised when David opened up a folder towards the latter part of the meeting and pulled out a number of checks. We actually get a few dollars for every meeting we attend. It's not a salary as much as an honorarium. I was blown away when I opened up my check and it was for 120 bucks! I could not believe it 120 bucks. I found the branch of my bank which is downtown  and just a couple blocks from the library. As soon as we were finished and zipped over cashed my check and returned to the library and sure enough the audiobook was still there. I was so excited I couldn't believe it. I got the book came on home.

I really enjoyed my day out I found it most productive and I got a new audiobook.For a day that started with nothing on my agenda I felt like I had a full dance card at the end.

"Hello"?

Does everyone remember Cats Cradle by Kurt Vonnegut? In that book Vonnegut makes the suggestion that people exist in groups referred to as a “karass”¹, these people do not know that they are in a specific group or even in a group but they continue to become aware of others in their group you can also say constellation. Specific individuals seem to keep showing up in your life for no specific reason. Also, you tend to feel these people with a level of familiarity when they enter in your reality.

Yesterday I wrote about a person who fell outside my window onto stones and pavement and how I heard her call and want to assist what level I could. This person I have felt a weird familiarity with ever since she showed up at the apartment complex a couple of months ago. And not done anything regarding this familiarity. In fact I have been a bit distant from the person even a bit intimidated by the person. She scares me. I don't know why but she does. After the incident yesterday I definitely know that she is in my group.

What really kind of disturbs me is that if it is important for a person to interface with another person in their karass and for whatever reason The person does not make contact with the individual then universe begins to “assist” that individual to make contact. I am sorry getting the feeling that is what happened to poor Deeann yesterday. I am concerned that poor Deeann took the tumble outside my window/door to force me into a situation that I would have to make personal contact. I do not know if Deeann falling and possibly breaking something was a test of my moral fabric of helping somebody or was the incident focused to ensure that we engage on a deeper level.

So now I'm going to spend and an inordinate amount of time worrying what my next step is going to be in this bizarre relationship. This person is like 75 and I don't know how severe your elbow and arm is. I do not even know she got back from the hospital yesterday. I don't even know what what apartment she is in here at the complex not that really matters but still I don't want a kill her by my inaction one way or the other.

I feel like Jason Bourne – – “I'm just trying to do the right thing”. I'm trying not to overthink the event because I think if I overthink the event I am going to get pissed off. Not that I wouldn't help. But really,whgat happened to the concept of free will. And Am I being manipulated on a cosmic scale? I would be surprised if I were that important. I think Kurt Vonnegut is right regarding his concept of karass . I sense karass operating all the time in my life and I don't know if that's good or bad all I do know the person doesn't have to break the elbow just to say hello.

1karass – A group of people linked in a cosmically significant manner, even when superficial linkages are not evident.

A Cry For Help

I was actually trying to clean my apartment this afternoon . Today has been a quiet Father's Day Sunday. I've spoken with my daughter who lives in Oregon and I was just finishing up making a potato salad which I thought would be a great addition to a stake I'm planning to cook later on this afternoon when I heard “Help!”, “Help!”. The door to my apartment is open as it is most days during the summer and there's a constant din from the skateboard park just across the driveway from my apartment as the teenagers wander eternally up-and-down the concrete ramps. When I heard the cries for help. In the back of my mind I noted how the cries for help sounds like me when I'm calling for help when I fall out of my power chair or shower bench. I heard that “Help!” Again and finally said “What” and wandered towards the open door.

“I've fallen and I can't get up” by that time I got out onto my patio and there to my left, across the road, onthe concrete and stones, just under the fence that separates us from the skate park was Deeann, one of the residents at our facility. I of course did not know what to do, I rolled directly out there to see if I can be of any help. Today is a sunny day almost hot, actually it is hot when you're laying on your back in the direct sunlight with a possible broken elbow. I got to Deeann and thought maybe she can climb up my chair if I can get it close enough to her but that was a no go. I talked with her and could see that she was in great distress. She was just happy to have somebody responding to her calls. I tried to call someone in our apartments but the sun was too bright on my cell phone and I could make any calls we finally decided to call 911 let the professionals handle it.

As soon as I got 911 online I was thrown back a couple of months to when Honey and I were stranded on a shower seat in my shower and having to communicate with 911. The time was about 2 o'clock and it seemed like Deean and I were the only human beings except for the kids at the skateboard park, on the earth. Deeann had actually had initially called out hoping to get one of the boys/teenagers at the skate park but they all but ignored her which is weird because someone should've heard her if I heard Deeann across the driveway– – idiots. I suppose the 911 operator has a particular protocol he/she has to go through but the protocol is sure annoying. I found if I could stretch my hand out I could block the sun out of Deanne's eyes which I did. I was worried because I'd did not know if the fire guys could get into the gated community – – they couldn't. I almost felt I should leave Deanne and knock on doors at the apartments so I can get someone to give me their want to open the gate.

The firemen got there and could not open the gate of course. I'd given explicit directions to the 911 operator that someone would have to go in and contact the resident advisors and they would open the gate or any one of the residents could open the gate but that didn't seem to happen. In fact the firemen had their axes out and were about ready to chop the gate open when someone did finally come and opened the gate.

I have to admit sitting there with my outstretched hand over Deanne, blocking the sun, as these emergency vehicles moved the vehicles were kind of intimidating to say the least. But I stayed there and finally when the fire guys came over and engaged us with questions regarding Deanne I booked . Soon they had her bundled up and taken away and I have gotten back to my day, finishing the potato salad. It sure is amazing how much  your day can change with a cry for help.

Finger Licking Good

My home health person is Honey. I have written about Honey before. This is not a blog about Honey this is a blog about Honey's influence on me. Friday's when she attends to me she always asked me what I'm going to do over the weekend than Mondays she thousand up asking what I did over the weekend. However annoying this might be it motivates me to do something and think of doing something so I have an adequate answer to these questions and do not feel like such a loser. Today I was not going to do anything except stay in and work on my journal project which is basically scanning pages from my journals over the years. This is a tedious and arduous project but one has to be done. Yesterday I actually went to the library and got a noddy about to help me get through this task this weekend but the book leaves a great deal to be desired. I listen to it last night and it just does not grab me the way a book needs to. However I do not feel well enough to trust my bowels to go all the way into the library sermon listen to it some more today while I scan.

This morning was so beautiful that I couldn't stay in. Even though I had adequate coffee, the coffee is not great coffee. So I went next door to a little coffee shop got half a pound of Italian roast to mix with the adequate coffee. Now I have something to tell Honey. It's all about ready to to start scanning when I remembered I was out of body soap – that's I think that's what they call it now – – so I threw my pack over my shoulder and headed for the market. I even went to the drugstore and priced body washes against the price at the Fresh Market that I go to. Fresh Market won. I got a number of items for the bathroom to either put on the “back up shelf” or the body wash which which I got a pretty good deal by getting one of those bundled two-for-one options. I really don't care what kind of body wash I'm using as long as I have it and Honey doesn't bother me about not having any.

So this task done I should go home and have lunch. I have a number of items I could have had for lunch but I couldn't bring myself to go back to the apartment. I decided instead for no good reason to treat myself to fast food and not only any fast food but super greasy fast food. There is a KFC in the parking lot of the market and I have never really been inside which I think is kind of astounding. Then I am shocked, I realized I am just about, exactly one month away from the 51^st anniversary of my spinal cord injury when I was working for a KFC. Inside the KFC, I found the place almost empty. I was dismayed the choices one has any more somewhat limited. I really wanted original style chicken wings but the only candidate chicken wings one can get at a KFC anymore are some kind of barbecue wings which I hardly think is fair.the closest thing I could get was a five dollar meal which included drumstick and a thigh. So I got the chicken parts described, mashed and gravy, one biscuit and a cookie and the drink. I kept seeing myself as a poster child for senior citizens. Old man eating by himself at a KFC. How pathetic. The image posted with this post is a picture of my table somehow reminds me of a scene out of 2001 a Space Odyssey.

The meal was surprisingly good at least I was surprised but best of all have something to tell Honey come Monday.

Council Of War

It's getting serious. The DRAC team is beginning to enter into discussions regarding just how we're going to get senators and other members of the Congress (Utah delegation) pay attention to our request/demand that our congressional delegation do something regarding the very likely healthcare reduction for low income folks, seniors and folks with disabilities just trying to get by.

There was probably 7 to 10 of us today meeting at the Housing Authority of Salt Lake County, conference room. We were basically call to action by one of the members of DRAC (who just happen not to be here today) but she stated that she was getting frustrated that we were talking a lot but nothing was really getting done. It was time, she felt, to move whatever we're going to do to the next level. Many of the DRAC personnel felt/feel the same way the same way. We had a good 45 minutes to an hour discussion regarding not have enough support to possibly make a difference. There is concern about the lack of press coverage over the last actions that DRAC has had. Billie felt we needed to bring about an action with serious consequences. There was serious discussion of “taking State Street”. There is serious discussion about being arrested. One must remember there is a certain fraction of this group which has been involved in serious, dropdead serious, direct confrontation and places most specifically Washington DC. Our oldest member Barbara had no compunction of heading right into the belly clubs of the national police but the Salt Lake police or state police , Utah Highway Patrol (UHP)depending on which Street we to take might be a different ballgame. It's hard to fathom what the local conservative law enforcement official might do. In DC I think a lot of the direct action/confrontational stuff is grand theater. On any given day the members of law enforcement have to deal with any number of different demonstrating actions. They cite and release like fish in the wild. I believe I was in one of the first disabled direct action operations in the history of Utah. The cops were more than nice they were taken off guard in fact they did not know quite what to do thousand and 30 years ago now days it's a different piece of music. I think a rather be surprised if it was a catch and release operation. I think even the citations are issued will be real citations and I think the court will love a real fines. I'm not ready to deal with real fines I don't have the finances to deal with real fines. Does that make me a boob? Probably does but still I think I'm drawn the line at incarceration.

We decided that we're going to have an action in two weeks. We're going to try to drum up interest in a commitment of many to show at this function. At this point we're talking about stopping traffic over lunch in State Street. I'm certainly willing to give direction, I'm certainly willing to be part of a march to certain degree and who knows maybe I'll get arrested with everybody else.

Letting Go

As far as I'm concerned the sale of my van is a done deal. Jimmy stopped me the other day as I was going to check my mail to let me know Cornell, his nephew who wants to buy my van, has started raising money for the deal. He seems really committed. I'm ready to let the van go. I found selling the Van at first difficult and somewhat threatening. I really did believe, and still do to some degree, owning a vehicle in this culture is a major underlining opinion and being that owning a vehicle and driving, makes a person a valid/credible being. I often have equated owning a vehicle to owning ground in America. But since I got titled solely to me the vehicle a few months ago the van has really is been a bit of an albatross around my neck especially the insurance factor. Gosh that's a lot of money to pay every month for a vehicle I've rarely use. In fact when I went to show the vehicle to Cordell the van was stone dead. We found a set of jumper cables, from Irene thank goodness, it still took us 30 minutes to get the vehicle started. I don't have a driver possibly Mark Anthony, sometimes Jimmy here the apartments, but seriously is not doing me any good except as a part of my personality that is gone.

Letting the vehicle go is just another part of my identity vanishing, I feel. But it's okay. I think that's where I am at. I'm learning to cope with less, much less. Is that not what we all do as we age, what we have to do get by with less? I don't not know if that is a right or wrong supposition. Even when I look around and see homes I pass as I go back and forth to the train station I see junk in many places pouring out of the garages, backyards and even front yards. They're not taking care of their stuff. True they own the property but why?

Cordell is young he is about three years post injury. He lives in Sheridan Wyoming and seems to be a very active paraplegic. I'd be surprised if Cordell is even 25 years old. He loves the van. I do not think there is a way for me to talk him out of the van even if I wanted to. I do not think he is as mechanically oriented as other parents I know but I think Cordell of that rural mentality that does not let anything stop them. And there certainly those around him which can act as a safety net or mechanical system to system if he should need mechanical assistance with the vehicle. I feel pretty comfortable in informing him of issues the vehicle has Jimmy has also pretty much indicated that he feels it's a good vehicle and Jimmy know stuff like that. So I do not believe there any sucker punches that Cordell will experience at least with the vehicle. I hope the two will be very happy.

I hate selling stuff I hate asking for a price and I hate taking money I'm going to do it. I'm going to take the money and put it into a separate account to be used solely for home healthcare. Being self-pay this would assist me with healthcare past the end of the year I think. The cash will certainly take out some the stress that's for sure and remove the white beast from its lonely corner of the parking lot.

Such Is Life

Yesterday was not a nightmare but the day was a challenge. I slept pretty well thought, but when I got up I felt exhausted. The morning was overcast, a mess, it felt like winter lots of rain to start out with. I did not have my assistant meeting which meant I could stay in all day which I did. I actually thought I had a bit of a bladder infection but I got through the day a couple chair naps. I spent a good part of the day back working on my project scanning journal entries from 1988 onto the hard drive.I am making good progress and hope to get the blue binder done by Friday.

This morning I felt pretty good when I got up. I woke up first very early trained in action got back to sleep waking up again at seven. It was until couple hours later that suddenly I felt a squirt and new my day was going to be different than I had planned. The squirt became a gush and suddenly I knew I was sitting in a swamp of poop. I didn't feel necessarily disheartened. I knew this day would come eventually wasn't sure how I was going to handle it. Now the day was here. Stationed myself in the bathroom got my cell phone and called Honey. Honey of course was with the patient and she directed me over to Joe , the boss. I waited probably 45 minutes just in the bathroom when Joe showed up.

Just seems to be a great guy and runs a pretty good company I certainly enjoyed working with Honey. We had a good visit probably clean me up. Didn't feel too bad about having to call the service since this was my usual day for health support. Honey of course would not have to be over tonight since I did everything this morning. Joe got me dressed again in my chair. I am not on my usual cushion but so far I have not had any issues. We do have the cushion wrapped in one of the chux. Joe found the poop stopper In the cabinet: Imodium. Took big shot of that hopefully that'll stop the progress. I hate not being able to take care of myself.

I saw Jim when I went down to check my mail, after getting dressed and sent Joe on his way. Jim let me know that Kordell is going to buy the van and is working on putting together the money now. I really hope he's able to get funding he needs. Again I want to use the money set aside the sum to pay for home health support like this morning's intervention.

I thought sure I had another novel on CD to read/listen to while I worked on my scanning project but when I dug it out this morning I found it was cassette tapes that the novel was on. I don't feel comfortable enough to leave the apartment right this minute waiting for the rest of the day. So I guess I'll have to listen to NPR and do my scanning and move slowly so as not to do any more pooping. So I know now what the process is when this happens again and it will happen again such is life.

Van go

The cold front brought rain and much cooler temperatures. I shouldn't be such a wuss its not like it's snowing outside. But here I am hunkered down in front of my flatscreen this cold June morning not even thinking about going outside. In fact I'm feeling a bit guilty because on a normal Tuesday I would be outside the riding the bus going into standing meeting over at Assist. Inc. but it's the end of the year which means we're basically out of money and the people who serve know that so no one is submitting applications for assistance. Hence, no reason to to meet. I'm done with my audiobook from the library and the two discs I borrowed last week but I'm not going to turn these library items in. the're checked out till 20 June I have more than enough time to wait for the good weather to return. I have a Philip K Dick, I purchased a few months ago from the library book buyback which you keep me going until later this week when the temps rise again.

A couple weeks ago the resident advisor here at the apartments asked me if I wanted to sell my wheelchair van. I suppose he noticed I rarely use the vehicle and he has a nephew in Sheridan Wyoming was looking for an accessible van with hand controls. I didn't think much about it until yesterday when he came into assist me with my wheelchair pedals. He said the lad was coming into town was interested in looking at the vehicle. I said sure thinking in the back of my mind wow, I might really sell the thing which was a surprise.

I have been semi-frantically searching the apartment for the postcard I got from DMV indicating that I have until the end of this month to perform a safety inspection on the vehicle i.e. renew my plates. This isn't such a challenge if you're able-bodied but for me it means having to get the vehicle into the dealership, who does our/my inspections, and paying for all that. In the past Dianne has done this so I have not felt the pain. I would love to sell the van before I have to do this. I can do hate to let the van go but I tell you just dealing with American Family Insurance is just about one me out. Seems like I get a piece of mail from them every week saying how much I owe them. I almost had to pay $10 extra this month because I was late paying the insurance rate. So consider the insurance and the fact that I don't use the vehicle I really am ready to let the thing go.

I met the nephew last night came over to look at the van. Nice kid paraplegic twisted about three years ago so he is new. I'm surprised he wants a van very few paras I know drive vans. Maybe it's a big deal in Sheridan. The van was stone dead we had to find jumper cables and took 45 minutes to charge to turn the motor over but the kid took it out for a drive to charge up the battery, says that he likes it but I haven't heard anything more. I don't how much to ask for but would like 3500.oo out of the vehicle and dedicate the whole sum the home health care. I feel guilty selling the van since Dianne and I got it together kind of. But she's pretty much washed her hands of the vehicle when she dumped the vehicle on me indicating she can no longer really drive the thing with her bum arm. Anyway we'll have to see what happens. That would guarantee me home health services for the rest of the year.

Memory Sift

I'm fretting about my garden. My garden the one I planted with the help one of my fellow residents here at the apartments last week. Actually, my garden looks beautiful Ms. Not a whole heck of a lot to do except watch the plants grow. The boxes that we have for garden space actually has sprinkling system built into the box. That's what I've been doing this morning actually waiting for the sprinklers to turn off so I can go out and plant some green onions. I made ham fried rice yesterday I had some green onions that really needed to be used so I cut them off about 1 inch above the bottom but still left me some good green onion to fry in my rice and the scraggly tops I tossed. This morning I took the four or five bottoms out to my garden space to plant space but the sprinklers were on. I guess I could've been tough and bore the whole underground and drop the onion's bottoms in black figure to be just as easy to wait for the sprinklers to be off.

There must be a cold front moving in. We've had a great deal wind over the past couple days, wind warnings every day. The front is due today the high temperature this morning was 72 with 62 to be a high the rest of the day. I waited and waited for the Sprinks space to shut themselves off. The sun had risen and raised over the top of the brick wall that surrounds our complex. Some feel good when the rays were able to push themselves around the clouds that seem to be moving in with the wind. Surprisingly the wind felt good – – surprisingly because once the summer heat has started to hate to see cooler weather move-in. But as I waited for the sprinklers to cease I told the back of my chair and let the cool wind rush over me. I tilted my chair back and enjoyed the moment. As I did so eyes closed, hearing the wind pushed the trees around like fraternity bullies I was taken back to great wind blows on my farm in Boise 60 years ago. In a moment I could smell the alfalfa mixed with spearmint waft over me. The wind blew hot drying wash strung out on the line in 15 minutes. The yearling calves and even their mothers ran wildly in the pasture their tails up enjoying whatever the wind was blowing their way. High in the sky above the clouds Jets left white contrails crisscrossing the blue background visible in breaks among the clouds.

I am memory sifting, that is what I call the process of letting go and allowing exterior elements retrieve memories from deep inside my mind. Sometimes an older, a piece of music, the situation can trigger a moment or reverie of memory sifting. Sometimes I have to tease the memory out other times the memories tumble from my mind like children listing at the door which suddenly opens. Regardless for a moment I am translated back to a moment long ago..

Shine Your Light On Me

I know, I've written about Andrew numerous times. But you know what? I never get tired of Andrew. Andrew fascinates me and I really like him. I don't know if he likes me. Sometimes I sort of think he just tolerates me but then again sometimes I think Andrew just tolerates everyone. That's okay I kind of understand. If I was as smart as Andrew I think I would probably feel the same way.

Yesterday at the healthcare rally I was pleased to see Andrew at the gathering. I really wasn't sure quite how to interface with the lad. I do not see Andrew as much as I once did when I was employed and would ride the train every day. Now it seems I just see Andrew at functions like the healthcare rally. Andrew was there to be part of the rally to make a presentation and of course be seen. I just note that seems a bit distant recently. I thought about going up and talking to him immediately but held off because of this distance thing and I wondered if he was thinking that about me. Hard to say. I really admire Andrew's ability to communicate with people. I also am envious of Andrew's intellect . Andrew has a sharp mind and great recall which facilitates his ability to be a shining light in the local political arenas. My light is quite dim especially sitting next to someone like Andrew. Anyway, I spent some time visiting with Stan (see yesterday's post) and I was a little concerned that Andrew would think I was snubbing him. But I was not. I eventually did go up and try to say hi. And you and I've had this interesting relationship where whenever we would meet each other we addressed each other by our surnames. In Andrew's case Mr. Riggle which he would reply Mr. Smith. Yesterday as I saluted him as Mr. Riggle he responded by saying “hi Mark”. A bit taken aback I just sort of blew it off. But I continue to wonder why the change.

I really enjoyed the time I spent at the rally. I really had no responsibility except to be there and to wander around and be seen and make some contacts but they were few. I did sign wanted to of the documents they had floated around. I did visit with Deeda an individual I knew slightly in the past when I was involved with housing and low income folks but recently she has come into my universe again. I sense I'm going to be working with her more in the next few weeks. I will be doing a profile on Deeda in the near future. I consider the morning quite productive for me. It got me out of the apartment, got me involved with the public function and gave me something to report back to my healthcare provider come Monday when she asks what I did over the weekend – – she always asks what I did over the weekend. Which are used to resent but now I really appreciate because what times than not is the main reason I got out and was social. That I need to do more.

I missed the closeness I want had with Andrew, and maybe I was majorly mistaken. Perhaps we were not close at all to ships passing on the train.

"Me" Day

I was not sure what to expect today at the healthcare rally which is held at the federal building downtown Salt Lake. That gotten a number of notices on my Facebook and email accounts plus be involved with DRAC this week there is a strong push to have the DRAC folks show up and even man the table they had at the rally. It was sort of a private nonprofit free-for-all. It's kind of weird how this kind of public action almost direct action has become a venue for setting up tables and passing out information at the tables and doing even some recruitment. I'm not saying it's bad I'm just saying it's kind of weird.

Didn't have anything going today I could have stayed home cleaned up little bit, wash clothes or even enter pages from my journals to the hard drive – – which is one of my new projects. But I felt an inch to be involved with something today, to go out and do something. I was really decadent and possibly irresponsible by taking myself out to breakfast on the way to the bus stop. So I guess is making a" me" Day – – it's kind of joke aren't they all "me" days anymore?

I wasn't sure where the park was we were supposed to me that which is okay I noticed a family with with cardboard signs under the arms and I figured mirror on their way to the premeeting. There is to be a gathering point that city Creek Park and then march as a group downhill to the federal building, symbolic home of our federal legislators. The initial meeting was called for 10 we got there a little bit afterwards but I was pleased to see a lot of my friends there for singles in wheelchairs. We marched and we chanted and ended up at the federal building. Of course there were even more people at the federal building with music playing in the background. I kind of rolled around make contact with some of the folks that I knew. It didn't take long to get the show on the road. There are a number of speakers that did the usual moaning and groaning. There were a couple good speakers as always and soon I had to go to the bathroom. It look like there had been no thought about this issue luckily we were down town next to Harmon's market downtown. They have great bathrooms. When I got back everything was wrapping up just great well like it. But touch base with a couple of the folks I work with the DRAC. Make contact with couple of the local leaders make sure they knew that I had been there. Not that it mattered but I just wanted them to know. My buddy Stan was there. I use have been more and more impressed with Stan over the last couple months I've seen become much more involved in the political process which is good. I'm not sure whether she really believes there are issues as far as the federal government cutting our support systems but he sure is out there now which is good glad to see that. That stand the top of the page is an artist now I think he's even going to make his living with he art which really impresses me.

 I went and I'm glad I went and was part of something bigger than myself this Saturday

Getting Left Behind

I have recently come to terms with the fact that I'm really an old guy. I used to think I was pretty well with it especially in the area of technology. I worked at the state, I ran a information line and we get a lot of stuff on the Internet. I was a little bit too early for Facebook and Instagram and social media platforms. I hear on my news programs like Morning Edition and All Things Considered that Facebook is now passé. Old folks are the ones who are using Facebook now. And I fall right into that group and I hate it . I tried to keep up I even got an Instagram account but I immediately lost interest when I was trying to set up the stupid thing and had to deal with all the things like · passwords, user names and all that stuff. I just couldn't do it. I don't know how long ago that was could've been over a year. In fact a minute ago I actually went to Instagram and was shocked to find how much I'd done to develop a presence on that platform.

I want to say “why?” Is not Facebook enough? But then the second I say that I didn't image in my mind of me talking to my late great neighbor Al, trying to explain the need for involvement in Facebook. He just looked at me tilted head and smiled. I understand that look now. It's I would look at Little Mark if you trying to tell me how good Instagram and how I should be part of the Instagram family.there's also Snap Chat. That's got some great feature that vaporizes an image you send someone half an hour or whatever after you send it which makes me think of all the reasons one would want a snap chat account these folks are up to something they don't want really broadcast out there. Just for the fun of it I thought about enrolling and Snap Chat but again the process was inundating and finally defeated me or my desire to send timed images of myself. It's sort of like that old quote “nothing good happens after 10 PM”. Boy, that sounds like the lyrics from a country-western song.

Social media is the realm for the young and I suppose the young at heart, which breaks my heart that I am no longer among that group.

Freddie

This is my new friend Freddy. I met Freddy this morning over at the Death Star as I like to call IHC Medical Center. I was over at the medical center to visit the wound care center for the wound have had on my rear end for the last couple weeks or at least I thought that I had a wound on my rear end which pleasantly turned out to be not the case. I suppose the great medical support I've gotten from my caregiver Honey is to thank for that as well as the dressing that she applied to the wound site because the professionals who looked at my but today said there was no skin breakdown. The nurse practitioner indicated she could see where there had been some issues but as of now there were none. I am so relieved. They gave me some medications,some prescription salves and ointments and set me on my way along with the Council to wisely stay off my butt as much as I can or at least do my pressure releases.

I had gotten to the medical center fairly early so I could grab some breakfast before going to my appointment with wound care. The appointment I thought was four 9:05 AM. When I got to the office and checked in they indicated that my appointment was actually for 9:50 AM. So I had an hour to kill. When I first got off the elevator I saw this quadriplegic sitting in a chair over by the stairs. Actually I was surprised to see a number of spinal cord injured folks being seen by this wound clinic. This is positive. What I also I believe is positive is that they have a container of snacks for people waiting for their appointments. I was impressed to see a small package of Oreos available. I grabbed one and rolled over to where the fellow in a wheelchair was sitting opening the cookies I offered him one and he took the treat. We started a conversation. I found out he was a quadriplegic (which was very obvious). He told me his name is Freddie and that he is from Central America. He got shot in the neck 25 years ago result in his disability. He comes to the wound clinic once a week to get a treatment for a long-term wound. He told me that his appointment was until 130 that afternoon but he like to come early to get out of his house. He liked being at the medical center because they were people there walking around and I think living. Freddie says he comes down to the medical center a lot just to hang out. I can appreciate that in fact I used to do that a lot in the old days after I had sustained my injury. Freddy was easy to talk to and very inquisitive as to how I live my life. I found myself falling back into my role as a peer counselor. I have to be careful doing such things as peer counseling because it's easy to overdo the role. This is important when you no longer are employed in that role.

Freddie desperately wants a wheelchair van. He cannot drive but he wants the freedom that he could get if he had a wheelchair van and had attendants drive for him. He has very little funding and I'm not really sure how he survives. He did confide in me that is basically undocumented. He also indicated that because he does not get Social Security, Medicare or Medicaid or some other supportive program that he is relied on different individuals and private nonprofit programs to get him needed items like catheters, Chux, and other items needed by a person with a disability to live day by day. I saw myself getting sucked in to the position of a saver – – I'm not a saver anymore. I can certainly give this gentleman some direction gladly I will do that. I may even advocate for him to a certain degree but it's up to Freddie to take responsibility for himself which I really think you can do.

We traded phone numbers by Freddie calling my phone and by doing so establishing a link one to each other via the phone system. He wants to buy my wheelchair van. I told him my van is a dog out of a hard time selling it to anybody but he still wants it. Freddie thinks it's his key to freedom I think it's his prison if he doesn't watch out. I gave the price of what I would consider selling it for he said he's going to go and see if he can find the money. I gave some options of where you might find some possible funding and I don't know if you pull it off but if anybody could do it I think Freddie can. He figured out a way to get himself to the United States from Central America this boy has some great skills.

Medical Monday

This last Monday was medical Monday.. I had two physician appointments over at the death Star or IHC medical Center. I did not have to worry too much about the apartment since they were basically follow-up appointments one with my primary caregiver and then the other with my physiatrist. I like both of my docs. Actually, my first appointment with my primary care physician was actually with his resident which is cool. He was a nice kid and pretty much let me take the lead. Sense I informed him that I had an appointment with the physiatrist later on that day and then an appointment with wound care specialties later on the week he seemed most impressed and just basically smiled at me and let me go. That's cool I figured as much. However I was going to the motions and I knew that. I had gone a year without seeing this office and I'm just trying the more proactive this next year.

I had about two and half hours to kill before my next appointment with the physiatrist. I got half a sandwich from the cafeteria than one up to the 12^th floor were spent so much time a couple years ago when I had my surgery. The got this great deal upstairs on that floor where they keep tons of soft drinks, chocolate milk and regular milk. Sometimes just for the fun of it I go to the 12^th floor like I own the place will straight back to dining area and grab myself the chocolate milk or two sometimes even some of the other treats in the fridge that are therefore patients and their families. I figure since I had my neck surgery there and I'm coming in there for follow-up downstairs that I'm entitled to chocolate melts forever. So far it's worked pretty good not only for chocolate milk but for coffee. I ate my lunch visiting with some guy that had been there for almost 3 months I couldn't believe that. I don't been there a couple weeks which I think was too much in many respects.

I wandered back down to my docs building cruised up to the eighth floor and checked in. I had most of my documentation which I needed and talked my way through the rest of the intake interview. I really think I have a pretty good relationship with my dark. It's strange having a doctor's almost exactly the same age as you I think I'm a couple months older than he is. He's on his way out he is partially retired practicing only one day a week at the clinic. I think I fascinate him. I think when I was in the hospital he had about written me off. I think he felt sure that I was headed to long-term care. But I worked and I worked and convinced him I could make it a home. I think he for sure thought I was headed for long-term care when I divorced. He was shocked but pleased when he found out I was living on my own with home health care. The guide truly worries about me I can tell. He was aghast at the condition of my power chair and particularly the foot pedals or the foot box as the device is called. The chair is falling apart he didn't like the way my legs are being pushed against the foot rests. He actually left the exam room got a couple of chucks came back and proceeded to take them to my foot rests to give something soft for my legs to push against. He also gave me a prescription for a chair evaluation. I don't know if it'll do any good but I'm hoping so. Today I met with my durable medical mechanic from the place that I purchased my chair and he didn't do much he did tighten one of the foot pedals so at least it wasn't totally falling down in giving my foot some support. He basically finally gave up and said “talk to your physical therapist”. At least he did not charge me the $128 per hour fee.

I'm kind of disheartened because I know trying to get this chair and any kind of shape is going to be a battle. I hope I have the stamina to pull off.