Buyer Interpretation

Last night in a long conversation with my former wife,, Dianne,, she was really supportive and me getting my next laptop or computer. The computer I currently use of courses getting old. It basically works but I'm really happy to take major efforts to have it accomplishes tasks properly causing some angst, frustration and overall annoyance. Case in point the Port which receives the USB for the printer hhas somehow become enlarged to the point that in order for the printer to operate you have to jiggle the USB the plug aligns just right.. For one reason or another microphone system no longer works for seems to work and since I use voice to text software a great deal this is very frustrating. I spent a great deal of my time having to delete and either read dictate or physically type the words into the document.. Type in as to the frustration because two or three of the keys intermittently refuse to work. I have USB ports that have to be treated special in order for the hardware connected to be recognized by my computer.. Now the computer has begun to shut itself off intermittently so I'm having the same my work every10 to 155 minutes. I guess I could be mature and “overlook one or two of these issues but taken in their entirety I think I need a new computer.

But as we talked and DD encouraged I kept whining about not wanting to go through the effort because I always get screwed one where the other. Either the system is what I really wanted, not the power I didn't really understand what I needed or I find the system exactly the same but much filling me with buyers remorse which I hate. But as she says I have the means to do it right now, and I should do it right now,, because we don't know what tomorrow brings in this tipsy topsy world we live. I would love to be filled with excitement and joy at the prospect of hunting for the right system alas I am filled with dread. Perhaps I need to step back and look at this “opportunity” as a way to grow and take charge of what I need to fully enjoy each day of my life as opposed to waiting for a “right time”.

I can do this I can roll out my backdoor open go through the gate wait for the bus to take me to the train station and go over to Best Buy pickup my new system. Another option is to strong-arm my son, Mark Anthony, to drive me to Best Buy or some computer shop and help me find the best system for my need. Mark Anthony has become quite expert at computer systems and supports. I am quite fortunate. Is always the other option of purchasing the system online, but that's really terrifying, that you give me a buyer's remorse heart attack. Not only can you NOT touch or feel the item you're going to spend hundreds if not thousands of dollars for you have to accept it once it gets left on your doorstep from either US post or the big brown truck. Oh! There's the whole issue of transferring what was on the old system to the new system and I know there's software tricks and apps one can purchase to do this but one must have more confidence than I have this point in time. I want to do this I really do I just got a start looking around my apartment to see what confidence I can find.

Another We Gone

It's Thursday essentially another week gone. I have been at the apartments now almost 6 months now little over half a year. I am just now beginning to feel like I'm settling in proper.. I'm not sure what that means except that I know for everything's at kind of. I know where things are at in the building, I know where things are at in the community/neighborhood and I'm getting to know or a pretty good grasp of the transit system in this area and all over for that matter. I even have my van here. I'm still going through the process of changing the title of the vehicle from myself and Dianne to just me. I don't think it's a major process but it's just time-consuming and I'm going to see if I can get someone to drive me in the van to Department of Motor Vehicles as opposed to trying to get there via the transit authority. I'm not really found a bus line close enough that I trust with this chair: currently using. The batteries are just not efficient enough for me to trust to get me there and back again on one charge and I have not found a charger that I can drag along with me to charge wherever I go to MAKE sure that I get back. I'm probably not giving this chair enough credit but still I a rather error in that area than the stranded out in the community without power.

It's Thursday essentially another week gone and finally spring is beginning to seep into the area. Climate wise we are and that. Where in one day you can see all aspects of the year all four seasons rolled into one. Today was supposed to be like that. I just have two items today that I have to focus on. One is completed the Thursday morning coffee group and then I have a Utah Nonprofit meeting this afternoon at 3:30 PM which of course will be just at the time when a storm is supposed to blow in. And the way this morning looks I do not doubt that at all. It seems now I judge the week ending by Thursday's. I look forward to Thursdays and glad to Thursdays get here but that also means another week gone in one of I accomplished? Not much. My main focus is this last week is been transitioning titles of the van, worried about my taxes for the taxes and of course the guilt Dianne doing the line's share of everything even with her impending operation. There is also getting rid of the property that we share. That is a constant dark cloud looming over our heads. I'll be glad when that finally dissipates.

So the remainder of this morning and the afternoon, before the meeting I am tethered to my charger bringing up my batteries to a full charge so that when I head out to my meeting at 3:30 PM, I will have as much power as possible for the next couple hours. I really should be okay but you can never be sure.

Independent Enough

I am really beginning to getting concerned about me.. Last night was another night of chaos! It was about 11 o'clock I should've realized something was going to go wrong and I was having difficulty getting my shoes off, undressing for bed. I had Jimmy,, the R A earlier in the day, tighten my shoes.. I use Velcro straps to cinch my shoes on. I can't get my shoes off given enough time one way or the other.. Last night was particularly challenging but I prevailed. I have drained, taken my meds, turned off the lights in place by cell phone and [reach them once I got in bed.. My plan was to snug up next to the bed as usual placeby stick under my leg and left and roll into bed . I can't remember if I've mentioned this or not but this backed chair I am using is a little squirrely in the control box– – yeah I know we all – – but this seems to be something wrong with the limiters .when I Actuate to go forward or reverse and the machine does not stop when you lift here oor take the pressure off the joystick.. The chair should start immediately mind is not last night as I was packing up to the bed I got too close to the mattress and it disconnected the handle on the outside of the motor, the clutch on the left motor. This of course shuts the chair down with just the message flashing on the control box about the disengaged motor. Because I was so close to the bad I cannot reach my hand down to try to pull up on the handle. Now to make a very long story short I was finally aware that if I possibly raise the bed which I could doI could possibly then reached down and engage the clutch which I did. I was so excited to go to bed I was exhausted. Remember I had had to get the hand control for the bad and I not paid attention to what the court was and of course got the cord tangle in the wheels behind my seat. The next hour I struggled with trying to untangle the cord for the power bed being extremely careful that are not yank the cord out of the bad making the bed in operable and at the same time not run over the control itself destroy it as I had done before. Finally I was able to negotiate Hank control and the chairs back tires sitting almost sidesaddle in my chair leaning over trying to lift the cord off the real and unwrap the cord from the chair frame. I was so sleepy so tired.

I've been struggling for almost 2 1/2 hours. It was almost 2 o'clock in the morning. I have a cord hanging on the wall beside my bed.. The cord is one of those polled for emergency cords. I believe I've written about these before there's another by the toilet. Luckily I had my long-standing and I was able reach across the bed and pulled the emergency cord. I had waited and waited and nothing happened no one came when I came to the conclusion that I had to think the hell out of this problem... It's funny I didn't have access to my phone or tablet because I had so cautiously set them on my bed so I transferred I would be able to access them if the transfer went wrong and I needed emergency assistance. I was not able to reach these devices during my struggle. And I probably would've called Jimmy the resident assistant but not my brother which I probably should have. But the whole thing started 11:00 PM good people were in bed asleep.. I felt horrible trying to get Jimmy.. I was so thankful I was able to give them the bad and shut off the emergency alert switch tumble off to sleep.

I pondered many things while sitting in my chair. One of those was here I am again needing assistance. Last night I don't know, I pulled a rabbit out of a hat and it was me. But, what about the next bullet or the one after that sooner or later and going down. Sooner or later I got a face hard decisions. How long can I remain independent or independent enough...

A Good Day

I just finished my blog post for today and I get a call in the phone and something happened, I don't know, and the whole thing disappeared. There was a time I would spend hours if not days trying to resurrect the piece of writing but not anymore. Now I just accept the loss and move on that means dictating another 500 words so be it. Actually, there's nothing I would like better than to zone out and watch TV for the rest of the night. It's been a busy day and I'm tired. It has been a cold day and I'm tired. It has been a cold day and I've been out on the tarmac and I'm tired. But it's been a good day all things considered.

I'm in a weird sleep cycle now that I wake about 4:35 AM and cannot get back to sleep. I used to be bummed out and try to force myself back to sleep now I just focus on resting until 6 AM then get up. Today especially I wanted to get an early start. I wanted to drop off the wheelchair motor I got last week from eBay at Create. I wanted to also get to my Assist meeting. In my regular power chair that would not be an issue but with the chair that I'm using now I fear I may deplete the batteries before my work is finished which Freaks me out. I figured I can hit Create and check my energy level and if they were low than I can charge for hour. However, for the time I finished my work at Create I was still sitting on a percent charge which was enough to get to Assist and home again but not much more. The driver on my trip to Buffmire informed me that if I stayed on the 217 it would drop me off at a train station just a few stops up saving me a great deal of energy. What is very ironic is that after all the stress and focus when I get to the Assist, Inc. office I'm informed that there will not be a meeting today. Dave actually had called and left a message on my cell but I rarely check my cell for messages. And during inclement weather season I called every morning on Tuesdays to see if the meetings would be canceled but I have not been checking sense the weather turned nicer. I was glad that I made the effort to go in though. Roger B., The former director of the private nonprofit was there policing of small files. It was just the three of us Roger, David and me we talked a little bit about the old days and some other things and hope to do this summer. It was almost an old guy's moment. I was anxious to get back to my apartment so I backed off after a few moments and hit the road retracing my route all the way. I almost stopped at the sizzlers I've noticed on this route at about 3500 S. I was at about 65% charge when we got to 3500 S. bus stop half a block from the restaurant I would have to cross the street and rolled down the Sizzlers and I just didn't want just the battery that much. I told the driver to take me home and home I went.

Pain In The Foot

I'm sweating my brains out and it is not because it's hot. I am sweating because I'm in pain and it is not a lot of pain but pain just same.. I'm not sure if the sweating is coming from issues with my butt. Or issues with my feet.. I'm pretty sure it's my feet… Quite surprisingly my butt feeling pretty good the past couple of days. I'm sure it's my feet. This backup chair man as foot pedals which articulate when going into the reclined position. With my tone or spasticity the back of my feet get drawn into the foot pedals and get pinched. The foot pedals also in fine and this causes pressure on my feet as well all of which I believe results in the amount of swelling I am doing – – this sweating, of course, is a form of autonomic hyperreflexi pain feedback look refocuses spinal cord injuries are susceptible. It's supposed to be like a body early warning system to let you know something is out of whack. And granted, this can be important I guess. This is another one of those things that other folks with disabilities that I was around growing up right after my accident were susceptible to but not me for some reason. My buddy Gene seem like he was always getting sweats just the weirdest reasons for his tennis shoes to be too tight, or is Levi's and have a wrinkle he was seated on. I just thought it was all so weird. Now it's happening to me.. I have some sort of a barnacle one on each side of my feet and when I put my shoes on and don't have my shoes tightened my feet tend to rock on their sides putting pressure on the sore spots and then my sweating begins. My sweats at this point,, are not profuse just some dampness on my neck just enough to make one uncomfortable and concerned. I really don't pursue any kind of solution at this point I can just readjust my weight, most of the time, or move my feet around and the sweating stops and I'm okay. Again I feel the reason all this is happening is because of the amount of time I'm sitting in this back up chair. As of last Friday my technician suggested it might be two weeks before the chair,, my regular chair, it is done. That means I just need to pace myself and realize that I have to pay attention to my body, body shift needed someone to tighten up my shoes to the maximum.

Am I really becoming a world class boob?! What next on my body will begin to fail and what should I do then? This is so hard to do now that I'm on my own.before, I have Dianne, for the last 20 years actually she was my great nurse she really didn't know everything medical it seemed. She can eyeball wound or symptom and know exactly what to do or what to say. Now, I am. on my own trying to remember what she said and what she did for this and for that. Somehow the only get half of what I need right.

Bullet Ville

I live in kind of weird part of town. We live in a gated community and I feel pretty safe. But it is a rough neighborhood. There is a lot of strange little shops and markets in the area serving a lot of the minorities. There are a lot of minority folks in this area which is great. It is quite a divergent neighborhood. Almost directly across the street is a many stripmall. One of the markets is a True Value type store run by a polygamist family.what I found really cool is that there is a Indian food store and when I say Indian I mean East Indian. It is quiet place and I find myself going over there quite a bit.. My latest indenture was this morning. Actually I should back up.

Couple of days ago I got a food processor I ordered.. It seemed to take forever for the device to get here. I am trying to outfit myself with items I need to cook the way I want. I have been interested lately in cooking some garbanzo beans in an effort to make hummus. I was fortunate to find a recipe online to make hummus from canned garbanzo beans but one needs a food processor. I found one online for less than 20 bucks I cannot believe it and it finally cam in. Then I realized I had not reread the recipe and sure enough, the recipe calls for materials I did not have but then I remembered the Indian market. As I understand hummus is from India are somewhere in the East. I hardly have any spices however I am picking up more and more along the way. What I find that I need for hummus is cumin.. I don't really understand cumin very well but I do like hummus in making something out of garbanzo beans. In fact I purchased a bag of dry chickpeas/garbanzo from the Indian market couple weeks ago not realizing I could make the same product out of canned garbanzos

I've taken my time unpacking the food processor. It's just a small piece of equipment all things being equal.. I traditionally have purchased the biggest item I could regardless of the project I had in mind but I decided this time to think small.. I don't think I will use the processor that much and you don't really need or make a huge supply of hummus. At least I don't think. The more I ponder my small food processor the more think of other ways I might use it. By making turkey salad spread,, corned beef spread and who knows what other items could be whipped up with this bladed device.

I've only been at this apartment complex since October over the coldest part of the winter. Now however the weather is beginning to turn and be somewhat pleasant. There are a number of small restaurants across the street a little south of my intersection. A couple of very authentic Hispanic restaurants – – basically serving a very Hispanic clientele, an Asian restaurant and Hispanic market a little market similar to the Indian place very authentic.. Great places to shop. I affectionately refer to my neighborhood as Bullet-ville. I don't have any evidence to validate that moniker at least yet.

Bye Bye Mechanic Man

My cousin Nathan just dropped off my vehicle. I have a 1993 Chevrolet van equipped with a wheelchair lift.. The vehicle also has hand controls but I no longer drive for reasons secondary age I would guess or at least I thought so. Of course I gave up my license because of an incident I had a couple of summers ago which convinced me that I should no longer be on the road at least behind the wheel. This of course was when I was still married and had someone to drive me if and when I needed transportation.. Actually I just basically accompanied my life when we did family functions are one out for some sort of social events. If I needed something I generally got there on my own either with my power chair with public transit. Now that I am divorced I have considered testing for my drivers license again especially since I now have custody of the vehicle. I'm keeping the vehicle licensed and insured and my cousin the Mechanic Man assures me and good for another 2000 miles and believe me it would take a while to grow 2000 miles for me. So, if I were to get someone to drive me around the concept of having a vehicle somewhat entertaining. I still am in an ideal spot to use my power chair access the local market,, couple good restaurants and even a movie theater down the road access by by chair if I so there are a fast trip on public transit. I only need a van for family events i.e. funerals,, wedding receptions, and infrequent visitations are shopping expeditions to Sears as long as Sears is operational. I really should give up the vehicle and use a taxi that I need immediate accessible transportation. It would be cheaper to use a taxi or six times a year and pain insurance at about $100 a month.. I'm not even talking about the cost of general maintenance. However it is nice to have access to the transportation and it kind of feels good feeling of security which is pathetic and I'm just saying and honesty begins me a certain feeling of nobility.

My cousin Scott, is the owner of The Mechanic Man. Scott is my second cousin and I have used this second cousin on-off for my vehicle maintenance will for a number years. My mother,, when she was alive, sort of forced me into the situation when I moved into the Salt Lake area. It is one of those family things. Moms think relatives will either give you a better deal or do it for free.. Of course, that's not how it works, maybe in the old days but not now.. Scott is a basically good job however there is a few items I worry about and more than that I sometimes wonder if he is just tired of working with me. I sometimes get that impression that okay to his inasmuch as I was pressed into going to him he was suppressed into working with me by our common parents in his case ran parents. My mom is gone and Scott's grandmother, my aunt is almost a gone.. It's time we stand on our and I don't mind a family break there is a family break but I do mind the family imposition which many times I feel I've placed on family members.

My ex-wife never really understood the family connection and in the last couple years as elected to go with a dealership not far from our house who I agree has treated us exemplary. We picked up the vehicle and deliver the vehicle may have been able to repair things that my cousin could not and gave us a safety inspection for the last three or four years where my van would not pass inspection at my cousins. I don't know why this is but it is. So, we go back to Larry Miller Chevrolet let him work and maintain my vehicle for as long as I can afford a dealership relationship. Sometimes it's best..

A T Council

This is turning out to be a very long week. Seems like I've had something majorly do every day and today is no exception . Today I should be back to the Buflmire center where I will have a meeting the Assistive Technology Council or more succinctly the A T Council. I was thinking about my involvement with this organization yesterday on my bus ride home. This is another counsel that I have been involved in four more than two decades, less so in the last two years following my surgeries as I try to get back to my level of involvement. I really think that the boards and councils that I set the system one that is more important to me than most since I use a great deal of assistive technology. Case in point my total dependency on power chairs and now my power bed. I really did not talked a lot about my power bed which is basically a hospital bed that electrified and has hydraulics that raise and lower the whole bed as well as the top aand bottom. This chair allows me to raise myself tired of the basically fall into my chair and at the end of the day lower far enough that allows me to fall in bed from my chair. Both falls are highly controlled aand relatively safe. Again, whether it is safe or not I do both of these false usually by myself. So far I've had little issue of concern. A couple times I've come close to falling but been able to pull a rabbit out of a hat at the last minute.. So yes A T is extremely important in my life and my involvement on this Council is important if no one else myself..

I have been immensely fortunate in the past that my involvement in many these organizations aalthough important to me many times fit the criteria of my job description when working for the independent living Center as well as from working for the State. Now in retirement my involvement is directly related to my personal independence – – however,, one could say I am all touristic and doing this citizen involvement for all the other folks with disabilities who rely on assistive technology,, their parents and service providers. I wish I could say I am an ultra stick guy but when truth be told I just need to be involved. Interestingly I spoke with Dianne last night, on the phone, who indicated I was fortunate to still get my socialization through these encounters her she does not have the same ability. I felt for her. I'm sorry to say that I am a creature that needs active, ongoing socialization.

I'm not sure how I will be received when I roll through the door this morning. I will be intrigued to see how the population of the group is changed. Many of the folks I initially started with on this Council of left through one means or another. At one point the Council was heavily lately with state and NGOs folk which is okay. Too few consumers. I was considered a gift since I represented both professional and consumer. I will be interested to see what the consumers involved.. One I think I know, I think highly of. And I don't know who the others might be. Yesterday I was a bit challenged, at my meeting,, I didn't take much part because I was essentially trying to keep myself in my chair by spasticity had typically increased and I was a mess. But I made it I don't know about today.. I'm a little worried my butt hurts and it's raining.. But I intend to go, I want to participate in most of all I want to see what they'll be serving for lunch.

Cookies!

Last week I blogged about my brother Paul, coming down from Boise to visit. This does not sound like a big deal but coming down to visit – – even if it's because he is gimped up with the broken ankle – – just visit ground inis something our family rarely does. In fact we were talking about this lack of communication a few months ago and some even acted as if it was a good thing. Stating something like the family reunions was good enough especially with the advent of social media and more specifically Facebook. Space I thought it was kind of weird.. My X often made that statement as well as the previous ex-wife.. I just blew it off but now I think there's probably some relevance to their feelings.

So these thoughts in mind I'm trying to reach out via social media and strengthen these bonds to those that I love. I don't think it will make me love them more of them love me more but it just feels good in the right thing to do.. Besides, great use of the stresses I have the last year so many of my friends on social media as stressed that I should let people in love me let them know what they can do for me. And even just writing this makes me feel like this is crass but I'm trying it. The other day I noticed my younger sister Linda was online or look like she was. This was Saturday I think or maybe Sunday morning, I texted her and was delighted when she re responded.I think somewhere in the conversation she mentioned that she had just bake some cookies and I responded a company would be nice with copy on a Sunday morning. As I spoke my mind reverted back to the mid-to late 1960s and 70s when my brother, Ross, was involved in the Vietnam conflict. I remember my mother baking cookies, wrapping them in putting also carefully aand then putting them in a brown box aand shipping them to him overseas.. I was envious it must be wonderful to receive cookies in a brown box someone you love.

Yesterday was a day full of challenges I had a meeting downtown like I do every Tuesday. I also wanted to see if I can get some other items done well out on the tarmac. I quickly realized that the backup chair that I'm using just does not have a range to travel that my current/broken chair does.. Therefore I have to make decisions on what I will do and when I can do it when I am out and about. Yesterday was supposed to be warm but due to clouds and wind the 70s felt uncomfortable. I was glad to get back from my meeting wwith power in my chair. Later that afternoon I was at my computer when I got a message from my sister Linda. She announced that she just put a box of cookies in the mail that I should receive by Thursday and she is one of her favorite recipes. I was blown away. I was excited I'm still excited waiting like a child for brown box to arrive in the mail.

All In Good Time

I had 1 million things to do today or at least seem like 1 million things to do. I had my Assist, Inc. meeting as usual for Tuesday plus was contacted the other day but Barbara Toomer actually by Dick Lodemill. There seems was a demonstration this afternoon over at Housing Authority regarding one of the many issues thatTrump is putting forward. This was not something high up on my would like to do list but I felt somewhat obligated from my old DR A C days. Then there is the issue of trying to get the van taken off Diane's insurance put wholly into mine, as per the divorce decree. Then there is the matter of the week under the van. Taking care of the leak is either contacting my cousin, Scott or the boys down at Larry Miller's . That was the whole thing of insurance switching over tthis is all going to drive me crazy.

I like Dick Lodemill, Dick is an old friend of mine or at least an acquaintance of some 20 some years ago maybe even 30. He was a “volunteer” organizer working with DRAC. Dick was always trying to get me involved in the organization which I did become involved to a minor degree since a kind how served my job purpose of the time. I have nothing against DRAC is just I think they were somewhat misdirected or guided. I often felt the organization was manipulated by folks who had less than DRAC's own good. Sadly I don't think DRAC ever really realized how much they'd been used over the years. I was worried that I had lost significant credibility by aligning myself in my office with these guys. Still may have a righteous point and I think it's very important that this point be made again. DRAC is one of the few direct confrontation organizations in Salt Lake/Utah. I think this makes them important, enough to the point that I'm still willing to support them in their overall agenda. I have no longer an excuse not to since I am retired I just need to get back into the mode. It's hard. Especially without personal transportation. If I have other things I feel more important I will blow them off quickly. He saw my list of things I need to get the balancing and failed to mention was the power chair I'm using – my backup chair. I don't know if it's old technology for old batteries for the fact that I weigh as much as I do but I'm very cautious on where I go because I don't trust batteries will get me there and back. I almost turned back from my trip to Assist, Inc.bbut I went and made it back. I've come to the conclusion that this chair I can do only one major project aday.inasmuch as I am thankful for this chair, and it's going to help me get the other chair repaired this chair is dog . I'm at risk of falling out my feet get trapped in the foot pedals and overall is not a great experience. I can get by in the chair but I'm not very effective in the chair.

I'm going to get the other items on my to do list accomplished but it's going to be slow and still take a while. by will get it done in their own time.

One Step A Time

Today's the first day since my chair motor died that I've been able start putting together some sort of repair plan. It's a little frustrating having to visit with these folks that was supposed to get back with me last week that didn't just as the week was ending which I think would make so much difference in how things unfold i.e. me ordering the motor with a cut harness. I sort of found this out this morning that the motors basically unusable. Luckily the price on the motor was $19 and the shipping is 48 so altogether it was almost 60 bucks for a little over 60. Lessons learned from eBay. So I think what I'm going to do is go through Create for the $250 tuneup plan which well replace the motor and tighten up the rest of the machine which will be good for me. In the meantime I've got use of the “backup chair” which is a little challenging the use but I'm getting by. I have to watch the power supply vigilantly but it is getting me around and I can do the basics of my life. I can do the laundry, meal prep retiring and rising and there is not much more. I am a little concerned about trips and Assist.Inc. But again if I carry a charger with me perhaps I ccan get back and forth without issue. The challenge I have now been is to get my chair into Create and back again.. I did this with Tom this morning who feels that he can pick my chair of on Wednesday which I guess is okay I need to be more patient.

The next item on my agenda is getting my van into service. I spoke to my cousin this morning and can send the guy out soon to look at my van and what's leaking profusely. Then have whatever it needs to be fixed fixed. I spoke with Dianne at some length this morning in every switching over joint ownership to just single ownership and all responsibilities and to get specific reassurances and upkeep. It was good to hear her voice. Dianne was able to explain to me the status of our financial issues which greatly relieved my mind and what I have to work with financially and looks like I'm okay which is very exciting. A lot of us are close and disappeared which means I should go and buy some new clothes which we very cool. I would like to get shorts and T-shirts that would be comfortable and appropriate. I would like to see if I can find my old clothes but it doesn't look like that's going to happen. I might even consider purchasing a new laptop that would better meet my needs and would be more functional..

So, I have a pretty big agenda for this week. I have a couple meetings to go to out in the community and I need to get these other issues attended to mainly insurance in my name and the registration changed to my name would seem somewhat daunting. Major research on my part and hopefully be able to find the documentation I need. So I need to get going one step at a time But with any journey starts with one step and looks like I'm about to start another journey.

All The Difference

Last night I was able to put myself to bed and this morning I got up and dressed all of my own. This is a big deal to me in light of the events of the past week. Getting up and dressed this morning was a bit of a challenge. This backup chair quite a bit different than my primary chair. Particularly the foot pedals which I affectionately referred to as the box and the front. The foot pedals have high sides and back enclosing the feet. I now know this is important since my feet tend to spasm significantly. However,, I was able to get my feet on the plates sturdy enough to make the transition from bed to chair. There are still an element of danger but I was able to adapt quickly and safely.

This morning's event has got me thinking about my highly positive ability to adapt. Adaptation and a positive attitude, I believe,, has been my saving grace through my life and particularly in view of my long-term disability in all facets of life. I have been able to, when faced with a deterring situation, grapple with the situation and in most cases come out ahead.

I think perhaps one of the most influential folks in my early life which enabled me to have this positive outlook was my older brother Ross. My older brother taught me when to let go of a situation that was unwinnable. My brother was consistent,, focused and unrelenting. He taught me that life is harsh and one must know when to run and not fight. My brother was a trainer who never backed down. He showed me that regardless of how intense a training session might be there is life after that session, forgiveness and acceptance. He always had my back in a fight even if I lost he never held losing against the and more than encouraged me to my next battle I suppose knowing that sooner or later I would be triumphant.

So when my greatest challenge came in adolescence, I used all the skills my brother imparted to me. No matter how difficult each day was, that they would end and I would still be there.. You can hate life or you can enjoy life– – life didn't matter of care if you are happy or sad so I think I chose to be happy and look to whatever would make me happy with results that I encountered… I learned life was good… My brother taught me life was good and that is made all the difference..

Back On The Road

I'm totally grateful and amazed. Carl brought the band and the power chair over last night. I was surprised with the power chair it was not as I remembered. It was much nicer than I remembered – – I even remember talks that it was a basically new chair. We were also surprised to see a bit of a charge already on the chair but we did plug the chair and the charger to start the process. We were dismayed when an alarm went off indicating that the joystick was out of place or that the motors were not connected. We got in around with this for quite a while and finally gave up and decided to let the chair charge overnight and see what the morning brought.

It was great to get a good nights sleep. Last night he made sure to take my baclofen. I have to wait till Carl got in. I was willing to get up at 6 o'clock as usual but Carl needed to the sleep in a little sent Saturday was the only day that he can. Carl was here at 7 AM. He got addressed in the manual chair and we began messing with the power chair. The Z took a full charge and looked encouraging until returned along when the Zs began to flash error messages again... We finally got it out of error mode when Carl messed with the controls on the back of the chair. I think that's what was missing up the chair.. Chair settle down and began to act appropriately. We loaded me into the chair aand I was ready to go. We did some more testing but we seem to in fixed the problems.

The chair is huge way wide for me to build difficult for me to set in on forever sliding out but at least its mobility back to get around which totally excites me and makes me grateful. I'm now looking forward to using this chair and seeing what we can do with the other. The motor I ordered in shared aarrive in Salt Lake by Monday and I will see if it can be refitted with harness that will fit this chair or my other Z. If it well I will go ahead and make the change out or take it to Create and let them up restore for that 250 that was talked about.. In either case I do think I can survive in this chair until the chair would get finished. The only problem I'm seeing now is I forgot how quick this chair in Energy I will have to be careful and make sure I keep an eye on the meter. I may even have to go back to carrying a charger with me so I can charge when I go but that's okay at least I have mobility. It's good to take a bit to get used to this chair but that's okay in life that's constantly changing and radically as I get older..

Straining For The Light

I'm really being challenged with this chair thing. The only thing that's keeping me going is to know that it will be resolved sooner or later it looks as if it will be later. I worked all day yesterday on trying to find a solution. But y'all read that in yesterday's post. Not much as changed. Last night I struggled for two hours trying to get in the bed for my manual chair. Eventually I had to pull the emergency cord on sidewall. Luckily I had my stay close by which allowed me to accomplish that task. I am afraid sitting on my butt for these long periods taken its toll. I do not see or feel any skin breakdown yet but I definitely feel I'm at risk. Jim came to my rescue last nigh about 12:30 AM and we were able to get my body in bed. But because precariously balanced in my chair and I can barely propel my chair I did not go to the kitchen to get my meds so I seem to suffer a bit after I got to bed with some major spasticity. My body finally settled down and I was able to get a little sleep it was a hard night. Tonight should be better since I will have staff will leave me naked in my chair and I should be able to roll in the bed much easier. On a positive note I was able to crank arm bike 30 minutes yesterday.

Now it consumed with the challenge of washing some clothes. I may try to see if I can send them home with car but Carl. I just have a hard time going all the way down to the laundry on my own. I may try still. I'm feeling quite guilty at seeing how hard Carl is working on getting the Van and my other power chair over here. He is but the charger on the battery and hopefully with the charger and him jumping the cables perhaps we can get the van running. If not then I will probably have the vehicle towed to my cousins. Either way it will be costly I am sure.

To say that I'm sleepy is an understatement. I find myself nodding off as I sit in my chair. It's kind of spooky because I don't have things to hang onto if I should need to grab something quickly. My goal is to get to the day the least trauma to myself and body as possible.I hope to turn the crank on my arm bike rally a half an hour around four and maybe get out and push a few reps on the rickshaw. I would also like to get out and sit in the sun. This would've been a good week for sun beasting.

I am trying to stay up both emotionally and physically but as you can sense I'm getting darker and darker. I know I can get on top of this. I'm pretty sure with just a few assists i.e. power chair I can remain independent. I still may have to consider other living options none of which make me very happy..

Best That I Can

This will be my second full day in the manual chair in the ongoing saga of the repair of my power chair. All the people who could help me yesterday were out or if there was a good reason they cannot provide the information that I needed our today does not going to be a factor I have got to get some resolution get my ass out of this chair. I must admit however sure certainly given me a workout, physical workout. I don't think I get the concentrated effect but I have with the rickshaw but as Paul pointed out whenever I do pressure release I am lifting a lot more than what's on the rickshaw right now. Even so I would have to do a lot of releases to equal the hundred reps I do in the rickshaw. Now that is Thursday I know I have no hopes of getting the chair repaired at the earliest next week and that will be at the end of next week – –sigh. So I'm guess I'm in for the long haul. I got into bed last night okay now doing okay with my brother coming over to help in the mornings.. Not sure what I'll do over the weekend.

It's kind of crazy but actually went on eBay and found a couple of motors and I found a used motor for 19 bucks. Sorry got screwed on shipping like 40 bucks but I'm desperate this is a gamble, spooky. The two hammer motors would be 300 bucks in whatever shipping would be involved and I still might do those my guy thinks they are credible. That would be right up there with what create sort of suggested for one motor. Is all kind of freaks me out. Just for kicks I included the search I did for brand-new motors from a wheelchair repair shop. I got both of those I would be looking at 3000.. However, my repair guy Gary says he give me a break but even then it would be right up there at least 2000 bucks. Now the other option if this used motor works I could try to go through Medicare my insurance cover to see if they would consider the whole thing.. That's really complicated in the long-shot time -wise.. I would hate to spend that amount of money but oddly I could this at this point in time.

So I've ordered the use motor and I guess it's coming.. I hope I've done the right thing. I don't know what else I could do. Sometimes I feel so inept at living can't believe it

. Somehow I feel I'm just letting everybody down but I'm doing what seems the best that I can. 

B1a	DRVMOTR1306	MOTOR, DRIVE, ES712 HIGH SPEED HAMMER, TAPERED SHAFT W/43" LEADS, RIGHT HAND MWD/LEFT HAND RWD, CURTIS CONNECTOR, H-1059-007, (ELECTROCRAFT: 712-113-006-02)	$1,494.76	Add
B1b	DRVMOTR1307	MOTOR, DRIVE, ES712 HIGH SPEED HAMMER, TAPERED SHAFT W/43" LEADS, LEFT HAND MWD/RIGHT HAND RWD, CURTIS CONNECTOR, H-1059-008, (ELECTROCRAFT: 712-112-005-02)

Note: I'm so stupid!  I ordered this item then went back at the image and saw that the wire been disconnected or cut off so I don't even know if it's  usable grrrrrrrr

More Equipment Stress

Paul was here Tuesday and he knew I had to do the Assist meeting. 

I Did Assist, lunch with David then back to the apartment,spent the afternoon with Paul. Six o'clock we went to dinner .There is so much happening I don't even know where to start. We had a great dinner. I sent Carl and Paul home and went to check my mail and all of a sudden my chair malfunctioned.. I seem to have lost my motor on my left side. I called Paul and Carl who came back and try to fix my chair. We're hoping for easy fix that didn't happen course. I even called Gary from Norco. I was really hoping he could pull a rabbit out of his hat.. He could not the best we could do was provide them with serial number information and he was going to check with the Corporation about warranty and quick fix options through the manufacturer.

I sent Carl and Paul home and then rolled around for a little bit.. I knew I was in trouble when I cannot get my clothes off, more specifically my pants. I was able to get them partially off the decided just to go to bed. I was surprised to see how challenged I was even in getting into bed. It was quite a struggle but I finally was able to make the transition. Luckily by partially having my pants off I was able to use those to get I laid back on the bed get to sleep I was exhausted..

Carl got me up this morning – – dressed and in my chair. Paul came over later on and actually fix the shelf or desk-I have been thinking about. Now I have a nice work area next to the chest of drawers. Paul also got a lattice for the patio. I should be able to work out there this summer with no problems that's really great and of course she would not take any payment for the lattice. It's been really great to have Paul here. Paul has helped me out a lot even with his bum-foot.. It was great having both brothers here help me out I truly felt blessed.

I have to admit I'm kind of feeling bummed out because the weather is turned beautiful. Today the temperature should be up around 75° that is unbelievable.. I of course cannot enjoy the weather fully because I don't have my power chair.. But perhaps the lesson here is to forget about what I could be doing enjoy the moment of joy being able to sit out on my patio, in the shade, and enjoy the weather I can during this day that I can. Accept this moment in time– – to slow down and enjoy what I have which is a lot. I was reminded yesterday when I read the posts from two of my friends, Almost AL and Tim two guys with disabilities that are going through a great deal of pain and prospects of immediate surgery which could lay him up for the rest of the summer to totally miss a summer. When you're a person with a disability losing good weather/summer is almost unbearable.

Little Brother

My  bro Paul

I'm kind of excited. My younger brother, Paul,, called last week to let me know you'd be in Salt Lake today and want to visit.. Actually, I think more specifically he was coming down to visit me and probably my older brother Carl too.

Paul is an incredible guy. He is five years younger than I am, the oldest member of the last family of my parents.. I know that sounds weird but it's true. I think it's things that gone as they showed up I would've been the baby in the family. However, that was not today. We were fortunate to inherit for more kids at that point and Paul was the oldest..

I wish I carried clearer memories of my little brother. I sit and focus on Paul and with the help of images from our youth memories begin to flow. The memories I have of my little brother in his infancy, toddler little kid phase our global. The as a time when he seemed to be everywhere I was. We seem to do a lot of roughhousing around the house. Wrestling on the big rock in the front room or in front of the TV.. I was in junior high wrestling, Paul was around seven. We have pictures from tthat time.

I had my accident when I was 15 Paul would've been 10. In trying to think the younger kids took a big hit when I had my right. I think mmy accident was my insidious demand for attention and I got it. The rest of the family suffered and I don't even know if they knew it.

My brother Paul is now an independent contractor. He and his wife build all kinds of mansions in the Boise area. He just finished a Cathedral cabin for himself not far from Boise. And totally proud of him and what he is done with his life. Paul's been a good son, dad, bfoher and friend. I wish I could be more like him. I think Paul is totally real what you see is what you get. Add Paul been born a few years earlier like my time I think Paul would have been hippy.

A few weeks ago broke his foot somehow. He was snowmobiling or skiing or something recreational. Thank goodness the break was not super serious. He is having to spend some time pampering his foot. He's got one of those new moon boots they get people now I can eat. Walking boots used to be walking casts. Paul can get around but she cannot do anything like work and is beginning to drive him crazy. So take a day trip one crip visiting another crip. I don't know what were going to do. It's not like I have a vehicle I can take them anywhere or that I can go anywhere in his vehicle. So I think you have to be here at the apartment complex which is okay. There are restaurants close by, we can order in or he and I can even make something. It doesn't matter what we eat what matters is some together time.

Long Days Short Nights

It's a few minutes after 7 PM and I can't believe it the sun is out looking like 6 o'clock, anyway like 6 o'clock yesterday evening.. Yes, daylight savings time kicked in this morning at 2 AM. I am always shocked when that happens. I mean I was blown away this morning when I woke in my clock said 830! I never sleep that long but I did last night.. Then it dawned on me that it was actually 7:30 AM but with the new time it was 830. Even with that however that would've been seven hours sleep and I never get that that much sleep the only thing I can even think which might have had an impact was that last night late like at 11:30 PM I did 30 minutes on my Saratoga silver just so I could get some exercise in yesterday. I don't know where the time went. I did my usual running around. I did some cooking in the evening I made some great Asian beef rice. I made some white rice that I picked up at the sharing shelf. I was so pleased with myself that I finally got the rice done okay. Mark Anthony came over last night to help me with the computer/TV and he even makes him to be 40 when out dancing.

I feel guilty because it was a beautiful day and I didn't really do anything with it but hang around the apartment and do some cleaning or trying to do some cleaning. My brother, Paul is coming tomorrow. I'm trying to make the apartment a bit more presentable it's a huge job. So I've been messing with the apartment doing a little vacuuming,, washing dishes and trying to straighten up my workstation a little, old by the TV and by the bookcase. It's a lot of work that didn't make much progress. And the watch a lot of Amazon TV. Why do I need to be careful with this. I could ruin the rest of my life with Amazon. Actually have to be strong. I've been watching on my laptop that love to be in to get the picture onto the big screen. I have a call in for Mark a but so far and not heard anything from him except for a cryptic ttext is morning which either gw might come over or help me over the Internet so,the thing okay? I doubt he could talk me through but you never know. I do appreciate that he does come over when I ask. I'm afraid I am becoming such a senior parent. I continue to deal with the guilt of what Dianne is going through. I need to figure out how to get the van with my stuff over here. I thought about tomorrow with Paul but asking Paul on his visits might be asking too much.I'll certainly be glad when all this is over if it ever is.

We are now in the days of long daylight – – the morning to be darker by an hour until sunrises so early that it does not matter. The days of warm to the point that I need to either get a hold of my short pants or invest in some perhaps. I feel like lyrics to Billy Joel song.

Both Sides Now

I get so frustrated with individuals and organizations which only lists or publish part of an idea or need for their product. I've noticed lately on television and some in the printed media where the cost of items of gotten so astronomical that instead of listing the price of an item they list the monthly payments or how much the price is been reduced as an enticement for seekers to delve deeper into their purchase commitment.

Earlier this week I noted with interest that Judy Collins was going to be in concert here in Salt Lake tomorrow, Saturday the 11^th day of March.. And I was intrigued by the name. “Judy Collins” sign out in my mind like a signpost pointing me back to the 60s and early 70s.. To me, there is nothing more powerful ability to do time displacement or time travel as music. When I think that Judy CollinsI immediately think of her hit Both Sides Now. Both Sides Now Was one of those pieces of music that was always running in the background when it was popular. I don't think I appreciated the peace as much as I did later in the piece was mentioned by Tom Hanks in the movie ,You Got Mail. Where Hanks talks about the song. I watched the movie a couple times a year if not more so sounds always on my mind now when I saw that Ms. Collins would be in town this weekend and Saturday night tonight that I don't have staff so I don't have to do my process I toyed with the idea why not go to a concert even if the events downtown and I would have to depend on public transit of one sort or another to go and get back. Going of course to be no problem is that getting `it's a little dicey for me and bus routes close After Dark. I would even consider takin bus route like 200 or the 201 which I know runs late and then taking a cab from the hospital to my apartment complex. The price of a cab would cost less than it cost me to go to the dentist couple months ago and I could handle at no problem. So just to be curious I went to the Internet and finding “Judy Collins” was easy enough but then I was taken on a circuitous routebbase landing eventually on her website. I want to find out what the cost of the ticket would be.. The concerts can be a high-end joint downtown called Abravenal Hall. I figured the ticket to be expensive but I is one no. I could not find the price of tickets nor could I find Abravenal Hall. I thought maybe if I went to the Hall itself I could find prices there along with seating. But every time I got there I would be taken back to the Judy Collins website which became quickly annoying if not frustrated. I suppose if I click “purchase tickets” I might be able to get a pricing option when they want to see my Visa card but that's just too spooky.

This morning I briefly tried again and this time I actually went to YouTube and actually listen to really the only two pieces of her songbook I've ever known and certainly I didn't need to go to the concert. I got my fill of Judy Collinsspace and that was enough. I'm still wondering about the adventure of taking the bus downtown to the the gala of the concert at the Abravenal.

So tomorrow night rather than getting dressed and doing the town I will be home watching You Got Mail and thinking about ice cream castles in the sky”

Just A Little Nervous…

At times I get a bit anxious and I realize another week is nearly over. It's Thursday morning in 60 or so minutes will have another session of the coffee hour. That of course is not the real name of the event for a number of folks from this facility gets together and has coffee and chats. No gossip out on sure some sneaks in. It's mainly old ladies or should I say women that are just a shade older than I. Occasionally one of the other males in this facility drops in but it's rare that I've seen. Their cookies and cakes, donuts and sweet rolls sometimes even homemade but I really partake of them because I'm trying to maintain my weight – – or even lose some weight. I have to be honest I look forward to this day and I would hate to miss it if it did not have to. I have once or twice for dental appointments for health reasonsbut by in large I show up and participate.

I don't know why the number seems to be getting larger and last couple weeks. Not necessarily new people to the facility for folks will been here for some time are now taking part. Anne is the representative from corporate – – that is my emphasis on corporate – – she is great. To my understanding she is not a trained social worker but she certainly seems the part. She definitely facilitates this group however softly. She is definitely part of the group but she is also definitely corporate. There are two other members of the group were corporate – – this is a married couple were what are designated resident advisors or Ras. It would make sense that these two should be there since they are folks who residents can call on if they need to. I have numerous times and always been there for me. Still though they are definitely corporate. But I doubt they would ever volunteer such a statement I believe in the heart of hearts if you asked them they would say they have to be there as part of their job and working. That's okay it's all part of the group and all part of experience.

Sorry for the tangent – – I seem to be doing more tangentzing these days – – it's Thursday again time for group. I get nervous because the days are going way too quickly. My health is good and I think now that I have the arm bike fully operational again and doing my rickshaw that I'm beginning to feel more positive. I need to make a call to one of my docs to get a appointment or have them write a letter in my behalf to the DME provider in hopes of getting my foot hangers repaired.. This is a bit intimidating but I suppose I can do this. More control they seem to be taking more control of my life which is exciting. Yesterday morning I noticed that Honey and neglected to plug in the charger of my list and I did it myself! This is the first time that I I plug the charger and myself. I had figure out how to get the charger low enough I can access it and then how to plug the battery in to the charger. I didn't and don't know why I've never done it befor, I would just sit there and look at it and worry that it would not have the power needed for the next use or I would try to find someone else to do it. This is stupid that I did not know how to do this myself. Another week this past, I'm another week older and another week closer to the end and this makes me a little nervous.

Women's Day

It's international women's Day. Not to be too cynical but seems a bit contrived. I was on board the time for the big march in January over women's issues and women's rights and I still am just that seems pretty soon for another major international action.. But as I write this I instantly begin thinking I'm wrong this is exactly what we need to be doing, women hhave taken iit in the shorts way too much . I just hope they do not shoot themselves in the foot by having this action so close to the last. It just feels funny to me the way this whole thing or event disorder came up out of nowhere..

Interestingly last night my former CNA (Certified Nursing Assistant) I think that's what CNA stands for, pretty sure.. CNA''sGail and I've written about her once or twice before. I've yet to get a picture of the two of us together which I really want to do soon to be able to post. As I've written before she is not coming over seems like once a week. This started before the inspection when I need someone to come and help me just once or twice but now seems to be a thing. It's just for an hour usually she cleans up a little bit last night we make Jell-O and talked about making some hummus. Earlier in the day I had been over to be Indian market woods across the street from my apartment and bought a big bag of garbanzos/chickpeas. The legumes are in the dry state and take a great deal of attention to hydrate, cooked and then processed in the hummus. Improving.net looking for recipes which are many.

I almost got sidetracked. Find out why make is that this 70+-year-old woman is working every day of the week. If she takes a break it has to come, as vacation. Last night was the first time I have ever heard her talk about wanting to rest/retire and do nothing but what she wants to do. But she says she can't do that life is too desperate for on top of that she is roped in to the people she cares for. She feels,, and I think she's right, for people desperately want and need her. I could talk her into maybe realizing that whether she's here are not world moves on and so would her people. I'm almost feeling guilty for having come over. She also seems to enjoy the time when she's here but that could just be me see what I was seeing. I know I asked her if she was going to take today off she would just look at me like I had three heads. As much as I need Home Health operations is much less for the women's movement I storm consumer and looking for the cheapest price for the best service I can get from a home care needs which makes me just another jerk American male. So I guess that makes me a big phony8s hate but that is the way that it is…

Close My Mouth

I know this blog posting is almost the sound sophomoric subject matter's been driving me crazy for the last couple months. I almost started by saying “for some reason” I've been gaining weight but in reality I know the reason. I'm just eating way too much. I cannot seem to stop myself I don't know why because I know I want to lose the weight I need to lose weigh but the weight gain is ccreeping on me. I have really wandered into foreign territory here and I'm getting really concerned. It's not an issue of cosmetic appearances well really I would really like to look thinner – – like everybody else – – but more importantly I need to weigh less for health reasons. I notice my butt seems to be more and more sensitive the last couple weeks. Associate this directly with weight gain. I had the reverse phenomenon when I began to radically lose weight during the last months of the marriage. Skin breakdown on my butt seemed to lesson and I felt somewhat lighter on my butt. I know this sounds weird but this is fairly crucial for a person in the chair. Skin breakdown is all-important. I know not only is it easier for me to do weight reduction lifts I just seem lighter in the chair.

I've tried to eat more salads and sometimes I do fairly good eating the salads. I've even started ordering salads when I do fast food. Last couple weeks I have had a taco salad when I stopped, on the way home at 20 for South at Carl Junior's. I really don't know if this is any better than a burger but it feels like the right thing to do when ordering fast food. It's weird because I don't think I'm getting that many calories but I must. I started making this concoction of nuts,, M&Ms, small pretzels and then when I think is I sparingly eat them while watching TV in the evening. This must pack more calories than I think because I continue to inch up on the scales. I weigh myself three nights a week or I have my staff weigh me when she lets me from the shower back to my power chair. I have a scales on the left which is very convenient. Last Friday I weigh 99.1 kgs and initiate higher but I'm inching back to 100 kg which is way too much. Over the weekend I'm a chicken Frank which I think is okay if I just eat sparingly and I also made a casserole Fritos tamale pie which I think is a fat bomb. And actually everything is a fat bomb I just hate it.

Llast week I went to lunch with my friend and yesterday I took myself out to breakfast and had breakfast fare. I could've ordered the senior plate or even their light weight watchers plate is no I just ordered corned beef hash which comes with two fried eggs and I ate most of the meal. It's stupid I know better but I keep feeding myself what is wrong with me? I need to work out more that's what I tell myself. I've got my arm bike repair now and hopefully warm weather will return quickly so I can start pushing my rickshaw regularly. I really think these two therapies help but are no solution to my problem I just have to close my mouth..

On Being Human

I took myself out, again, this Sunday for breakfast, which felt absolutely responsible and I did I went out anyway. I had more than enough food in the fridge prepare. I could've done bacon eggs, pancakes and eggs, mush cold cereal even boiled eggs and toast which is really not bad and probably really pretty good for losing weight. But still I chose to go out and have breakfast at a restaurant. This morning I chose the Village Inn about two blocks from my apartment. Actually the VI is right across the street from Dee's where I shared a breakfast with my buddy Duane earlier this week.

I got there a little before 8 AM and the place was almost deserted. Sunday morning rush had not yet developed. The morning was kind of nice little chilly with the wind but not bad. I ordered coffee coffee was great! I was surprised as also surprised when I heard myself ordering a steak breakfast.. Steak and eggs wow I even had the kitchen slice of my steak into bite-size bits! Soon after I was seated for patrons began to drift in and were seated all around . Mostly couples I wondered what they were up to. I of course envied them because they were couple out having an early breakfast to what was probably going to be a busy day. There were also smaller groups of folk, three young guys at one table to add another. The group of guys look like it either been at an all nighter or had just gotten up. There is not much talk, staring off into the distance an gulping the coffee when it came.

The steak was a sirloin cut. The meat was tough and almost cold when I got to it. I had become preoccupied with updating my Facebook account. The state was good enough I think I enjoyed my steak from Dee's more, earlier in the week but then again that state cost two dollars more. I thought it somewhat amusing the waitress tried to arrange the condiments on my table i.e. steak sauce, ketchup and sweeteners etc. but yet they for the most part were all out of my reach. I had neglected to bring a short hook with me. I found myself eating my statement my fingers and even fragments of the hashbrowns clumped together enough to renderer a good pinch. I was a little self-conscious of being such a barbarian but no one seemed to notice and it wasn't grossly and the mouth. Perhaps had there been more people around I would've used the fork more but really it took a lot of energy sphere the bites of sirloin.

I know I'm preoccupied with gaining weight. I'm not doing very well with dieting. I came to the realization that the reason I've done as well as I had this because Dianne was in my corner supporting me in my challenge. Not having Dianne in my life now I think is the reason for my significant weight gain.. I don't know how to remedy this except by just being stronger. I don't know why I can't do this. The weight gain is actually frightening to me. I can feel myself getting larger which is cosmetic but still bums me out but more importantly I can feel the weight pulling on me into my chair which I feel could cause pressure sores which terrifies me. Still I take myself out to breakfast when I know I shouldn't and order fat that I know I shouldn't sometimes I just need to feel human.

Happy Weekend

Today is Saturday and it actually feels like Saturday.. You know that feeling when you have had a good nights restit feels like the end of the week. It's the day that you are taxed get something done something productive if not beneficial. I love that feeling. I woke up make coffe had a couple of boiled eggs space and toast when I jumped on lying to see if my computer would tie into the Wi-Fi offered by my apartment complex which to my shock the computer linked right up! So of course I had to look at my emails and get rid of every piece of junk mail/spam, then of course Facebook. That of course is a real-time guzzler.. I did a couple of posts and then started actually communicating with folks on messenger. I've gotten over my shyness of using the verbal/visual option of messenger and really kind of like it but not everyone else shares my face-to-face enthusiasm.. Still though I find it much easier to communicate verbally then typing or dictating things out the old way.

I would really enjoy utilizing these features so much more if I had a connection to the Internet that was not as funky as mine. I use the Wi-Fi offered through my apartment complex. The Wi-Fi is spotty at best. Usually I cannot even access Wi-Fi at all but the last couple of weeks I've been able to get on with much more frequency that I have been. And sometimes in the evenings for quite extended period of time, long enough to do these face-to-face chats on messenger. Again, I think I've gone over this to some degree the past. But the best thing explanation that I can get from anybody anywhere is that the Wi-Fi I use is broadcast from the front of the building and of course I am all the way on the far end of the building.. Now the resident advisors have indicated that they have Wi-Fi boosters throughout the hallways but I don't know how viable these boosters are. I have noticed, however, that when they reboot these boosters I do get quite a bit of extended play on the Wi-Fi. I'm toying with the possibility of getting Xfinity, the cable provider, but I have such a hard time dealing with these pricks. And I'm quite spooked at having access to reliable and censored Internet. I had this kind of access I may never do anything productive again. And even now, I am debating on blowing up the day outside as opposed to writing my monthly letters which I can do tomorrow just as easily yesterday or even Monday when a storm is supposed to be passing throughc space the area.

It's Saturday and I still love Saturdays. I was afraid that in retirement I would not, I was afraid the days when all blend together and run together like about watercolor. But that's not the case I love weekends still cherish the holidays hope you do too happy weekend..

Moving On

As you may be aware from previous blog entries I have been somewhat preoccupied with the apartment inspections that were coming up this week. Actually they should have been last week but were changed for some reason. I guess there are two kinds of inspections one inspection by the folks who own the property which is a private nonprofit called Utah nonprofit association and there is more comprehensive inspection done by HUD.

I of course quizzed my apartment neighbors who all said not to worry that these inspections were pretty much low-key and pretty much for the nonprofit to see where unit improvements could be made. Inspections are not to be punitive. However, when the person who is over these inspections, informed us they were going to be coming she did make it sound at least to me punitive. They were not they were everything my apartment mates said. In fact I think I will be getting some significant improvements to the apartment because of the inspections. I like my apartment clean like this and I'm going to try to keep it picked up and clean like it is now. I will also try to keep a friend of mine coming in weekly helping with some of the apartment issues on my have. I like your company. She is safe and I think she likes to come over.

Also during this period something happened to my arm-bike. The speed indicator are tension/resistance module stopped working. I researched the problem which the sort of indicated was due to static charge that I may have inadvertently administered to the machine. Luckily I had some materials that came with the bike as well is going online. I tried to contact the factory but to no avail.. I could get no one to respond to the messages I left and when I try to get hold of a Monday that shut the place down for a week. However,, the maintenance guy came over today to work on my apartment and I had him try the workaround or solution the Internet provided – – which I tried and didn't work – – but of course when he tried to reset took and it looks like I have a machine for exercising again which is great! I think I've really been having a hard time sleeping since I haven't been able to physically work out as I have

My next big project I guess will be doing my taxes are figuring out how to do my taxes. I'm going to have to contact Dianneto see how to figure this out. We were going to file jointly but because the divorce was so quick I don't know if we are still filing together are even if we can. This just leaves me with a bunch of questions I need to ask so I can figure out how to proceed on the next step. Then focused on my butt but feels like a possible skin breakdown that's what I don't need either specially with spring around the corner. I've had a buffer for the last week and a half now that's gone and I must move on.

March 1st

I'm getting nervous. Tomorrow supposedly is the inspection, the apartment inspection I've been grousing about the last week or so. I have been assured that this inspection is no big deal that they just want to check out my apartment to see if there is any repairs that need to be done or considered. This possibly also be a good time to bring up ideas I might have asked to what might make this living situation even better for me. I don't know if that far our technical.. I hope I will be well enough to stand the process.. I think I'm going through some sort of a UTI event. I plan to do some flushing today hopefully that will make me feel somewhat better tomorrow.

It has been cold the past couple of days making being out in the weather somewhat challenging but not too bad. Yesterday, I made my meeting in the morning than just a goofed around in the afternoon. I'm somewhat frustrated because my hand bike choose or arm bike has stopped working. Well, actually your bike basically works it just gives me no resistance and the resistance is what I need. I mean I don't know if just sitting there cranking away at no resistance is worth the effort. I suppose I get some sort of cardiac stimulation from cranking but still without resistance it seems somewhat futile. I of course checked the manual to see if there was a quick fix their which there was but of course did not work and secondly I have numerous calls into Rand-Scott, the folks who manufacture the Saratoga Silver and they have tried once or twice to call me back but I've not been able to get to the phone and time and when I try to call back I just get a recording leave a message. I hope the fix is easy and very inexpensive but I would actually pay a lot to get it repaired selecting get back into my workout regimen. I have not even the lifting are pushing the rickshaw because it's been cold outside and snowing. Hopefully that will at least change. It can be thy imagination but I think that ill health I am experiencing now is directly related to my new inactivity.I've made a priority to make contact with Rand Scott to see what it will take to resolve this problem. I'm also going to start looking at local solutions.. The problems electrical, and I agree with what little research I found which says that the issue is probably an electric surge of some sort that knocked out the one part of the machine that I need to have working to provide the resistance but we shall see.

It is March now. The hours of daylight are longer aand I sense the days are going to be warmer even by the end of the week. This gives me great joy and hope of making it into the next season. It does not look like my class will be offered again the semester at community College.I guess I could audit some other class but that wouldn't be the same as an art class. I would really like to be a better artist that I currently am.. I'm so gauche.