Close My Mouth

I know this blog posting is almost the sound sophomoric subject matter's been driving me crazy for the last couple months. I almost started by saying “for some reason” I've been gaining weight but in reality I know the reason. I'm just eating way too much. I cannot seem to stop myself I don't know why because I know I want to lose the weight I need to lose weigh but the weight gain is ccreeping on me. I have really wandered into foreign territory here and I'm getting really concerned. It's not an issue of cosmetic appearances well really I would really like to look thinner – – like everybody else – – but more importantly I need to weigh less for health reasons. I notice my butt seems to be more and more sensitive the last couple weeks. Associate this directly with weight gain. I had the reverse phenomenon when I began to radically lose weight during the last months of the marriage. Skin breakdown on my butt seemed to lesson and I felt somewhat lighter on my butt. I know this sounds weird but this is fairly crucial for a person in the chair. Skin breakdown is all-important. I know not only is it easier for me to do weight reduction lifts I just seem lighter in the chair.

I've tried to eat more salads and sometimes I do fairly good eating the salads. I've even started ordering salads when I do fast food. Last couple weeks I have had a taco salad when I stopped, on the way home at 20 for South at Carl Junior's. I really don't know if this is any better than a burger but it feels like the right thing to do when ordering fast food. It's weird because I don't think I'm getting that many calories but I must. I started making this concoction of nuts,, M&Ms, small pretzels and then when I think is I sparingly eat them while watching TV in the evening. This must pack more calories than I think because I continue to inch up on the scales. I weigh myself three nights a week or I have my staff weigh me when she lets me from the shower back to my power chair. I have a scales on the left which is very convenient. Last Friday I weigh 99.1 kgs and initiate higher but I'm inching back to 100 kg which is way too much. Over the weekend I'm a chicken Frank which I think is okay if I just eat sparingly and I also made a casserole Fritos tamale pie which I think is a fat bomb. And actually everything is a fat bomb I just hate it.

Llast week I went to lunch with my friend and yesterday I took myself out to breakfast and had breakfast fare. I could've ordered the senior plate or even their light weight watchers plate is no I just ordered corned beef hash which comes with two fried eggs and I ate most of the meal. It's stupid I know better but I keep feeding myself what is wrong with me? I need to work out more that's what I tell myself. I've got my arm bike repair now and hopefully warm weather will return quickly so I can start pushing my rickshaw regularly. I really think these two therapies help but are no solution to my problem I just have to close my mouth..