On Being Human

I took myself out, again, this Sunday for breakfast, which felt absolutely responsible and I did I went out anyway. I had more than enough food in the fridge prepare. I could've done bacon eggs, pancakes and eggs, mush cold cereal even boiled eggs and toast which is really not bad and probably really pretty good for losing weight. But still I chose to go out and have breakfast at a restaurant. This morning I chose the Village Inn about two blocks from my apartment. Actually the VI is right across the street from Dee's where I shared a breakfast with my buddy Duane earlier this week.

I got there a little before 8 AM and the place was almost deserted. Sunday morning rush had not yet developed. The morning was kind of nice little chilly with the wind but not bad. I ordered coffee coffee was great! I was surprised as also surprised when I heard myself ordering a steak breakfast.. Steak and eggs wow I even had the kitchen slice of my steak into bite-size bits! Soon after I was seated for patrons began to drift in and were seated all around . Mostly couples I wondered what they were up to. I of course envied them because they were couple out having an early breakfast to what was probably going to be a busy day. There were also smaller groups of folk, three young guys at one table to add another. The group of guys look like it either been at an all nighter or had just gotten up. There is not much talk, staring off into the distance an gulping the coffee when it came.

The steak was a sirloin cut. The meat was tough and almost cold when I got to it. I had become preoccupied with updating my Facebook account. The state was good enough I think I enjoyed my steak from Dee's more, earlier in the week but then again that state cost two dollars more. I thought it somewhat amusing the waitress tried to arrange the condiments on my table i.e. steak sauce, ketchup and sweeteners etc. but yet they for the most part were all out of my reach. I had neglected to bring a short hook with me. I found myself eating my statement my fingers and even fragments of the hashbrowns clumped together enough to renderer a good pinch. I was a little self-conscious of being such a barbarian but no one seemed to notice and it wasn't grossly and the mouth. Perhaps had there been more people around I would've used the fork more but really it took a lot of energy sphere the bites of sirloin.

I know I'm preoccupied with gaining weight. I'm not doing very well with dieting. I came to the realization that the reason I've done as well as I had this because Dianne was in my corner supporting me in my challenge. Not having Dianne in my life now I think is the reason for my significant weight gain.. I don't know how to remedy this except by just being stronger. I don't know why I can't do this. The weight gain is actually frightening to me. I can feel myself getting larger which is cosmetic but still bums me out but more importantly I can feel the weight pulling on me into my chair which I feel could cause pressure sores which terrifies me. Still I take myself out to breakfast when I know I shouldn't and order fat that I know I shouldn't sometimes I just need to feel human.