Garden Hoe!

It's finally hot I mean really hot flirtations with 90s which is great. The ground itself is finally warming which means it's time to plant something. When I moved here, to the apartments, in October I was a little concerned about plants and garden stuff. To be honest I thought I had pretty much just my type of gardening goodbye which was sad but I had a place to live. Now many months later, through a dark cold winter behold there is sunshine, very warm temperatures and you know what there is a garden spot here at the apartments!

Early on in one of the coffee socials that we have every Thursday morning I brought up the notion of wasn't possible to have a place to garden. The answer was yes but seemed like there was some politicking going on. I kind of put everything out of my mind until this week and I realized that spaces in the two garden boxes were being staked out like claims. I decided I would wait and see if all the spaces were taken. Spend a couple weeks so yesterday morning I stopped in and asked Jennifer about the garden spaces and she said that she and figured everyone who wanted a space had applied. It looks like only about three or four people took advantage of the opportunity. The best part was there seem to be lots of space left so I stuck my claim.

I have to admit I'm kind of excited. I realize I don't have really any gardening tools but that's okay I went across the street to the polygamist hardware store and purchased a small hand shovel. I came back in turned over little dirt I think the hand shovel work just fine. Now I have to find some plants that look like there hoping for a new home. There's a small nursery directly across the street from my apartment, there is also plants for sale at polygamist hardware. The problem with the nursery is the really good plants looks to me like there in the back which I really can't get to very easily but I might give it a shot.

When I was out by the planting space this afternoon will will the other apartment dwellers came by and said “Oh, I guess some of the folks couldn't wait to jump the gun” meaning she thought there had not been permission given to start the garden process – – which is not true. My neighbor quickly told me that she wasn't interested in doing any garden this year because last year was such a trauma. Some people getting preferential treatment over others, some people started the project but abandoning their growths in the middle of summer. I kind of tuned her out but started thinking wow did I get myself involved in a political hot potato? Oh well. I'm going to dig, plant and coax my plants to grow and hope for the best with everything else.

Wound Care?

Last night Honey, my home health staff, examined my bottom when she got me up in the sling and reported, as I had feared that I developed the world am I right hip. It's not that I've been in major pain but I could tell something was happening over there. Friday, which was the last night that I saw Honey we putOptik tape on my butt which usually provides enough protection that if I am having pressure issues the tape will act as a second skin. Not so this time. She indicated that a wounded broken through and there was blood not a good sign.

I fretted over the new wound all night and this morning decided I would head over to the Inter-Mountain Health Care campus and just crash my doctors office. I know that if I called they would just tell me I would have to wait for horrendously long time and really not engage. I did not have my weekly Assist meeting but I had to go into the library anyway to return my book and pick up a new volume. I decided I would stop on the way back. My batteries were lower than usual I knew this, something happened last night when I plugged them to charge my batteries before I spoke to bed and they only gave me a partial charge. This vexes me if not concerns me greatly. So anyway I knew I had to be careful on what I chose to do this morning.

When I got to the hospital/campus I noted that my charge indicator said I still had just about half a battery electric tell the charge was eroding quickly. It took me a bit of searching but I finally found my primary physician's office which then led me to my neural care. While I was at my primary care docs desk I had them schedule appointment for me next week since I found I hadn't seen him for over a year. The neural care folks got me in to their clinic also next week which worries me a lot. My previous experience with wound care at the University of Utah was when I presented with a,wound or even just a reddening of the skin wound care would always take me immediately. Not so at I H C . Big Nurse informed me that this is a clinic and you have to set appointments. I tried to press the point that my wound currently is small and the do not want it in the larger, the scheduler agreed but held her ground. The best they could do was next Thursday at 9:50 AM. Of course, I'm scared to death this mean is going to blossom into a major infested wound by then. They didn't seem too concerned. So maybe I will no be concerned either. I'll just have to watch the wound and any progress it might make as well as really go out of my way to keep weight off my butt. The scheduler did however agreed to let me call if the wound gets worse and hopefully the position would be able to get me in sooner.

This kind of wound maintenance is not how I want to run my life. I really am trying to be proactive here I just wish they could help me be proactive there.

Memorial Day Weekend – – Remembering Sheelan

Thank goodness all my sisters are still alive at least the sisters I grew up with, that I know of. But I do have a sister, well sister-in-law, former sister-in-law who passed on while she was my sister-in-law, if that makes any sense. Her name was Sheelan (if you care to do a search of this website you will find a number of posts that mention Sheelan). Sheelan was a person who was a quadriplegic much like me but who had a much more severe injury and I sustained. In fact, her injury was similar to my friend Gene's who are wrote about yesterday.

I got to know Sheelan when she came to the independent living Center for services. I thought Sheelan was amazing. I believe she was still a teenager when she broke her neck and automobile accident. She lived at the centers apartment complex for people with disabilities learn to live independently. She did so well she ended up being employed at the Independent living Center. She became part of the I L family. She was a little rocker roller – – a redheaded rock 'n roller. She smoked like a smokestack, drank like a fish and she was totally in love with life. You couldn't help below Sheelan. Sheelan story is so elaborate it would take too long to fill out one post. Her life at least is a long short story if not novel.

Sheelan died in the late winter or early spring. As I said Sheelan was a quadriplegic and she requires a chest and affection, a bad cold which settled in her lungs. I don't know how many people know that if you quadriplegic many times if not usually contacted your lungs are affected, your diaphragm is usually paralyzed to some degree making it difficult to expel the air or breath. The first of the week Sheelan was coughing around the office and got worse over the week there is a party Friday or Saturday night she was coughing pretty bad than. Later during the weekend she would in the hospital slipped into a coma and died the following week of Acute Respiratory Distress Syndrome.

I was so fortunate for a short period to have her as my sister-in-law. She married my then wife's brother Dell. It was a short marriage only a couple years long and very feisty but they are kind of cute couple I miss them both. Sheelan eventually dumped Dell. She owned a home in a nice area Salt Lake County which she often shared with parts of her family. Now you got understand not only did she have the challenge of being a quadriplegic but she came from a family who had a number of significantly deaf members. In fact Sheelan's mother was a deaf counselor at our independent living Center. She will of course signed fluently and fluently read sign. I am surprised at how well your family read her sign. Sheelan passed in the 1990s I really cannot remember the exact date or even year but I know Sheelan died well before the Towers fell. She is one of the few that I'd love to sit down and visit with about all that has happened since she passed. I would've loved to see how she aged.

Memorial Day Weekend--Remembering Gene

I once had a friend named Eugene – – of course he would never let anyone called him Eugene, except his grandparents and that was only his grandmother. I like, everybody else called him Gene and actually after a while I called him Geno. I cannot say we were close friends, though we kind of were through friends by association. Geno and I were both quadriplegics, breaking our next back in the mid-60s. We were both at Elks Rehabilitation Hospital in Boise Idaho. Gene was just leaving the institution as I was coming in. We overlapped a couple weeks. There were three of us in the ward at the time Geno, Steve and me. I guess they thought because we are all similar aged and similar diagnosed that we should be together. Geno and Steve had been there months when I arrived. You could say they are both bad boys, angry at life and their disability and I gues I would've been angery too had I sustaineda spinal cord injury as severe as there's. I did not realize then a lot of their angst was a direct result of their injuries. My cortical insult was bad, not only could I not walk or control my bodily functions I had very limited use of my upper body specifically my hands. Luckily, I could move my arms in a gross manner I was very limited but these two guys were much more limited than I, which I guess put things in perspective and perhaps was the reason I seem to deal with my disability as well as I did. (The relationship between these three folks is detailed further in the upcoming volume: First Story on a Second Story World..

Gene and I became associates primarily because we were both in wheelchairs and nobody else knew what to do with us especially previous friends. So, I often went to Gino's house on weekends. It was kind of weird Gene never came to mine place, but that was okay I'm not sure what we would've done had that been the case. Even at Gene's house house we really just hung around his room. I really think I went over there more for his parents than for Gene. His parents really liked to believe their son was getting on with his life – which of course he was not the case Gene was just sinking more and more into his depression. Later in 1967 or 68 Gene disowned his family and moved into a nursing home in downtown Boise. I continued to visit him at the nursing facility every week. I thought he was so cool. Gene was living completely on his own even if that place was a nursing home. Gene smoked cigarettes, drank beer and hard liquor and had a subscription to the Berkeley Barb, San Francisco's hippie newspaper.

I stopped seeing Gene as I became more involved in my life and high school. Quite frankly Gene's acting out was really begin to bum me out. I lost track and was shocked 10 or 15 years later when I learned of his death. Really was a shame Gene had gone down the rabbit hole of alcoholism and drug dependency and was just coming out. Gene dried out moved out long-term care and got a college degree in accounting. I don't know if Gene ever quit smoking he died of a respiratory infection. It was a stupid thing and should not of killed him but did. I didn't find out for about three or four months. I was then married and living in Pocatello, Idaho.

On this weekend of the dead I'm remembering Geno, I plan to visit the graveyard where there is no one there I know and pretend one of them's Gene and think of him.

Weekend Of Dead

Today is the beginning of the Memorial Day weekend. I was going to write a posting about dead people today that I have known, but I think I am going to wait until Monday to write that post. However, this morning I did get caught up reading obituaries. I may have at one time or another in these blogs talked about Legacy.com a website which allows you to go in and follow a newspaper of your choices obituary columns. I know that's pretty grim but I am interested at who is passing in my hometown of Idaho. I don't know why I am not so involved locally in Salt Lake in the obituary reading department. I am most interested in who is dying in Boise though.

Who is dying in Boise is of interest to me because I am at an age where many the folks, I grew up with are beginning to succumb to the whips and scorns of this challenging life. I'm also interested in finding those adults I grew up with, who are passing and reading their history as short as those histories might be. However, I'm finding out more and more folks I knew are passing on.

Each time I come upon someone who is passed on that I know I'm always shocked. The first thing I think of how can someone so young and I and then I have to think holy cow I'm 66 – – when did the world become so old? People I know who are my age are a little older are getting fatal diseases like cancer more and more regularly. I study statistics in college a little bit and when I roll back from the big picture and look at it from a statistical standpoint this all makes sense. Yup, it's time.

I'm all confused about graveyard etiquette or more specifically how crass is it not to visit people who are dead. I kind of would like to go out and visit mom and dad but they are way down in Santa Quinn Utah, which is more than ours interstate driving south from Salt Lake. The only way I could get down there would be in my wheelchair accessible van. I'm sure my brother is going down as well as some of my cousins because I have an uncle who is buried there as well. And I'm sure if I begged hard enough someone would drive me down in the van but I'm not even sure if the van would make it. Then I can always fall back on my feelings that though it be nice to do the visit and the fire able-bodied I would do the visit for sure but mom would not really expect me to with my disability. I don't know if that's true but it's fun to say I think should more rather harp on one of the brothers are cousins to drive me down. Since having someone drive me down was not going to have to happen I'm going to visit a small graveyard/cemetery next to a bus stop I get off of here in Taylorsville. It's a small little cemetery , kind of cute but a full working cemetery with graves, grass, plastic flowers and a crematorium all across the community college. I know this is a copout but hey wheelchair guy.

New Day

For me the biggest challenge of working with a group like DRAC is that it's an all volunteer organization. No one really gets paid. And that's not so bad it's that the volunteers the organization brings in are folks on the fringe. Folks that are so shunned/isolated from traditional self-help groups, advocacy groups and the like that there's no place left for them in the “normal world” but DRAC or people again who have been so marginalized by society for their peculiar rarities, disabilities or individualism's they have to be drawn to DRAC's wide arms. Many folks are angry and vindictive. Some folks will been discriminated against and to some degree emotionally brutalized all their life and for the first time taste a little power as they learn to advocate for themselves. They are banded together with a like-minded group director whether trying to make a bus system accessible, the restaurant was stairs usable to a person in a wheelchair as the able-bodied person who walks up the stairs or a school or education program that might limit programming or activities to a certain segment of students.

I think I am a disability snob. I have to force myself to work with some populations with disabilities which I feel very uncomfortable with or that I have some level of discrimination against which is one of my own inadequacies. One of my biggest pet peeves when working with volunteer organizations like DRAC is that the constituencies of the organization have a rudimentary understanding of an issue or law but speak and act as if they are authorities on the subject, and in some cases spreading false information. My personal feeling is that these folks have often hurt their cause more than they've assisted.

Now as I write this blog my own curtain of awareness is pulled back a little and I am beginning to understand perhaps the need for me to be more sympathetic and understanding and supportive of my fellow people with disabilities. In fact I must confess I am not a great speaker particularly in public and would rather have other folks carry the ball. I must allow those without the experience that I have, and those whohave more significant disabilities then I have, particularly in the area of communication and appearance and support these folks to get the experience they need to become more polished and confident. Everyone needs a chance I know this. I have had these chances and opportunities and which is allowed me to grow me over the years. It is now my turn to assist those coming along to have the same opportunity to grow.

Seems Like The Right Thing To Do

Yesterday I attended a DRAC meeting. You will recall that DRAC stands for Disabled Rights Action Committee. Select rights. We are and private nonprofit organization whose purpose is to advocate and assist in the preparation of legislation, ordinances, guidelines and other illegal practices that assist people with disabilities to live as independently as possible. And you heard me right I used the personal pronoun “patients we”. Yes it looks like I have been welcomed back to the fold even if I am not quite sure being welcomed back is what I want. I have attended these meetings now mostly at the arm-twisting of a friend of mine, Richard Lodemill. Lodemill is a senior citizen from Montana who somehow has adopted the state of Utah as his focal point for doing good. I've known Dick for possibly 20 years now and must respect him as the genuine real deal. I am not sure Richard is really on payroll of any of the private nonprofit organizations that he seems to work out of. I'm sure he is to some degree working under a contract of one sort or another. However, he takes his work more as a calling from the Almighty than as a profession/job. I went to the meeting pretty much to please Dick and quite frankly to get them off my back.

I have always kept a certain distance from DRAC when I was working. There was a time where I was closely involved with the organization because it had the same goals that I pretty much did. To bring a better life to people with disabilities along the Wasatch front as well as the state of Utah. And to be brutally honest time I spent with organizations such as DRAC was time I got paid for. I've often wondered over the years would I have been involved with these people had not I've been paid to do so. Sadly I think I don't think I would have.

DRAC uses the Gandhi nonviolent approach to change. However when they must they will use direct action which means advocating directly for their needs i.e. protesting, taking over property and general striking to bring about their goals. Over the years I've been part of their actions, I've never been arrested I have come close but not arrested as many of their participants have. DRAC is part of a national organization which does direct action on the national level usually in Washington DC couple times a year. I've been involved were maybe in one action over my career whereas other DRAC members have been involved and get involved year-round nationally as well as locally. These folks are heroes kind of.

I said that I kept a distance over my professional career and that was because even though I believe in the cause I sometimes worry that the participants don't fully understand the issues are there trying to please some external force. I had some time will go further to explain what I mean but suffice it to say now that I am no longer affiliated with any state or nonprofit entity I can be involved with DRAC to whatever level I desire.

I met with DRAC again today to do a presentation at Senior living facility over in the north end it was a challenge to get there. I was late by half an hour but the DRAC people made room for me to let me make a small presentation. Tomorrow is another presentation over on the northeast side. This should be much easier to get to and I look forward to going. I don't know what I'm doing with DRAC or how long I will do it but for now working with DRAC seems like the right thing to do.

Out Of Order

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I think human nature is so funny. An issue takes so little to get something going but once the issue becomes grounded it's almost impossible to dismantle. These issues are kind like viruses. Like most people I try to wash my clothes at least once a week. And once again, I am so fortunate to have laundry facilities right here in the apartment complex I live. We have a great front loader in the laundry on my floor plus we have three dryers. The dryers or front loaders as well but it's a little difficult, for me to get my hand in the door mechanism to open the door. I end up using one of my books to wedge into the handle and pry it out. I must be careful that I don't damage the door but this method works most the time. Last Friday I washed a batch of clothes for the weekend and as I came in the laundry Irene, who is one of the residents here, was just leaving and warned me that dryer number three didn't work. I reknit even placed a “Out of order” sign on the machine. I really did not think much of the problem thinking it was pretty normal and sure will be fixed soon. I can now issues dryer number two which is sandwiched in between the two other dryers. Number two is not as convenient as three but I can get by expressive is just one wash.

Today I did wander my usual wash for this week which is a full load. I wandered down to the laundry early about 7:30 AM to try to get a jump on the day since the days going to be busy. I noticed the sign was still on dryer number three and thought wow that's really weird for them to go that long before fixing the machine. I started my wash went back to my room then I returned about 45 minutes later and staff were now in the manager's office having their coffee. I had my quarters in my fabric softener sheet on my lap and and thought “you know a better ask them when they're going to get number three fixed” and I did. Jennifer, the manager, seems surprised that the machine was broken. I told her the outer order signed a bill on their almost a week. I also told her that Irene had put the sign on. Jennifer told me that could be the issue. Irene sometimes gets a little befuddled. Jennifer said one of the apartment residents talk to her last night and said that should use the dryer and it worked fine.

I told Jennifer that would take the risk and use number three and see if it works. Worst-case scenario Jennifer will be $.75. I went in put my quarters in the slots, stuffed by close in the dryer, slammed the door slid the quarters and to the machine, the green light came on I pushed the button and off we went. The dryer seemed to be working like a champ. Obviously Irene messed up – – or perhaps more to the point I messed up and just let this system run its course not challenging the out of order sign. I am not the only one obviously that saw the sign and continued on. The machine sat idle for almost a week but now is in use. I'll take the signoff and that would be that by his wonder how many other issues in my life are similar I just take the sign at face value and go from theretoday I have my visual today I had my usual watch for this week.

Book Club

Today I met with my old boss Claire, over at the DD Council. I was responding to a call or email I can't remember which that I got last week from Claire indicated she want to meet with me on a project that we had spoken about a number of months ago. I've been having a hard time getting back with her not because she wasn't available or because I didn't have the time it was us trying to figure out how to do it in my own head. A good friend of mine who also worked at the Council recently retired. This retirement in and of itself is not a big deal he's getting up there in age, to second career he's done real well at it but there seems to be some tension as to why and how he left the office. Not that I'm in the middle of the whole situation and I'm not but sort of good and somehow feel that I am. I don't want to take sides, I don't think I have to take sides but still I don't know how I can remain in the middle. And I do not intend to remain in the middle I intend to go on. Both of these people have I don't believe there communicating real well with each other right now but there's nothing I can do on that level except be there as friends do.

It's Tuesday and every Tuesday I have that Assist meeting , I called this morning on Dave informed me that there be no meeting today. It's the end of the year, fiscal year, and the just is no money to help people out until the new fiscal year starts in July. That's okay because I intended to go downtown anyway. I'm going to the library to get my next audiobook. Sense, now I had a lot more time on my hands I figured I would stop and visit with Claire and find out what she needed from me. Finally, some beautiful weather for traveling. I got downtown and I got to the old office and there was Claire working with one of the employees over his projects. We caught up we talked easy and finally got to what Claire had in mind. Claire is doing a new project with kids with developmental disabilities. They have a book club going on. She has book clubs all over the Salt Lake area. There is a moderator of each book club who saw really doubt on reading. The concept is to have all members of the bookclub read. Keep in mind that these folks are developmentally disabled and are all challenged at some level with their reading ability. So, we sit in a circle and read. The reading never hurts, it never hurts to read but more importantly it's time spent together in a social setting doing something positive that many this folks probably would not have access to work not for this project. Claire knows I love to read and she also knows that I get along pretty well with this population. So she's asking me to become part of a reading group. Meets on Thursdays from 4 to 5 and best of all the meeting place is a library just down the street from where I live, well in all 10 or 12 blocks in West Jordan. And the west Jordan library is on Redwoodroad and Redwood road goes right past my building in fact there is a bus stop right outside my apartment. This seems to be a perfect project for me to do some good and still be able to get there and back again without issue. I can't believe how lucky I am..

There's no way I can say no to Claire, she played such an integral part in how I left state service, and more importantly how I entered into retirement. She really went to the mats to make sure I got as much benefits as possible and really saved our bacon, when Dianne and I were still married. Claire has been my guardian angel and I have to do whatever she says there's no way I can repay what I owe her. I was meeting with my group this coming Thursday. I have an earlier meeting that I must make an event rush over to the library by four. I can do this.

Lucky Dime Lucky Me

I'm feeling pretty good about myself today. I finished my first draft of my first summer writing project. I'm not kidding myself I have a long way to go for even close to finished product but I got it out almost 4000 words which is pretty good for me. 4000 words which I plan to save in 14 as opposed to 12 and then double space for give me about at eight page document. I'd like to say it's a short story but it really is not a short story it's a first chapter of the possible book that I have been promising myself to write for perhaps 50 years. The story is the account of my spinal cord injury over 50 years ago this July. I've taken stabs at writing the account before but I've never gotten this far. Have an opening a middle and an end. I'm not that comfortable with the end of the short story but at least I have something with which to the work. I'm going to let the piece set for a day then I will begin editing. I don't plan to have a polished piece by 1 June when were supposed to meet but I will have something.

Historically I hate to edit. I get all confused and messed up. Actually, I've never really edited with the word processor. Editing hard copy has really been challenging for me over the years solving interested to see how wordprocessor editing goes. I think the speech to text space really may have made the difference in getting the document out the first place. The machine writes nearly as fast as I can dictate. I get the thoughts out without having to wrestle my hands to the keyboard and hammer out the words. I think ,I speak and bam , there they are.

What are the highlights of the place where I left this out across the street is a coffee shop. It's not a trendy shop or even classy but a small hole in the wall, burlap bags of coffee waiting to be roasted pile all around the room with mixed matched furniture with a flatscreen always on to some news channel in the great order of roast coffee. It's not like I go over there every day in fact they are closed the one really only day I would go over what to be Sunday morning. However I do go over to get my coffee. I usually order anywhere from one half to a full pound of Italian roast. Used to get it whole beans but now I have them grind the beans. I still have my coffee mill in case I really have a hankering to grind something up but now I just like coffee in the morning. I also got coffee Saturday but figured I could make it through to Monday but today I went over and got half a pound to last me a week and a half maybe two. The coffee cost me five bucks and I was happy with that. I paid and started to leave but was called back by one of the young baristas. He indicated he had something for me and brought over a dime. He settles in 1963 silver dime for the last made. He said I should hold onto it that is worth money, maybe two dollars maybe three. He said I used it to pay for my coffee last month and he noticed after I left it was a silver dime and you want to give it back the next time I was in which was today. I was blown away and appreciative. Now I have to find a place to keep the dime so I don't lose it or spend it.

It's a good day. I finished the first leg of the project and got myself a lucky dime.

Board Meeting

I'm fortunate to serve on a number of boards in the city and County of the Salt Lake area. I have to admit initially when I would serve on boards the service was usually in tandem with my career. To some degree, this makes only sense by serving on boards Which meets the criteria of my work plans. Not that I lived my whole worklife Machiavellian but there is some sense to the idea that if I'm housing coordinator it seems that I would best be served by serving on a Board of Directors that deal with housing and I did. For me this was doubly fortunate because I was able to deduct hours spent on these board meetings when they were held during hours which were not work. Many of the boards I served on were held over lunch and some were held in the evenings. I was able to deduct our for our when serving on my own time. I have always been surprised But how impressed folks were of my community service.

As I indicated many of the boards I served on were held over lunch hours. Many times when this happened the provider would also provide lunches for the people serving. Over the 30 years of my service many of those lunches were hot and extremely tasty. As the years in the budgets waned the hot lunches and protein rich lunches waned as well. Of those boards that still provided a meal to meal usually consisted of cold cuts and salads. In defense of these managers I must say the cold cuts were extreme high quality meets. Corn beef, roast beef, turkey, chicken, ham and a large selection of cheeses and a beautiful salad with all kinds of fixings. We made our own sandwiches as he went down the line picking the ingredients off the table in front of us. Often I would forgo the bread and just load my plate with meets and cheeses. Again there were managers who felt self-conscious with cold cuts so I offered to the bars, and taco bars again do it yourself meals. It's all good. The comp time and the meals were small consolation for service. I was lucky to get them I don't think I appreciated them as much as when I left state service.

The boards I now serve on a server on my own time which means them there because I want to be there or they want me there. I love having the ability to serve. I love having a place to go in the place to be and I love the small or big recognition I get when I show up to one of these meetings. Last week the meeting was the Utah Non-Profit Housing Corporate. I have served on this board maybe 20 years. They do not provide a meal but they do provide snacks, candy's and usually taco chips and dips. They meet in the afternoon, late in the afternoon often going past 5 o'clock. We used to meet monthly but now we meet maybe three times a year. We provide affordable to low income housing mainly to seniors and people with disabilities. I am living in one of his units and I'm thankful. Machiavellian or not I'm glad I served on this particular board is saved my bacon. It's a little bit different now that I no longer represent an agency. No one is really said anything about my position on the board because even if I am not an agency member I still need to criteria of the population served that being a senior in a person to disability. I believe I still hold in the value to the organization. Now there is also the added value of being an “inside person”. I'm often asked questions at a meeting about what is happening for a live. I'm not really a spy but I would have no qualms If asked to work undercover. I'm just glad to still have value.

Living Traditions

Finally, looks like the sun is coming up stay for a while maybe even warm-up the city a little bit which would be just great as far as I'm concerned. I'm sleepy today I stayed up late last night when I was just about ready to hit the sack friend texted me on Facebook which led to a conversation that went to about 12 o'clock. I think it's amazing, things you can get into it night especially when you're not prepared for it. Still the encounter was fun. However, today I am paying the consequences.

I checked my mail this morning. Spent a couple days and I was pleased to find a copy of the Disc from, Tantor Books Pushing Ice disc eight to replace the disc I lost somewhere in the apartment. I'm sure any day now that disc is going to show up. But anyway, I got the replacement disk and now I'm going to head down to the library to drop it off before anything else goes wrong. Not that I was planning to but I'm also going to stop off at Living Traditions, a fair downtown at the city/County building. Years ago in another life in another job I used to have to go to Living Traditions and have a table there to give away information highlighting the agency I worked with. Living Traditions is a festival highlighting different cultures living in Salt Lake County or maybe even Utah but it's also a platform where private nonprofit organizations in the city and state can provide information as well as raise money for their organization. Over the years with given out water on a rainy days and had a fairly successful cotton candy operation. Truth be told, we never made any money at Living Traditions and finally we stopped going altogether when so few people stopped at the table we figured it was not worth the energy we put into the operation. Now however 10 or 20 years later I am looking forward to rolling through the events with a bizarre fondness.

I have written about Lori Brock before. She has been a compatriot of mine for the past 30 years. She is a true artist, writer and actor. I've written about her before in this blog so looked up. Had coffee with Lori yesterday and it was a good event but what I appreciated was her encouragement of me to write. She was able to frame me in such a way that I could see myself as a writer which amazes me. She left me with a desire to write by encouraging me to talk about my inability to write, lack of enthusiasm to write our lack of self-confidence to write. Somehow, Lori pulled a rabbit out of a hat and pumped me full of enough self-confidence to consider writing something new. Our old writing collective is considering meeting the first week in June to go over new materials. I don't know if it will be able to pull everything together by then – – but it is mandatory if we show up we must have new materials – – I will see what I can do. I'm still excited about such a thing. I have not been there for a very long time.

Service And Then Some

One of the biggest challenges I face on a daily basis is how can I best serve those people around me. I'm so grateful when situation arises where I can be of true service. I'm trying to be patient waiting for this low pressure system to turn itself out of here. It is now haunted the area for three day bringing snow and rain and low temperatures and many clouds. There has not been a great deal of rain at least while I have had to be out on the tarmac. In fact the weather's been cool but not necessarily cold I've enjoyed the time I been out on the street. I have been able to make all my meetings and responsibilities this it has been a good week but I'm really looking forward to better weather and warmer temperatures which should start building tomorrow. I started the day thinking there was only one appointment I had to make today and that would be coffee with a friend of mine latter on this afternoon. However, when I went down today mailroom early this morning and three common room I saw that it was food bank day. The boxes are all stacked up as were the stacks of bread ready for folks from the building to come down and claim their food boxes. I started hanging around the common room on food box day because I found I can help. Many of the seniors have a difficult time lugging their box back to their apartments. I just put the box on my lap and well go with them over to their apartment and drop off the box. A great way to serve!

I've been doing this now for about three months. I started just hanging around food box day and visiting with staff that were there to assist with the boxes are folks who might need help. That's when I found out that I cannot to help as well. I really like gossiping with staff as well as being the occasional assist. I wish there were more these options to be helpful and I think if I just pay attention and make myself available they will come along. And the concept of full disclosure I must admit that I also take advantage of the fact that many of the seniors will go through the box when they get it and take out items they do not necessarily want. This is great for me because it gives me first shot at the sharing shelf. Items like large bottles of juice, boxes of milk and all manners of canned goods go out for consumption and I am a consumer. This morning I got about space 2 gallons orange juice, two boxes of milk, a nice bag of chili without beans a bag of pinto beans, macaroni and cheese and some vegetables. Not a bad haul for just volunteering. Of course I don't volunteer with the mind that I'm going to get free food but it certainly does not hurt.

Seems Wrong

I'm conflicted. I'm not really sure quite how to proceed. I've written before about the Thursday morning coffee social here at the apartment complex. I have to admit I've come to enjoy half an hour to an hour we spend each Thursday morning just socializing. I didn't think I was going to really enjoy this event, I was going just because management wanted me to go so I thought was a good idea. I know it's sort of hosted by the cause I social worker here at the facility but I like her and she is genuine and I want to please her so by participating this is a way of pleasing her I believe. So, it's her coffee social so I go. But wouldn't you know it I've grown to like the other participants quite a bit. I know this is just a click, I've noticed that a lot of folks here do not go nothing is because it is a click. Some reason I got accepted I don't know why the other folks don't participate. Anyway, as always in my life everything seems to change after a bit like this that's the lesson that life is nothing but change.

I don't quite remember but when I first started attending these meetings//socials it was just coffee and talking then they started making a meal out of it not every week but sometimes. Sometimes they actually have a full breakfast once anyway. And it's just not what I joined for custom caught in this eternal weight loss paradigm. So I don't take part in muffins, donuts I may snag a cookie or two if they are available and one of the participants likes to make homemade bread and bring a hot loaf to the meeting and these I will take one piece though I feel like I'm shooting myself but when I do.But now a new changes happening or at least it seems like to me. There's this guy from an organization/private business called Creekside health care who has been attaching himself to the social often on. Lately he's been actually bringing all the accoutrements for waffles. His programs: waffles for wellness which is kind of a contradictory concept when you think about it. The beginning of the month they announce that this was going to happen and it was going to happen at 10 o'clock on Thursday. Well the social group begins at 930 and usually goes to 1030. It just felt like the guy from Creekside was into loping on the folks here at the apartment complex. So I resorted grousing roundabout private enterprise Taking advantage of the gathering to push their wares on us. Luckily I have been to verbal about the whole thing but still kind of rubs me the wrong way. Then I remembered that when he does come he drags around a nurse who does blood sugars, blood pressures, oxygen mass at no charge except for having my social cut short. I kind of like the idea of giving my blood pressure and stuff taken for your charge without having to go into my healthcare providers office. And I guess I appreciate Creekside for doing this but I also know that Creekside is keeping tabs on everyone in using this whole function of some sort of outreach effort. Which I fully appreciate I was in private nonprofit industry my whole life I know it's got to show up in the monthly reports quarterly reports and year-end reports. I appreciate that. I even like the Creekside guy. He's got a good feeling about him like he really cares.

So I'm conflicted. Is it such a bad deal to offer this service to seniors? They don't seem to mind but then again do they even know any better. And is it such a bad deal that this guy is able to get all these people for his year-end report just because he tags on to the end of our coffee social. Am I cutting my nose off in spite of my face (Am I even saying that cliché correctly?).I don't know just seemed wrong.

Shower Night

Today has been a cloudy and snowy day at least to start off. They actually got a bit tolerable except for last clouds. Yesterday had pretty much resigned myself to the point that was not going to go anywhere today so I was not surprised that I stayed home all day. They get much sleep major wind noise last night in the low front came through. I went to bed late to that didn't help – – I really get into listening to the novels like it no library kind of fun though I have to be stronger about staying up late.

I'm sitting here half naked waiting for my evening staff to show up for my poop and my shower. When I contacted Honey this about what time she would be here she'd notified me that she would not be coming tonight that someone from the agency would be covering her. Sure hope it's the person that came before she really was quite nice but I have to be ready for anyone who comes to the door. I find a new person is kind of an unnerving but we'll have to see where it takes us. We just wish now I had spent more time picking up the apartment all but more. The other night at the market they are having a sale on burger it was basically half-price about a dollar in the half per package. Think about $10 worth of meat one of the packages I left out and I thought I had better cook it and get it processed. So, I made 2 cups of rice and the cook the rice in the microwave with microwave-safe container I got from the sharing shelf. And it really worked I cooked the rise in about 30 minutes and it turned out great. I mixed the rice with the burger and the vegetables that I processed for dinner turned out great. I'm definitely going to use this method of cooking rice in the future. Actually, my former wife Dianne is a prologue cooking rice this way. That's where I learned it from if I learned from anything. She would always cook rice in the microwave I never have. Dianne is great that way she had a lot of great cooking hints.

My night staff just left. The person who covered for Honey is okay. Her son is graduating from high school and she's pretty excited I would be to. It was a little awkward Honey and I work very well together and get a pretty good shower night done quickly. We are quick tonight will be glad when she's back on Friday.

Tuesday Out

Some days are better than others but I have to say by all accounts the day was nearly perfect for a regular day. I was awake at 5:30 AM and is not unusual except I was really get up. The guy who rents upstairs had just finished his morning whatever and flushed the toilet I knew it was time to get up.. Getting up this early and got the dishes done, made some breakfast, took my meds and worked on a couple other projects. Just before 8 o'clock I called Assist, Inc. and found out that today's meeting had been canceled. I have a standing meeting every Tuesday morning at 11 o'clock where we meet to approve grants for housing projects for seniors, people of low income and folks with disabilities.

I had already made my mind up but I'm going downtown today so I figured what the heck. I was going to go early and drop off at the library's latest audiobook I took out last week and pick up a new volume to begin listing to. I can still do that so off I went. The skies were overcast as I left the apartment complex, but the day was warm and still held promise. I didn't take a jacket and I wish that I had by the time the day was over. However, I had a feeling that I was going to be okay today. I got to the library to get my book and checked out my new book. Excited to have something to keep me busy the next couple days. I'm really getting in to this audiobook thing.

Earlier in the morning I had texted my friend Duane. With scheduled to have breakfast tomorrow, Wednesday morning but with a forecast of a major cold front moving into the Salt Lake area tonight I asked him if perhaps it would be better to do lunch today instead of tomorrow morning breakfast. He finally got back to me while I was at the library indicating he was up to do lunch 11 AM at one of the major hotels downtown which was great with me it'd been decades since I've gone to Little America in Salt Lake City.

By 10:30 AM the day was still sort of warm but the clouds were organizing, getting darker and threatening. I facing the window and during lunch I noticed two major storms wander through the Salt Lake City area. We talked a long time and finally finished our coffees and one otherwise. There were breaks in the clouds and sunshine filtered through and it seemed like I was always in the dry section. I made all my trains and finally got to the hospital at Murray Central about 5200 S.) by the hospital. The clouds were dark and menacing in the mist was falling. I was feeling that I needed to use the bathroom and I didn't want to get stuck on a bus trip with a full bladder threatening to escape so I drove my chair up to the hospital and went up to the 12^th floor. A major squall had moved over the area clouds were very dark and like all hell was ready to blow. From the four weeks or five weeks I spent on the 12^th floor I knew that was a great place to watch storms so I figured the pope or be a great place to watch the storms. When I saw a break I would elevator down run out and catch the bus out of Salt Lake over the Taylorsville. This I did I GOT HOME dry and happy for a day out in the book to read for the next two days of cold weather. What a great Tuesday.

I Feel Lucky

It's Monday and I feel lucky. Not lucky and something greats going to happen but more lucky in that everything great has happened to me, more or less, so far and I need to just acknowledge that I'm grateful. I literally rolled in the bed at night. I'm able to lower my bed to about 6 inches below my power chair and then with an arm hooked into my trapeze lift up my back side and then plummet onto the bed. I'm doubly blessed then I sleep through the night more or less a begin waking about 4 ½ hours after I tumble into bed. Then I get out of bed. Once again, I raise my bed – – the electric bed – – to about 4 inches are 6 inches above my power chair swing my feet and my foot rests then pull myself down onto the chair again letting gravity do most of the work. Once I'm in the chair I'm just partially in that I have to power my chair to lean the whole seating system back and then at a certain point I deploy the back of my chair which leads me back further allowing gravity to allow me to pull myself and push myself more straight in my chair. Seriously, this technology is what makes me independent. I would like to think I could be independent without all this technology but something in the back of my mind says no. There was a time when I could do this in my manual chair no problem at that time is long gone. So, I am one lucky taco.

It's Monday and I feel lucky. I just finished my wash for the first part of the week. I watched a close twice a week usually. If I don't have anything better to do on Monday. And then on Friday or Saturday depending on what's going on over the weekend. Just in case I'm lucky enough to go out and do something with other humanoids want to be looking somewhat appropriate. I'm lucky because I can load the money onto the change slots on the machines and then press them.Usually, the money thing does not come back on its own and I have to use a hook to pull back on the change slots which basically starts the washer and dryer. I am fortunate that I still have a number of sticks and manufactured over the years which allow me to do this facet of my home independence. I felt this way especially this morning as I happen to enter the laundry just as my dryer was patient cycle. I used the hook rubber tipped end to open the door of the dryer. My fingers are not firm enough to open the doors. I hope the end of the hook in the slot where fingers usually go and angle the hook so it pries the door open. I have to be careful here because I have torn a whole door mechanism off before. They were good to me and I appreciated that they did not charge me anything for the destruction to the property. I felt bad more of my destructive nature. Luckily both washer and dryer front loaders I can pull the wash and dry right out.I pile the warm mess on top of my lap and take the whole wash back to my apartment to begin the folding and hanging process.

It's Monday and I feel lucky and blessed to have this chore out of my way. I still have clothes to hang But that's okay maybe it will do it tonight. Right now I have to finish my rickshaw routine and then I'm on hand bike for an hour. I still might make a salad for dinner I have to use the salad materials before they all go bad.

It's Monday and I feel lucky I have my staff coming in tonight to give me a bath in the first proof of the week how much more lucky can one get?.

Mothers Day

It's Mother's Day, another quiet day for me. All the moms I know connected to me are gone, that I know of. I may have a mother who actually birthed me, whom I've never known, she may still be alive because I kind of suspicion that She was quite young when I was born. So she was even 30 when I was born she could conceivably still be alive but more likely she was in her 20s if not younger which could greatly increase the probability that she is still alive. Either way it doesn't make much difference I doubt if I will ever know who she is.

Fortunately for me the mom I got was a great mom, I could not have wanted more. Granted she certainly had her idiosyncrasies that she was always there she was always a mom to me. I was fortunate in that I was able to spend a significant amount of time with her in her waning years. Time that I was able to have that no one else shared. She died a number of years ago. Only lately that I really began to miss her. It's just little ways like a number times throughout the day I will think to myself I should talk to mom or I should tell mom about this and then realize that she's gone. It's really kind of strange. But this is what is happening.

So today, I just spent hanging around the apartment complex. I was the number of the seniors here happy Mother's Day. Some of the seniors had family come to collect them taken the breakfast, church services for lunch and that's cool. I took off to explore the area of where I live. There's a great park adjacent to my building and I went on the sidewalks all around the park. I really had a treat at the back end of the park where a canal runs through when I came across a couple family of duck. There were eight ducks in each of the family groups swimming in this little canal. I watched them for some time. One group of ducks were significantly older than the other group they were just women to beat the band. I think I spent an hour watching the.families swim away the afternoon. Then on a hunch I took off and went across the street to the Village Inn and got pie for dinner.

It was pretty late in the afternoon, I had pretty much missed the mom action of the day. Of course there are still a couple mother day celebration going on. These are probably shift moms, moms who had to work morning shift but now had the afternoon open. Hope they enjoyed the time with the families they were with. I got two pieces of pie, don't know why maybe is trying to fool the guy at the till making think I was getting a pie for my mom and me. Hell, trying to kid? Is trying to fool me making believe I was going home to have pie with my mom. Happy Mother's Day.

I ran across these ducks swimming in the canal next to my apartment complex in the park. Two moms out with their kids for a swim a special day.

Full Circle

It's mail carrier food drive time. I was really quite surprised earlier this week when I went to check my mail and found a blue plastic bag. The bag of course is for the local mail carrier food drive a pretty cool system where bags are delivered earlier in the week and then on a specified date later in the week mail carriers come around and pick up the food as well as the mail. I of course have seen this done in the neighborhood I used to live in where it was accomplished either by mail carriers are the local Boy Scout troop. However I thought it was kind of weird it happening at a senior living apartment complex. I don't know why I think that's weird just this to me. Talk about cycle. These are the same folks who are on the receiving end of these canned goods every week during food bank day. Food bank in our facilities isc on Saturdays.

I personally don't use food bank as everybody else does. I think I'm in the wrong income bracket which I really need to explore more fully maybe I do qualify for food bank. It doesn't really matter sense I get access to most of the materials one way or the other since they all seem the end up on the sharing shelf sooner or later. I quite frankly have been impressed with the amount of food that's available through the food bank program. It's quite good stuff if you like to cook. You certainly don't get the trendy meals and can/box that seem to be out there for high-end users but for basics vegetables, fruit, canned meats food bank is great! I particularly love the plastic jugs of fruit juice I really enjoy the tomato juice and the grape juice. I have seen Apple juice come through and of fruit juice cocktail but the fruit juice cocktails mainly sugars and a little fruit so I'm not much into that but the other juices I sure enjoy plus there's boxes of milk real milk not not dry milk but to be sure there's lots of dry milk which end up on the sharing shelf too. I've certainly pilfered couple bags that in case I ever need dry milk.

I took my bag went back to my apartment and then the other day and my staff was here she and I filled the bag with cans of food. I threw in the regular stuff that I think everyone else does a can spinach, can read beans, five of six cans of tuna, were part of a case that we got as a couple that I got half of what we split up, that I will never eat because The tuna is a poorer quality of tuna fish, which I will eat if I need to. A person can hide a great deal of poor flavor with enough onions and pickles. However I also threw in a couple of cans of food I really like like, a large can of Dinty Moore Stew, a can of spam and a can of tamales . These are all items I would like to get if I were to get a food box or if I needed to get a food box. I did not read the instructions on the bag before the cans Asked the neighbor how the food was to be picked up and she informed me that I was to leave my bag down at the mailbox in the postal workers would pick it up around 9:30 AM. So I roll down there right after breakfast and was met with this role of little blue bags. Kind of funny all this food goes to the Utah Food Bank Which will show up at our local food bank in a couple weeks or months. It really is true, life is a circle.

Food Glorious Food

I miss food and I miss a time in my life when I could eat anything that I wanted. I really could eat anything I wanted and not worry about gaining weight even one as an adolescent and had to watch my weight during wrestling season. Now I'm old and fat and losing weight is a struggle. This weight thing is not vanity either. I have really found that the skin on my butt fares better when I'm losing weight or when I am below a certain weight. Not only does my rear end feel better but I can transfer in and out of bed better and dressed myself easier. There are a host of reasons for me to lose weight but I'm having a dickens of a time doing it..

I hate being hungry. I hate having the ability not to be hungry but yet be hungry i.e. dieting. I was doing pretty good there for a while. I don't know if it was Dianne's influence Not only verbal support but making meals like salads that really assisted in losing the pounds. Now that she is not in my life anymore from having to do the weight loss on my own and was just going really slow and I'm hungry all the time. I go to the market, I go to restaurants I can afford real food but I don't dare eat any because it really will affect my weight. I like to believe I'm just at a plateau that I'll lose more weight eventually but I don't think that's really true. I have to probably really get back into training mode and then stay there. Stay there does that mean I have to be honest food ration existence for the rest of my life? Is that a quality-of-life? Really is there more to life than eating – – my great neighbor Al who passed couple years ago used to always keep me by saying do you live to eat or do you eat to live? Sadly, I believe I am the former. Many times during the day and all I think about is what the next meal will be. Even my mom my bike exercising it's like what can I make for dinner before my staff gets here? Then it's what can I make for a snack once my staff leaves because when she leaves I am famished.

1800 calories a day that is what the nutritionist On the rehab floor when I was at the hospital put me on. 1800 calories is really quite a bit of food. I don't think I can lose weight on 1800 calories are 600 calories a meal. I think I hover around 1800 a day. I have been a bit slothful the last couple of weeks. Couple days ago I had a piece of pizza, one piece. Earlier this week I had a deep-fried meat burrito from taco time it was delicious. Today I had a 6 inch cheese and meat subway sandwich and then I had an ice cream bar. I know I'm sabotaging myself. But I can't stand it otherwise. You have to eat. They have to do more than exist.

Tonight I'm going to have some grapes perhaps cottage cheese and some yogurt. That's probably going to be about it… So crackers to. But I've probably done it I probably got over my 1800. When Honey weighed me tonight I was at 98.9 kg. That's not good but the bright side is it's not 99 kg. And now Honey will be gone for two days I will not weigh again to Monday I can starve myself senseless until then but for what? Well I got that out my system now thanks for listening

Routine

I hate to think of myself as being regimented but the comment was made the other day that kind of made me wonder. I was at a meeting or something or lunch when I mentioned to the person I was with that I needed to get home so I could begin my workout regimen. Every day I worked out between 4 and 5 PM usually in that seems to work real well for me. It's not that I'm totally regimented it's more to the fact that I'm addicted to a particular radio show on NPR. It's Marketplace. It's broadcast here in Utah at 6:30 PM but I have found using the Internet that Marketplace, the same program, is broadcast at 630 in New York City by WNYC. So, Marketplace is available to me at 4:30 PM my time. Now on top of that consider that I tried to work out on my Saratoga silver hand bike every day except Sunday. For the longest time I would work out for 30 minutes which I would listen to Marketplace as I worked out. Then I increased my amount of time the 45 minutes which is beyond the time that marketplace is broadcast so now I start my procedure at 4 PM and I usually finish at 5 PM with the end of marketplace. Somewhere along that time, every other day I also use my rickshaw to lift weight or press weight for my biceps. I like to do as much of it during this timeframe as possible. So, I'm hustling during the day to get what I'm doing done to get home to do my workouts. There been times when I just could not meet this timeline and I've done my weight presses or hand bike later on in the evening.

I have one meeting during the week which is Assist, Inc., then there is the Thursday morning coffee group. These meetings are consistent in the try to make them every week that I can I don't think I'm pathological about meeting. It's just that if I'm part of a group like to be part of a group.and do things with that group. I can let go but I need to.

So, I'm okay I think. I don't believe I'm focused the excess. I like to do my workouts the same time everyday the world will not collapse if I do not meet these times. However, I will work to meet these times. I probably would like a little bit more regimentation in my life. I know my apartment would like that as far as cleaning goes as far as washing close goals and making my bed but right now I'm just happy to be on my crank bike every day at 4 o'clock pumping away and do in my heart a world of good.

Bleeder

Hemorrhoids are a pain in the butt there I said it. I don't know how typical I am as a person with a disability because it's something that's not generally shared at least I have not heard very much of people having mega bleeding episodes with their hemorrhoids. I know one person who is a quadriplegic and has had some hemorrhoid issues over the years but she was my boss and we never really got into it too much. But she still around and I think she's a higher quad than I am. My hemorrhoid bleeding is somewhat episodic. They tend to get worse than they get better. It seems like it's been eight or nine months maybe longer since I've had a lead like I've experienced last two days.

I suffered deeply from superstitious behavior. The something happens and I'm doing something else I often tie the two together whether they'd need to be tied together or not. A year ago or so and maybe two years now I was doing a regimen of testosterone therapy. I get a shot of testosterone every two weeks. It was at the same time that I was having some bleeding and what I seem to see our sense was that the bleeding would cease after a shot of testosterone. I don't know if one is related to the other but it felt like it was and that's all I needed to believe. I really have not done any testosterone maintenance since before we split up. Dianne was who administered my shots. She was great. I have a couple vials of testosterone now but I don't think I have any of the testosterone needles and syringes and syringes. Honey my home health person indicates that she is checked out on administering intramuscular injections. I'm almost willing to give it a shot (forgive the pun). I need to increase my steak intake or worse liver to increase my iron level. I know the last time I went through about a severe bleeding was the same time I had my levels checked in my levels indicated by iron count was way down so I actually had to go on their honor iron therapy which is kind of weird. There is also the issue of purchasing the testosterone it was just really hard to do to get it in the bottles that I needed it was just a hassle all the way around but I guess if I have to do testosterone to slow the hemorrhoid action maybe I do.

The never stops but always seemed like something is happening to me. I certainly don't want to become histrionic and have my whole world revolve around what is happening to me sometimes I wonder if I'm getting ready to check out. Sometimes I wonder if my whole system is beginning to shut down I hope not. I love the spring and I love the summer. Not really go yet but who is? Given the option to stick around forever but I'm selfish that way. I'm not in the do not want to go gently into the night.

Flash Back

Tuesday: standing appointment at Assist, Inc. downtown Salt Lake right across the street from the Salt Lake Public Library. I was going to drag in my latest book that I had borrowed from the library last Tuesday but am totally frustrated because I cannot find one of the CD-ROMs of the volume. I have looked everywhere, I've had to people look everywhere it's not here anywhere. I'm not sure quite what to do. Mark Anthony suggested that I purchase a whole new volume and just replace it. I called the library itself and asked them and Library staff said the same thing but be sure to let them know so that one they can replace it in their computer system into that they don't charge me for the lost item. Still I need another volume to read/listen to now and I began this new phase of acquiring literary content By having the document read to me. The last volume I read Pushing Ice By Alastair Reynolds was so good I want to read another volume of his. I have 30 minutes And I knew it wouldn't take me very long to check out the new book so I wandered through the atrium for a few minutes stopping for a significant amount of time at the art gallery. I was struck by this one piece of art which took me back 52 years.I must've been about 12 years old.I lived on a.farm south Of Boise, Idaho. The farm was small just 17 acres in the whole area was changing. The farm community was beginning to be cut up by homes, urbanites building on farm ground. Just to the west of our property space for three homes. That summer one home and then rented to a family to had a daughter about 17 years old. The family had moved into the house just after the Christmas holidays and we had never really gotten to know them except see that kids come and go. They're a big kids kids in high school the 17-year-old daughter and her brother who must've been around 15. They did not go to the high schools that we went to probably because they want to finish out the year in school they started. Now however it was summer. It was June and already the days were hot. I soon noticed that she would lay out every afternoon in her front yard. But the front yard was actually two fields from our back door.

I had a treehouse at that time. The treehouse was above the garage or parking shed. The treehouse was large enough to sleep two or three adolescents. Was in the treehouse one day that I noticed her coming out of her home in just bikini with a blanket to lay down on the yard and begin tanning. 12 or 13 years of age I was your typical hormone deranged adolescent and all I want to do was get a better view of this neighbor particularly when she took her top off the better tan. My father had inherited a 3040 Krag rifle– – It was actually a sniper rifle and came with a scope. I actually went up into the attic and secretly took the rifle down and drag it up the tree spent afternoon after afternoon pointing the deadly weapon at the neighbor sunbathing. It still is a fun memory of my adolescence.

I saw this painting at the library and instantly I was back in my treehouse praying for my neighbor to set up in her yard. Had I felt I had the extra cash I would've paid the hundred or so dollars the painting advertised. I miss my childhood I miss my adolescence. Thoughts of those days make me feel like a Bruce Springsteen melody.

All TheDifference In Thought World

I really did want to but I figured what the hell else was I going to do for Monday. I figured I better saddle up and heading to town and exchange the T-shirts about last Friday. This is of course meant another trip to Sears but sense I was not going to stop at the defunct art school I figured I'd just zoom in and zoom out and be cool.

The Sears I like to frequent space is an older building reflective of the heyday of Sears, back when they had a major toy room in the basement around the holidays. They also had a snack bar, and a candy bar which I remember most of having roast nuts. I think they had popcorn to you could smell these aromas all over the store. Now the building looks tired there's two Mexican fast food trucks in its parking lot on State Street. They're homeless folks that tend to frequent the east side of the building I don't know why perhaps is warmer in the morning sun. Sometimes it's a little spooky going inside but the people have never stopped me from going inside.

I have never really returned clothes o hardly anything for that matter. I guess it's a natural thing most everybody does it – – they woulld be stupid not to– – but returning something I purchased is something I don't feel natural doing. Seems like I am not be appreciative of their merchandise. But I was not going it stuck with T-shirts. So I rolled in and was greeted by this older friendly looking guy and seemed perfectly okay when I told him money and return these items. He took my clothes, I began to explain why I didn't want them, then I can see he didn't care this was just a job, his job and he was doing it. It had been checked and and actually took my debit card and return the money it spent on the death card which I thought was pretty cool then said he would get a hold and would help me find some

clothes which would fit. I waited for five or 10 minutes nobody showed up and started rolling around the store space I was going to look for myself. I saw this old lady folding clothes. I said “Ann”. The guy to check me out said “Ann”Would be around to help me. So I took a shot “Ann”Her perfectly,coiffured Silver gray hair popped up “yes? “She said. I explained to her what I needed and she took my arm and start pulling me towards the T-shirt pile. I was amazed. We spent the next 15 minutes looking at different shirts what was great was Ann had this way Of digging through the stack finding a shirt coming over and hold it up to me. It was great told me how I looked in different colors, told me how I look good and she was pretty reassuring to the whole procedure. It was more than just salesmanship it was truly service. They had double X sizes and triple sizes. Ann was great she advised if you to guess between two sizes to always go with the larger. This always easier to wear larger size than a smaller size. She even had been polled the triple X size over the shirt I was wearing and it felt like the shirt that..

I went into the store to return $36 worth of shirts and I left with $56 worth of shirts or something like that. Ann up SOLD me. I left the store with four shirts feeling good about myself and what I think I will look like in the new shirts. But I'm going to go back I asked Ann what her hours were. Need to get some shorts now and then ago and she's working and I might even ask our call her before I go and have her pull some items to look at. Talk about civilize this is the way to do it. I became overwhelmed and exhausted just trying to dig through the clothes but if you have somebody else doing the digging and who knows what they're doing it makes all the difference in the world

Pushing Ice Lost

I just finished another novel on audiobook. The volume Pushing Ice by Alastair Reynolds.. This was a pretty good listen/read and is able to finish the volume in one week now the only problem I'm having is somewhere along the line I lost one complete CD-ROM! Unbelievable, why does this happen to me? I've looked everywhere in the area that I had the CD-ROM last as I remember and it doesn't seem to be anywhere. Luckily I had the volume checked out till 22 May and chances are I to check out another two weeks on top of that if I need to. I'm hoping that the thing pops up. Mark Anthony was over this afternoon and I had him help me search for the disc but to no avail is not around here anywhere. Seriously though I cannot believe this happened I was taking extreme steps to make sure that this did not happen. I would return each CD-ROM when finished to the book packet and the one time that I did not the thing disappeared this can't be real.

Mark Anthony suggested that I go on the Internet in order and new volume which it cost about $35-$40. Mark indicates that if I go to the library and tell them what happened they just flat out charge me $40 so I can't figure out which is the worst in situations. But really drives me crazy is that I'm sure that the minute I order a new copy our whacked at the library The void will regurgitate the missing disc.I cannot be the only person who uses audiobooks two of lost or destroyed a CD-ROM. There's got to be some sort contingency for this kind of issue. If I take Marks suggestion purchase the volume and then replace the one CD-ROM that is missing that leaves me with a whole volume with a missing piece. I suppose the missing ROM is not that big a deal to the overall complexity of the work or maybe I purchased the volume and just donate the whole thing over to the library and call it good. Either way I'm going to call them tomorrow morning to see what they say.