Food Glorious Food

I miss food and I miss a time in my life when I could eat anything that I wanted. I really could eat anything I wanted and not worry about gaining weight even one as an adolescent and had to watch my weight during wrestling season. Now I'm old and fat and losing weight is a struggle. This weight thing is not vanity either. I have really found that the skin on my butt fares better when I'm losing weight or when I am below a certain weight. Not only does my rear end feel better but I can transfer in and out of bed better and dressed myself easier. There are a host of reasons for me to lose weight but I'm having a dickens of a time doing it..

I hate being hungry. I hate having the ability not to be hungry but yet be hungry i.e. dieting. I was doing pretty good there for a while. I don't know if it was Dianne's influence Not only verbal support but making meals like salads that really assisted in losing the pounds. Now that she is not in my life anymore from having to do the weight loss on my own and was just going really slow and I'm hungry all the time. I go to the market, I go to restaurants I can afford real food but I don't dare eat any because it really will affect my weight. I like to believe I'm just at a plateau that I'll lose more weight eventually but I don't think that's really true. I have to probably really get back into training mode and then stay there. Stay there does that mean I have to be honest food ration existence for the rest of my life? Is that a quality-of-life? Really is there more to life than eating – – my great neighbor Al who passed couple years ago used to always keep me by saying do you live to eat or do you eat to live? Sadly, I believe I am the former. Many times during the day and all I think about is what the next meal will be. Even my mom my bike exercising it's like what can I make for dinner before my staff gets here? Then it's what can I make for a snack once my staff leaves because when she leaves I am famished.

1800 calories a day that is what the nutritionist On the rehab floor when I was at the hospital put me on. 1800 calories is really quite a bit of food. I don't think I can lose weight on 1800 calories are 600 calories a meal. I think I hover around 1800 a day. I have been a bit slothful the last couple of weeks. Couple days ago I had a piece of pizza, one piece. Earlier this week I had a deep-fried meat burrito from taco time it was delicious. Today I had a 6 inch cheese and meat subway sandwich and then I had an ice cream bar. I know I'm sabotaging myself. But I can't stand it otherwise. You have to eat. They have to do more than exist.

Tonight I'm going to have some grapes perhaps cottage cheese and some yogurt. That's probably going to be about it… So crackers to. But I've probably done it I probably got over my 1800. When Honey weighed me tonight I was at 98.9 kg. That's not good but the bright side is it's not 99 kg. And now Honey will be gone for two days I will not weigh again to Monday I can starve myself senseless until then but for what? Well I got that out my system now thanks for listening