Hang time. I know y'all
know about hang time to talk about it every year after Christmas. But
that's where I met right now dead center hang time. I should be doing
1 million things that I'm not. I don't know what's happening to me
that this year, this Christmas season my apartment is completely out
of control. I guess last year at this time I still had a cleaning
lady. Cindy hadn't had her heart broken yet and was still dropping in
on my apartment at least once a month to do a clean. I've not found a
replacement person yet sorted because I'm hoping Cindy will come back
and things will continue on as they were but I know that's not going
to be.
I lost control the
apartment this December when I started working on sending out
Christmas cards. I had to dig out the cards themselves as well as a
writing device. On top of that I had to launch into my yearly family
address search. I don't know why I can't seem to keep a file current.
This year to my siblings moved in one changed their address
completely so I had to find three new addresses would seem to take
forever and seem to lead to more disarray on my computer bench which
also doubles as my writing area. During the same period my Christmas
cards from family and friends started arriving and I would open them
up in the same area. Christmas cards In One Part and there are
envelopes (which I like to keep) in another part of the same desk
which after one or two days become somewhat chaotic. Then there is
the trek to the post office to get my Christmas stamps. So now
envelopes and Christmas cards are piled on my computer station. Other
pieces of mail brochures and whatever are massing on the kitchen
table along with items from the market which land there as soon as I
come in the door. Things are piling up I don't know why unless it's
just Christmas. Tonight I was even going to vacuum and I did vacuum a
little and tell something happened in the puff of smoke came out of
the front of the vacuum cleaner and I smelled rubber. I think
something happened and I burned through a belt. I have one left but
I'm going to have to get Mark Anthony or my brother to come over to
my last built on the vacuum drum.
Sometimes I scare myself –
– but you all know that – – and I think “boy, I'm not as
independent a selective think that I am”. In these moments of
clarity I become a little spooked. I wonder how long I can maintain
this illusion of living independently on my own by myself with a
little help from my friends… And family. What a ruse? This morning,
I won't say that I almost didn't, but I know I felt a little spooked
because I had difficulty with my transfer from bed to chair getting
up. I'm feeling pretty good I've only had to call the fire department
one time this year during the summer when I landed in the rocks.
So I'm in the middle of
hang time. My apartment is a mess sometimes I wonder if so is my life
but then I remembered I have 100 bucks and I'm going to the movies
and today I went to the movies. I wrapped the blanket around my leg
so it looked like a real invalid put on my red jacket and stocking
And caught the bus to the movies. Snow was flying when I got out and
I was cold waiting for the bus but happy in my hang time.
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