Resolute

I am resilient that is probably my strongest quality or at least one of my strongest qualities. I have the ability to bounce back which I guess is why I'm here today writing this post.I spent a good part of this day reclaiming my work area or art space. I usually hate this kind of work but today it felt good. Part of the reason I was so focused is that my older brother was supposed to come over this afternoon to help me with my broken drawer. You remember yesterday's post about the drawer I destroyed when cutting off the rear end a corn cob. Doing that number on the corncob broke the drawer a little and then I added some pressure cutting something else up it was all she wrote and drawer crashed the floor.

And the day of the fatal crash in this afternoon I kept looking at the space that destroyed drawer resulted in and I Feeling stronger and stronger that I was to leave the space alone. I could see that I could roll under that area next to the refrigerator minus the drawer and have a solid work area much better than I was using with the drawer. I also saw that with just a little bit of effort I can actually use my kitchen table as an adequate work area. I should've been doing this all on I am such a slow learn. With this in mind I called my brother canceled the visit or at least put it off until tomorrow when he can come over and clean the hardware on the side of the space for the drawer once resided.

I cannot really say I am “half full” kind of guy in fact I don't yesterday morning staff she would say I'm “half empty” kind of guy. I really don't know which I am except I need to survive the immediate situation I might be in any given time and many times is not the best of options. Life is just simpler in the “half-full” universe. I don't cry nearly as much in that universe and I laughed probably more. I live in perpetual hope many times that's all I've got. Whether it's see my bus zoom past just as I get to the bus stop. I know they'll be another bus in 15 minutes – – I can wait 15 minutes I can do that standing on my head :-). Ice cubes on the floor, my floor so sticky ice cubes will help when I mop the puddles of water up. I'm stuck up to my axles in white stone gravel. My neighbors calling the fire department to come yank me out and they do. I bounce back. I broke my neck, paralyzed from the neck down. What a gift! No mission, no Vietnam, college paid for and the vehicle was controls. Not a bad trade-off, quite as severe trade-off I am aware, but I got back I am resilient. It's a gift.

I am beginning to feel my resolute is beginning to fail not too bad right now. But, my moments of doubt are elongating. I have nothing another room not knowing what I'm doing there more and more. Not enough to signal anyone that I'm in trouble – – because I am not I'm just having “senior moments”. We all have those at this stage or so I like to tell myself and convince thyself. I have to convince myself. I didn't even clean my desk when I need to. I can recognize when my household is out of control and entropy is taking over. I can bring some resemblance of order back to my living space right now. I need to vacuum more, file more often that I tend to. I spent all morning filing bills. I don't have destroyed drawer, now I have more accessible and usable kitchen… Now, doesn't that sound much more friendly than “destroyed kitchen”.