Not Dead Yet

Death terrifies me I don't know if I have stated the point  before that succinctly but death  does , I don't mean death itself – – which it does – – but what comes after death but we covered the great divide crossed over to the “the next life”. My fear comes from the whole concept of hell and most specifically the Christian/Mormon concept of hell. There is certain the whole Calvinistic/ capitalistic concept of “one could've done better” but the whole idea that my whole after life is ruined just drives me insane. I could've been so much more about life I could've been so much better but not had as much fun but that's a whole other blog.

I don't know,, for the last 10 to 15 years Dianne has been somewhat encouraging that I start preparing for the “big event”. I really envy Dianne for her pragmatism she has no fear of the “big event”. She has something subprocess that will make sure that her and is exactly the way that she wants to be specifically like a DNR, how she wants to be disposed of etc. For the first time I am beginning to explore some of these concepts and ideas however uncomfortable but tend to be. The more I learn the more I understand how unfair this is to place on the living after I'm dead. I am just amazed at all the things one must consider running up to decorate separation instant and things to consider. I have unleashed considered my demise to the point were actually spoken with a couple of people about where to scatter my ashes. The whole idea cremation was another consideration it took me years to come to any type of conclusion. I just took it for granted I was going to be buried in the ground for time and all eternity. In fact I thought ground burial was a tenant of the Mormon religion. I still never got any real definitive answer as to that but many individuals I hold in high esteem and that religious context have indicated that doesn't make any difference.. Resurrection, if it is going to take place, will take place if God is indeed the director of everything. If God can call the universe out of nothing that being can pull you out of the ether and restore you. Like I said I'm not totally sure about the resurrection but it would not surprise me if it did have something to do with ground burial but even then I'm going to be cremated scattered over the Boise River are the table rock quarry on both. I'm sure I'll have another ashes to cover the scene..

So this mindset I was intrigued the other day when I get on the elevator to visit this buildings l ibrary and there was a document taped to the elevator door indicating there would be a discussion i.e. sales pitch regarding Advanced Directives in the comments room. Actually , the representative from the hospice program which gave the presentation  was doing the basic walk-through of how to fill out paperwork regarding Advanced Directives. This young man actually had a copy of the I'm not (Provider Order For Life Sustaining Treatment) as well as a copy of the Utah Advance Help Care Directive. I chose not to fill out the paperwork at this point in time but I was impressed with the other three participants at the zeal in which they filled out the paperwork and then witnessed each other's signatures of these most important end-of-life documents – it was almost cute is not heartwarming. The presenter was also selling first alert buttons//subscriptions.. You know, those devices you can wear around your neck or your wrist which you can press in emergency and folks will come to your rescue.. They cost about $25 a month. I should at least consider that in lieu of the investors last week.

And not quite ready to fill out my POLST I haven't slept on the idea perhaps is not a bad idea to consider. Mark Anthony is supposed to come over today and maybe I should visit with him about that a little bit.… I'm just not dead yet.