On My Own

I don't know if you can tell that sometimes I am just beside myself at how well am doing, living on my own ,in this apartment, in this part of town in this power chair. I don't talk too much about it for fear jinxing myself but really everything that tits up right now this very second I would feel I've done incredibly good. I wish that all David Riser, my retired physystrist, can see how well I was doing. He would not believe it, Riser barely believed I did what I did when he knowingly and he saw me doing it. But seriously, damn I am doing great, enough said I don't want to jinx.

I was plenty worried but I moved out of the house after the two surgeries, in-house rehabilitation and then outpatient rehabilitation. I really wasn't terrified of living on my own (well kind of I really sat down and thought about so I try not to think about it. I just made my contacts and tried to go to the next step all along the way and not think about what could've happened in just settled on thinking about what is happening. I still am and wonder when I do stop and think about what is going on.

I am making it on three poops a week with accompanying showers. I have to go at some. During the week two nights without without assistance in the toileting area. I'm just so surprised that I have not had an accidental poop yet. I know the poop is coming, the poop's got a be coming because the poop hasn't come yet. I get up in the morning, shave and stuff , make coffee get dressed, then I do my day. I know the sound minimal but for me the maximum. Even I don't know how I do it.

Last night I was laying in bed and thinking to myself what was the best part about paralysis. I laughed to myself and thought it and thought “this is it, right here laying on the bed. I can lay here right on the edge of the bed all night and be okay because I won't move because I'm paralyzed. Now, there is the issue of an occasional spasm which could actually throw me off the bed if I wasn't careful. However, I try to minimize this risk by parking my power chair right next to the bed my legs should they fall off the edge. I sure hope that does not happen. However it has in the past. Most the times I have been able to correct the problem myself and hold myself back onto the bed a couple times I've had to call people who come to rescue me and that's worked out. I know most of the time I have been darn lucky. At one time I believed living on my own and falling out of my bed would've been the end of the world now I know you just call the fire department. It's all kind of crazy to me. Even with all that I'm doing it on my own. Well maybe not all on my maybe I have someone looking out for me… And that's okay too