Adieu and Bonjour

Last night I spoke with a friend who, I'm afraid, is becoming more and more suicidal. He lives in the state one time zone away from me. We've been friends since the 80s. However since 1984 we will miss each other a few times that have kept connected either through the written word or through the Internet. Our relationship has always been based on electronic technology. I believe our relationship deepened was  he was working on computerizing our office. By that I mean he was trying to get everything he did on line. The boss of the facility Was always open to anything that was great and  positive to the organization. Since my friend was helping the organization, which is private nonprofit which served folks with developmental disabilities and had a challenge budget the boss which allowed him pretty much free reign over that regime. The whole company was pretty much operating off  IBM Selectric typewriters and US mail and of course the phone system that was about it.

At the time my friend had a bachelor's degree in psychology, I believe. He went back to academe and earned his PhD in industrial psychology kind of disappeared off my radar. I relocated to Utah and it must have also his PhD. That's kind of weird to think about it since we never saw each other in Utah that would've been fairly easy.

My friend has been crushed beneath the wheel of economics and political strata of our time. I tried calling once a week and I must confess that I've been doing poorly at that the last couple months. I sense his depression is worsening. He is doing everything he can, I believe to battle with depression but most of the depression is situational. We feel trapped and burdened and is and really, through no fault of his own but these are the cards on the table and he has to play them.

He does not know what is going to do. He keeps getting cards from the shoe but so far the Grim Reaper has not appeared. As we spoke last night – – long-distance – – through the electronic struggle of computer assisted communication my friend shared with me he was safe for a couple weeks because he had a trip to France he was going to take which actually lifted him all the ways out of this depression. This was news from out of nowhere me however this trip has been in the plans for at least a year It seems. The group of high school buddies going to Europe one last hurrah, fulfillment of bucket list items or whatever.

I of course was immediately seized with the idea of what it my friend never came back from France? I mean what do you have to lose? He really is facing the homeless card. You can be homeless and Northern California and we homeless 'n France. Why not spend the refugees in Europe bouncing around, being homeless living in the underground (excuse the pun)and being cool. Of course it's a bit of a copout and make you look like a jerk To all those you leave behind is the next best thing the suicide. Because once you throw the suicide card down on the table it's game over.