Is Everybody Happy?

I just finished a search of my blog. I searched for the word “van”. I'm looking for recent posts regarding my wheelchair van. I was astonished to find out how many postings have made regarding my vehicle over the past how many years I've been doing this blog. I must've read about seven or eight posts before I got bored and decided I had not recently blogged about my current transportation issue. Infact it was last year about this time that I had anticipated the sale of my vehicle.

My vehicle had sat in our back parking lot here at the apartments for more than a year without moving. The possibility of selling my vehicle had vanished when the little paraplegic to the major mind change and move back to Wyoming. This of course was after he advised me not to renew my tags on my license on my vehicle indicating he for sure was going to purchase my van. I did not renew my van and of course he backed out of the deal at the last moment and returned to Wyoming. I of course immediately lost interest in the vehicle, the battery lost its charge and there the van has rested.

Couple of months ago my brother Paul reminded everyone we decided for another family reunion for this summer. Of course the reunion will be here and here is the for my benefit since I don't know how I can travel anymore especially being single now. I have been concerned about how I was going to go to the reunion but after my brother Carl requested I was able to contact Taylorsville Park and secure one of the pavilions for the reunion. Taylorsville Park is across the street from our apartment complex. I thought sure my stress level that would go down. It has become traditional that are reunions that there is a family dinner at a restaurant the night before the reunion. The day of the reunion in the evening after the festivities at the park are aware of the reunion is held the family again comes together for an evening my brother Carl's home in Murray. This function is pretty much held in the backyard and it's basically accessible to my power chair but barely. I can really miss this portion of the function. I feel kind of left out because I can't get to work the major portion of the family is sitting. Dianne and I were together at the last reunion so we sat together. The family wants me to be at that function and I'm trying to figure out how to do that. Of course, if I had a legal van I could just drive, if I had a drivers license which I don't. So my brother Paul has volunteered to drive me and I need to get my vehicle registered.

Earlier this week I made arrangements with my cousin, the Mechanic Man (that is the name of his shop, he does automotive repair), Who came over and picked up my van day before yesterday. I'm going to see if I can get the vehicle registered and covered with insurance for the time I will need to have a legal vehicle. I found out today the least I can ensure my vehicle is for two months or that's what I must purchase is two months of coverage. I still do not have a number one but that'll cost. The insurance folk cannot finish their bid because they have to have license numbers, names of anyone who might be transporting me in my vehicle was likely my brother Paul, my brother Carl or my son Mark Anthony. I guess this sounds easy but seems daunting to me. Try to get this finished by next weekend the date of the reunion. The more I've pondered this issue the more I realize I don't have a van. The local Company has two wheelchair accessible vehicles into drivers. At best being able to call and have a vehicle ready immediately sounds and feels like that is not possible but I have not had any problems with them when I've needed to use the private taxi People. True I had to wait quite a while for one of my needs but was able to get it covered eventually. Having said this, I almost been assured that there will not be a vehicle ready when I need it… But I could be wrong I still have to contact the Company to see if there's any way to set aside or reserve the cab for when I need the cab which means for sure there will not be one available for when I need one..

I think I've done driving and vehicle ownership. I'm happy with public transit and the occasional taxi. I hope I'll be able to make myself and my family happy.

Say "Cheese"

Finally the weather is warming, the spring is giving away this summer and still we've only had a couple of fairly hot days I can now since the hot days are very close I live for the hot days as hot as I can get them. I curse the bus drivers return the air-conditioners of the high making me suffer through my Trips on Public Transit. I force myself to remember to take some sort of blanket or wrap because I know if I go to a movie my teeth will be chattering all through the feature. I turn off the air-conditioning in my apartment and open my windows finally this is my time. 

I have mentioned before the housing complex than I live in, is adjacent to Taylorsville city park. I cannot believe how fortunate I am to be living next to a part. Part of that part is that skateboard facility referred to as basically the skateboard park. The skateboard park is pretty large for free facility. So, of course the skateboard park is inundated with kids. This of course is not a surprise just a fact. Most of those kids are adolescents. The sign on the skateboard park indicates the park will be closed at 10 p.m. There is no enforcement that I've seen in the many months I've lived at this facility. It's just the fact, before I get carried away and must bring myself back to the fact the adolescent zeal of enjoying skateboard park is not what I'm writing about.

The skateboard park is nestled in the center of a number of very large man-made hills which is kind of fun for me to drive my chair up and get a glimpse of the neighborhood from the height this affords. A couple weeks ago there is a very nice warm storm mainly wind, a little lightning and a very definite threat of rain I was out on the top of one of the hills, enjoying the natural process all around, lying back in my chair just enjoying the moment. I do not know what drew my attention to the light poles around the park maybe it was because the lights were not on in the surroundings were pretty dark anyway that's when I noticed the array of cameras on the side of this pole. I was blown away. There must've been at least four cameras that I can see right off. I will not say this is overkill but surely it seems to be my family would've sufficed. Perhaps, multiple agencies governmental and otherwise access these cameras. In this day of any number of terror and catastrophe maybe surveillance is the name of the game. I know this zone I live in can be fairly challenging. I am the one who calls this community bullet-ville, sirens out on Redwood road seemed to run day and night. Perhaps the additional eyes will make my little park and apartments just a little bit safer. I guess it's worth the trade-off. I would like to know who's on the other end of the camera and who's really watching and what are they really watching for?

Boom !!

Boom! It feels like a bomb just one inside my head and try to figure out how to deal with the remnants of the explosion. Today is my daughter's 36^th birthday! Where have the years gone? I know this is cliché but the cliché is certainly true. Shelley is always been the inquisitive child, the smart child the turning the stone over child to see what was underneath. A number of years ago, shortly after the birth of her first daughter she began inquiring about my birth parents. As early readers of the blog might remember I am an adopted child and it is quite a convoluted story. I do not have the time or well to go into that now. Anyway, I've never had really any desire to find out anything about my biological parents. I have always felt committed to my adopted parents and family will always made me feel a part of the herd specially since all of us more or less adopted in my family one way or the other. Shelley I'm sure there are other reasons but now being a parent she wanted to know what she might need to be aware of genetically speaking particularly health issue if there are any. Shelley's questions makes sense.

Over the years I have felt jealous often on those members of my family that you actually blood related to each other (it's a bizarre story). They know where they come from they know who they are you looking at each other and see characteristics in common. My older brother Ross and myself are the only real adoptees from outside the family. Still have not had a desire to trace out my lineage for my biological roots. Now that my mother has passed and I know she would not have minded and I searched my lineage for which you might now. In fact I'm sure she would encourage me to do so. With the advent of private companies doing genetic research that seems to mushroomed everywhere now I've been a little curious. What would they find?

About a month ago my daughter informed me she was going to take part in one of those DNA research programs and wanted to know if I'd be upset if she did. I told her no I did not have a problem. And she did it. She contacted AncestryDNA went to the process and oddly enough today, on her birthday she got the results! It was pretty exciting not only for her but for me as well because it did shed some light am. But I was not prepared for was that part of that project is that Ancestry DNA also provides the person with links to other people with similar finding i.e. probable relatives, blood relatives! In some cases they actually publish the pictures of some of these folks, those folks who want to connect with other folks with the same DNA signatures. Shelley even sent me the image of one such person who does seem to resemble me and is also an adopted child! That might be just coincidental I don't know but I believe Shelley's going to make contact to this person lives in New Mexico. There is also other “family” possibilities in Santaquin it's really not too far from me here in Salt Lake. Too bizarre.

I have to be honest it's really feel spooky, I'm having a bit of anxiety about what the next steps will render. I don't understand everything about Ancestry DNA but I want to go with what comes up. I may even consider spitting into a bottle and send it away and see what comes up

Memorial Meat Day

I was worried I was going to be in pain all day. I wasn't sure if I had developed a pressure sore I was hoping I was just feeling the result of not having bathed in today's. Hygiene can be an issue and actually cause pain when good hygiene cannot be practiced independently. Since I cannot transfer myself into the shower out independently I must wait for my health care person. Well that was pretty magical thinking on my part that hygiene was the problem. This morning when I had Dana check my undercarriage and examined for skin breakdown indeed she did find some—not total breakdown no bleeding per se but that layer of epidermis was definitely worn through and in jeopardy of becoming a full skin breakdown. I think we caught the wounded time and I Dana dress the wound with our special “special skin” tape in my butt has felt better all day. I still and focused on trying to ea zing the weight I am subjecting my butt to but my day felt a lot better than I thought it was going to thanks today Dana. I'm so committed to getting my wound to heal that I even laid down this afternoon for an hour or so. I never laid down during the day. I think this is going to be a new part of my game plan. I am not sure how much I like it but this is what I need to do.

Since it was a holiday today I played like it was the holiday for me. I went to the market and shopped. I want to make a holiday meal and I decided on hamburger fritters I think that's what they're called essentially there meatloaf patties (I thought about making a whole meatloaf but that's not what I wanted to day). I needed a green pepper and off I went. I of course over purchased but it was fun and maybe feel like a holiday. Yesterday, I was trying to put a bargain steak in the freezer and a pound of hamburger roll out. I also took a small steak which had been hiding the back of the freezer. I was committed to have this steak and the hamburger fritters as part of my holiday meal.

I was pleased with how quickly the meal came together. I used my new slicer to process the green pepper and onion for the meatloaf. I was totally surprised that hamburger buns I'd gotten from the food bank at least four weeks ago was still okay, I mean there's no green patches of mold decorating the round pieces of bread. Granted the buns were a bit dry but not totally and yes I've tasted fresher pieces of bread but it was not bad especially for use in cooking it turned out all right.

I did not have a cookout the weather wasn't right for it anyway but I had a cook in which was actually more fun in a lot of ways. I still have got dinner to put away and dishes to put in the sink for cleaning tomorrow and people in text finish off a pretty good Memorial Day… Hope yours was as good.

A Butt To Sit On

Typical just typical the holiday weekend and it feels like I'm coming down with a pressure sore, butt wound as a result from my stupid power chair and most specifically my stupid cushion. And actually it's probably just stupid me as I don't have the balls stay off my butt like a good cripples should. I don't know why it is so hard for me to stay in bed especially when I know that by doing so I may prevent more serious damage to my poor benighted butt. I'm afraid of missing out. Not enjoying the day or more specifically having to “enjoy” the day from my bed. I just go crazy laying in bed watching the day in my life go by. The sad thing about my life is that I really not do anything anyway by sitting up in my chair. I'm able to work on my computer play on the Internet but I could do that from my bed sort of. I just do everything better sitting up. I'm hoping that the skin is not breaking down as much as the skin in the of a good scrubbing. The weekends or my challenge since I have to go today's without a shower. I've noticed many times on the Sundays that skin is hurting like I have a breakdown but accepting it's just the skin need to be scrubbed. But crossing my fingers and hoping that's what the issue is and tomorrow with the visiting of Dana, my home health worker, who gives a great but scrubbed but do so and I'll be feeling better. I still well take care to not do too much tomorrow to try to give my skin a rest.

It's crazy I know but sometimes I look at all the people walking around and you know they have great butts. They can do anything they want they can set anywhere they want, for as long as they want and not even get tired butt. Not me, it is gotten so I have to watch everything that I do especially going anywhere my power chair. The rocking motion wears on my butt and I think challenges my skin. I try to do press releases anyway that I can, and sometimes that helps, I pray for the magic bullet cushion that someday I will find which will allow me to sit for as long as I was like and not experienced skin breakdown. I can deal with tired but but I can't do skin breakdown. That really is the gateway to the end for many people with spinal cord injury. That would just love to enjoy the holiday free of any skin issues or any other issues that matter.

But seriously after writing all this I am thankful to be where I'm at and doing what I'm doing at the level I'm doing. I am most likely my own worst enemy and must work at taking better care of myself. I don't want to leave myself without a butt to sit on .

Sticks

One of the things I miss most about not having the house and the garage is not having access to the shop, my humble woodshop where if this were normal times I would be spending my Saturday night working on making hooks from sticks I would have harvested from dumpsters outside of wood mills. Obviously I still haven't unfulfilled need to be making hooks. I now have all the equipment I need (albeit it's not as nice and operation as I had in Murray but I can now make hooks to replace my supply that is dwindling quickly.

Route 47, one of the major routes that I use, because that route is close to my apartments, I have noticed travels right past Lowe's building supplies. I've been meaning for days to jump the bus and go over and see what they have that I might be able to use on my hook project. I started thinking that if they had scraps of wood, these pieces might meet my needs, perhaps that would be the best way to go. I usually don't really consider the time when I ride Route 47 because the headways are essentially 15 minutes so you never have to wait very long. However, on weekends that changes to happen are headways versus 15 minute headways and I would just as soon not have to wait any longer than I need to. Everything seemed to work fine I got to the bus stops the more than five minutes later the number 47 came rumbling up. To stop by Lowes is right by the building I couldn't have planned it better.

I always like weekend shopping at Lowe's all the weekend Carpenters are out. Husband-and-wife teams bickering over the home improvement project, dads pushing their preteen daughters around on huge carts designed to carry large sheets of wood like 4 by 8 foot pieces. These couples are just darling to watch. The daughter is so pleased to have her dad off yourself even if it's at Lowe's.

I found exactly what I needed, 2 x 2” pieces at least a foot in length. The trouble is I need one each by 1 inch to make my hooks . This would've worked out perfect if they would've ripped the wood for my but they said they could not it was a safety thing. I next checked the dowels just on the chance that dowels might work and you know what? Dowels will work just fine! They are not as long as I would like, they're just 48 inches that's not bad I can work with that. Dowels, in a number of different sizes. I chose three different sizes. The cost a little under six dollars which is more than I wanted to pay but the cost is worthwhile to replace the hooks.

When I checked the bus schedules I saw that I had a half an hour before the next bus came to take me home. I knew traveling with 3 dowels between my legs was to be a challenge but I was up for it. The bus stop is on the southwest corner of the building in full view of the sun. I killed sometime inside the building that one out and waited for the bus stop in the afternoon sun. Even though I knew the time I chose not to wait in the shade was available. That shade was at a distance from the bus stop and I knew if I chose to use that shade the bus would be early and I would miss it. Spoiler alert it didn't matter. I was waiting 10 minutes when other bus coming towards me from it distance. She was moving pretty fast that I figured should serve over to pick me up at the last moment she didn't. I can tell she was not going to stop I started waving my arms my hands – – I cannot police did not see she had to see but she left me in the dust. I was pissed. The only thing I could do was except the drive-by and call the incident in which I did. Besides my angst I tried to convey to the operator I also wanted to make sure she contacted the next driver to be sure she saw me... She did.

I know it sounds like a little deal, but when you're counting on that bus and it's hot outside (or cold if it's the winter) it is a big deal if the bus passes you by especially when it's not your fault. The driver had to have seen me, issues so distracted she did not then she should not been driving.I hope I got her in trouble the necessary for my benefit that for all the other wheelchair users expecting the next bus to stop.

SDB

I have so many self-defeating behaviors I find it difficult to isolate one from the other sometimes. Sometimes these are are subtle to the pointhe behavior ends up taking up all of my time. On my new/old computer/laptop in the program open office which I used to write for some reason the screen is essentially cut itself the path. I don't know why this frustrates me so much but for the past day and a half I have been trying to find a solution to the point where nothing else is getting done. The silly part is with the amount the screen I have available I can write just fine. But I want to see the whole page in the screen does not let me do that. I've done a little bit of research and I have a call out to my son who is my usual go to person for such issues. I texted him this morning to say if he could give me a fast solution and he gave me an idea but I don't think it's the problem as I understand it. I may just have to harangue him until he drops by it looks at the issue. However, as I indicated earlier I can use this system just fine with the shortened space available which allows 13 to 14 lines of text to be seen once as opposed to more like 24 to 26 lines which is getting closer to a amount of page that I traditionally work.. This short space just means I will have to scroll more to read what I have written.

This is not new to me. This is happened to me before I can't remember exactly what happened or my solution (which if I did I would not be in such a quandary). Mark Anthony suggested my screen was caught and “tablet” mode which I was kind of hoping the solution to be but so far I have not been able to see if that's the problem. It would seem to me if my laptop was in tablet mode this half image phenomenon would generalize itself to all pages I'd be looking at and so far I see the half screen in primarily Open Office. I need to begin my workout regimen and then I'm going to be visiting with my buddy, David Allen who is coming to Salt Lake on a visit to his home in Blackfoot. I don't know when I'll get back to resolving the issue of how screen OpenOffice but it's nice to just sit and write and get past my blockage that I was letting happen, overcoming my self-defeating behavior.

BREAKING NEWS!!

Not long after writing the first of this post I was contacted by my old boss David that he was coming through town on his way to Blackfoot, Idaho and wanted to know if he could stop by for an hour or so which of course I demanded that he stopped by. This was a quick visit we stated my apartment didn't go out to eat or anything just had a great visit. He's on his way home spends time with his mom but a nice lad. Too good to be on the cusp of a holiday weekend. I was good ago by fresh coffee but figured I can wait till tomorrow by deftly want to get some pro-holiday and for the beginning of summer.

When Tech And Poetry Mesh

I hate it when I'm faced with not being as smart as I'd like to think that I am especially in the area of information technology and specifically computers. Yesterday, I talked about the computer I purchased for my son and I was quite pleased with myself, the purchase and the system. I use the system to write my post yesterday wasreasonably pleased with how well the writing and the system works. Now however I noticed this morning something's happened to my screen in when I'm using the OpenOffice software. I think the issue is isolated to OpenOffice. The screen that I'm operating on the somehow got itself in half, really at all how otherwise to say this. Is that the screen I use to write on is now half the size that I started on. This seems vaguely familiar like it happened to me before and it seems is just a matter of enlarging the screen but for the life of me I cannot remember how that process is obtained. I worked for a little bit last night on the problem in this morning for a couple of hours with no resolution.

It's not that I don't care about this problem or its quick resolution I have a lot of other options two android systems that does extremely well with the talk to text functions. I've got a couple projects I'm working on right now that if I can get the laptop functional the laptop could or can help me a lot. Maybe the next couple days I can work on this project and if I have to contact a few of my “go to's” to see if I can enlarge the screen in my OpenOffice on my new/old Dell laptop. As long as we're talking bad about the new system I will share that I use my Amazon account to go to Amazon music prime and listen to a number of different pieces of music on the speakers of the laptop. The speakers are not the best speakers on earth but hey once again 80 bucks I was expecting a whole lot anyway I'm just glad the music comes out as well as it does. I did pick up some earbuds and I'm sure the will be wonderful through the earbuds. I almost got headphones, you know the kind which covers the ears like earmuffs. I still like to get headphones but I don't really have a reason to except that I want to. The problem has been when I get stuff like this I don't take care of the stuff very well the wires always get caught up in my wheels and I end up breaking them one way or the other. I still end up being Dr. Distructo.

I spent the better part of the last two days trying to get applications for teleprompters to work. I've downloaded a couple the one App you actually have to buy their machine to do the reverse trick on it the other will not accept the documents I want to be able to read off as I localize the project. I'm working on a number of poems I would like to have a Teleprompter device to slowly feed me the lines as I feel myself. Not that it matters but I'm naked while reciting the poetry.

I'm so excited! I'm writing this post on my new laptop – – actually of course, I must clarify my statement by indicating it is not a new system just new to me. I'm so fortunate, my son works at a place where they heavily use information technology i.e. computers, laptops and everything else. Occasionally like most places they get rid of their equipment and when that happens that equipment is offered to employees before traditionally going out to the public. For once in my life I have connections that pay off for me. I don't mean that to sound like I'm better than anybody else it's just that for once I might be coming out ahead. I was able to get this little systematic insanely low price that even if it does not work in certainly worth a crap shoot the layout to see if it works for me which I think it well. It's not that I can even justify it I'm already computer heavy with my big desktop which I do love as well as a small tablet and my cell phone. Both the tablet in the cell phone have really decent speech to text software which means I can dictate anywhere I go but it's just nice to have access to a laptop computer again and be able to drag it around and be productive and other places. I don't know if I'm going to do that with this little system but for writing this computer is going to work just fine.I kind of feel bad because my big desktop is across the room listening to everything I've said as I dictate. It's sounded off a couple times trying to get my attention… I almost feel bad. I'm sure I will continue to use the big system to write with but I'm just amazed at how well this little Dell system is hearing what I'm saying.

I was a little concerned when I took control of this system after Mark Anthony left for the evening. He spent a good hour and a half “tuning up” the system to meet my specific needs. After he left was late and mesed with the system a little bit when I tried to use the word processor the printing was so small I can barely read what I'd written – – I was really beginning to get my usual case of buyer's remorse however I went into settings and fiddled around there and soon I'd gotten the words large enough that I could easily see and read what I was writing. Now I just need to do that all way through the system. The system has drawbacks I suppose if you call them drawbacks. I think the speakers might be a little funky and they don't have a very strong video card which is okay I don't want spend a lot of time on video anyway I waste too much time as it is on YouTube and the like. So, barring anything unforeseen I'm quite pleased with my new system but stay tuned you know me I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Another Senior Moment

I don't know what threw me off today but something did. It might have been my weekly call into the private nonprofit I sit on a volunteer board for. I call him every Tuesday to see if they are going to convene a board and they did not this week which essentially frees up my day. It could've been an email/text I got from my friend Lori asking if I was going to the DRAC meeting today. I of course forgot all about the meeting and the postcard I received informing me about the meeting had dropped to the floor. I thought sure the meeting was next week. But I got to thinking about the postcard and when I picked postcard off the floor and read it and it said sure enough there is to be a planning meeting “today”. I stuck it in the back of my mind 052318. Had not really planned on a trip out but I figured I better go. I fiddled around apartment hanging up clothes, making coffee and making a breakfast. I read a chapter in my novel, I did a word puzzle (a cryptic quote)-got my daughter's birthday card into the mail. So I was productive. I wish I had the time to work out with my arm bike but there was just not enough time.

I mentioned I made good time getting into the housing authority. I had to keep telling myself there would be some kind of a meal served usually sandwich and potato chips but that counts. I would've liked to have stopped that one of the restaurants in the area and grabbed a lunch. But I was going to eat the meal provided. I knew I was early but that's okay I figured I'd just wait and work on poetry reading. This is what I did, we meet in a board room in the basement of the housing authority Salt Lake County. It's not the fanciest place in world but they don't charge and certainly has enough room for everyone. I waited an hour quietly in the hall outside the boardroom. Nobody came I waited 15 minutes past the established time. If there is to be a board meeting somebody would've been there but there was no trace of anyone. I was kind of pissed but that's okay I have time to work on my poetry and head back home. No loss, it's not like you have anything important to do. I grabbed a bite to eat this I was eating I started processing. I remembered I had dressed myself and if I dressed myself it was not Wednesday so today had to be Tuesday and in fact it is Tuesday the 22^nd!! Sure enough tomorrow is the DRAC meeting. I did not miss the meeting the meeting had not taken place yet I was so proactive I was a whole day early. I must admit, this admission to myself kind of frightened me. Could this be more than a senior moment or was it just a senior moment. Had my friends question so throw me off that I didn't see the date of what I did see was I guess what I wanted to see that being today was the day of the meeting. That still is fairly spooky to me that I let something like that happen.

Things I would've done or  I was thinking of doing was taking the bus to a furniture mill and see about getting one or two pieces of scrap that I can use to fashion hooks . In the same vein I could've gone to Home Depot or Lowe's and purchased some wood and had them cut the piece (S) I needed but then I would have to pay for the wood. This would certainly be a lot easier then all of the hassle I have gone through so far.. I guess I'm just in love with the idea of getting the wood for free. Luckily I got everything done I needed to have done before this fiasco happened. Again, I write the whole event off a rehearsal tomorrow. Let's just hope that's all it is.

Waiting For The Sucker Punch

I just got in from the movies. Yes I get a Monday movie. My movie house the Regal Theater is just down the street from where I live. I think I talked about it before the theater is very convenient. The theater is kind of posh. I mean the theater costs a fortune to get into but that has two or three sizes of your screens and the recline type seats. It's fairly accessible disability wise. Monday and Tuesday of each week is cheap seats, what usually goes for $6.95 is just five dollars on Monday and Tuesday's. No break on refreshments, refreshments are still higher than the cats back. Even if I go for the midsized popcorn and box of milk duds and sometimes I will drink talk in nearly 20 box just refreshments! I know I have written about this before so no news here. Today I went to Dead Pool 2 – – when it profane and violent piece of artwork however I must confess I enjoyed the movie. I'm not sure if I can just do it again in a movie house but most assuredly will rent the movie or even purchase the movie if and when I get the chance. I just cannot believe the profanity in the film I guess I could write that at up as to being old.

The clouds have been interesting all day. The clouds of threatened moisture with wind and darkness that he can not been overbearing almost into the 80s today. The day is still comfortable. Probably one a greater motivators for getting out and going to the movie. Actually I've been quite busy today. I traveled all the way up Redwood Road to CREATE and got my charger. I was shocked when Tom requested $15 for the repair. I almost said something funny was joking. He was not. I did a quick change of thought realizing the work he has done probably did save me a lot of money. $15 is worth the repair of my charger. I also met with Anne when I came back to the apartments. Need to have my yearly evaluation actually is for some strange government process where the feds you part of the rent you paid for the year back. I don't understand it but I will be appreciative when my check comes in the mail.

Utah Non-Profit also measured my apartment today for putting down planking throughout the unit. This is waterproof what type flooring. This was chosen so that apartment would not degrade further than is currently happening. That will be great to get rid of this ugly carpet. I can hardly wait as I was washing clothes, I overheard them talking, I think I'm happy to be out of my unit while they make this repair will probably be two days. They have not talked to me for sure about this but I heard them talking about something like this and I'm sure it was about me. So, I have to figure out where I'm going to go that I can survive in for one night at least possibly two. I can figure it out not a problem.

I was afraid I was going to get drenched coming home but I ducked into Starbucks and got a $4.50 latte which did not surprise me but then again it did – – – was surprised me was I used to get one of these every day on my way to work. 20 bucks at least a week on coffee/latte. I couldn't do that now even if I wanted. I. need to throw my guard up, things are way too good right now. I've got a few focused for the sucker punch it's out there waiting to strike

Just Be proactive…Just Be proactive…Just Be proactive… Think Dory

My little brother called today. It's hard to think of Paul being in my little brother now that we're all grown up. He is five years younger than me which makes him 62 which is totally unbelievable. Anyway, Paul is being responsible and following up to make sure that family reunions and track. To the best of my knowledge the reunion is on track and scheduled to happen on the weekend of the eighth and ninth of June! That is like three weeks? Paul want to make sure I would be able to get to and from anything been scheduled. On Friday before the Saturday event, tradition has the family gathering at a restaurant typesetting. Typically it is a buffet. We go that route because it's the easiest thing to do. Everyone feeds themselves it's a good selection buffet and it is a buffet which means it is an all you can eat situation and everyone likes that… Don't they? Quite frankly, I've been a bit worried how I was going to get around for these events.

The van I own is currently not licensed neither does the van have insurance. I told Paul that I would get to work on getting the vehicle registered and insured for the upcoming event. I really need to do this partially because of the memo that one out to all the doors at the apartment complex about unregistered vehicles in the parking lot of the building. Nothing's been done or said to me about my vehicle be an unlicensed but ensure their thinking about it. I've been thinking since the call. Besides the stress of trying to get this done before the event is going to be the cost. I don't get a cost 100 bucks at least to take it to the cousin's and have him check it out and safety inspectors and emissions plus whatever I choose to insure whether for a week a month or year that is going to cost. So I can be taught and easy to 300 bucks at a minimum. So, I've been thinking why register the vehicle at all? I would be wiser and less expense if I just use a portion of what it would cost to register the vehicle and insure it and just use the local taxicab service to go to return. Even if the cost for this was over 100 bucks I would still be ahead of the game. I may not be as convenient as people may desire but I'll probably be okay. After all, was that not the plan when they had me get the park next to my building? I be able to just roll across the yard and be at the reunion.

So it seems to me, if there is an event on Friday evening, which I'm sure there will be all just have to engage Ute cab which actually has a wheelchair accessible vehicle to get me to and from the event even if I have to pay fair market market price all is good. Now, what I need to do is make arrangements with the Company to make sure, beyond all doubt, that I will have a vehicle secured for me even if I have to rent t the cab to reserve that vehicle that is what I'm going to do to be proactive.

Transcription

I recently returned from a rollaround my neighborhood. This is the first real rollaround I've done this summer season though it's hardly yet summer by a long shot today was nice and warm full of sun and anticipation. Truth be told I did not get out in the good weather I stayed in and worked on a project for a friend. I filled my morning and afternoon with the transcription of an interview she did for her work. She is a writer and professional tutor working at local committee college. She had been quite busy of late and had a difficult time getting to this transcription so I volunteered. I was interested to see if I can transcribe the document with my talk to text (TTT) software I have on various pieces of equipment that I use on a regular basis.

The project and it has been a project has been somewhat stimulating. Our first challenge was getting me the file so I could do the transcription. The document was to large for regular for regular transit via email so we had to figure out another approach. I know there's a way is sending large files but I cannot remember the process and my friend was interested in going through Dropbox. I forgot and even been on dropbox (which kind of spooks me a little, that I forgot so completely my involvement with Dropbox). In fact, once I got into Dropbox I remembered that the reason I got out was that I had completely filled up the free space Dropbox gives people which is actually quite a bit of space. I felt my space with images that I have been looking at other places. I have to delete enough room to fit my friends interview on to my Dropbox – – I decided scour the the entire account and start new. Late in the evening yesterday I was able to get the file and open it to my three devices computer, cell phone and tablet. I was totally excited. It was late and I decided to crash after visiting with my friend on the text.

I really wasn't going to spend my day transcribing but once I figured out the process and how I would do it I figured why not? I did a little, to begin the project and found that I actually transcribed listening to the audio file then repeating into my device which take the audio and transcribe it in my word processor. I did the whole interview and it took all afternoon. I took the file and save the work in two formats. One in OpenOffice which I do most of my writing and any other is a rich text file or R T F. I'm a little embarrassed because the project I sent her is pretty chaotic. I am actually surprised at how well I did the transcription and I just transcribed the input from the interviewee (as my friend stipulated) start document was multiple pages. I want her to get the data as soon as possible and I will certainly help clean up the mess if she desires.

The evening was cool but I did my rollaround not yet hot as what happened in the summer and the heat becomes almost unbearable but enjoyable for me in the evenings for rollaround's and reading poetry naked in the night.

The clock Is Taking

Blog 051818 – – Friday

When you pay someone to take care of you, by that hour you are constantly aware of the flow of time. At least I made is because I am what they called “self-pay” that is a pay for services I get out of my own pocket as opposed to having an insurance company are Medicaid pay for my attendant care services. It's hard and quite frankly a little frightening. I love my health care professional, actually the last two professionals have been fantastic! They have helped me when I needed it, the clock unreported but got me out is a very spooky if not dangerous situations.

Still the clock is ticking and I have to do everything I have to do with this professional in my one golden hour. I am sure there are times when the healthcare professional fudges a little my favor and they appreciate any help that I get. This morning I felt the pressure. Friday mornings are very important to me that I get as complete evacuation of my bowels that I can sense I will not have another bowel movement until Monday! Like I said this is quite unsettling if not frightening. Not frightening like the monster is behind you, chasing you and you keep falling down kind of frightening but the kind of frightening that you're at a  movie theater either getting ready to watch a movie or in the middle of movie and your bowels decides to to let go. So, on Friday morning I want to make sure everything comes out. It is stressful to say the least. I feel it when my professional comes in and asks how I'm doing and furtively looks at her watch.The Clock is ticking. Even though I am not supposed to bear down I do a little bit trying to promote the suppositories benefits. I do not want to stimulate any more bleeding than I need. But, the clock is ticking.

I have had a minor success and slapped the break of my chair making a brief clicking noise and my person asks if I'm finished. I say “yeah I guess I am” but I don't feel I am they of I have to get “the shore on the road”. We still have to finish cleaning me up and get dressed for my day. I don't know of it sitting longer sitting on the commode would've gotten any more “product” out. But I'm dressed and in my chair and waving goodbye to my person Monday morning. I would probably be okay. I have gotten to know the feeling of insecurity but the same time now that nine times out of 10 nothing happens. I flushed it up out of my about the get me through to the next morning and that person shows up to start the process again. If I do have and “explosive” episode called the agency and and they well send out the person encore, who will clean me up, hose me down, dress me and send me on my way. And charge me one hour golden are not.

It is Friday evening and I'm feeling at risk. I'm trying not to make any sudden moves, I listened to the gurgles, the feel uncomfortable and think this is going to be a very long weekend.

Edema, Who Me?

We are all going to die right? I know that probably more than most since I've come down close to the three times my life where I almost crossed over and that's not even counting of the near misses at experienced riding the train, crossing the streets and who knows what else are not even aware. I'm going to die I know that I just hate being reminded. Not that I was reminded today but I was made aware once again of the swelling of my legs – – this happens every summer maybe even in the winter too but you never know because you can't see my legs, I'm wearing long pants. But with the advent of warm weather I switch into shorts and one can see my legs especially my feet. I have always had swelling and everyone is always talked about my water filled lower extremities. I've never felt any physical distress due to the pooling of water in my legs but everyone thinks I should and when they bring it up I start thinking I should. Today my cleaning person came. She came after coffee social and I did not have anywhere to be till 1 o'clock. We have great chemistry which means we talk a lot. I have to be careful since some charge by the hour for cleaning. One of the great things about my cleaning person is she used to be a PCA (personal care attendant) a regular home health professional. I really think she knows what she's talking about. I mean more than once she has walked in on clients will kick the bucket for whatever reason. She knows dead people. So when she talks I listen.

So the second or third thing she says this morning when she comes to clean was “Boy, your feet are sure swollen” I going to my song and dance about how everyone tells me that, this happens every summer and it's okay I'm used to it. Then she asked me a litany of things in my diabetic, am I hurting, are your kidneys okay, and on and on multiple?'s. I didn't think anything about this and tell I started ruminating and the board meeting I was sitting at this afternoon. My clean person suggested that I get my feet above my head and I can actually do that in my power chair. It's kind of uncomfortable but I suppose I could do it but I don't know for how long. I suppose I could consider wearing the dreaded compression socks but there's no way I can get those on by myself even if I did think I was going to wear them. The bottom line is I would hate wearing many clothes. So now I'm hyper focused on my body. It seems that I am voiding more than usual 400 mL or more… Kidney failure!?! Am I becoming diabetic? Insert Edvard Munches “The Scream of Nature”

I am settling down a little now that I'm home and surrounded by a clean apartment. I know my housekeeper did not mean to freak me out and she is probably only trying to help. I know I live in denial but come on really ,? It's just a little water, just a little retention I'll be okay… Just call me in the morning.

Hump Night

Tublets: French Vanilla

Wednesday night – – hump night and this should not be taken the wrong way – – halfway through the week. Typically I think was the night is a poor night for anything like television since I only get CBS and what they said CBS is offering on Wednesdays is minimal at best. I was in the kitchen just finishing a salad that is building from the remains of the banks salad fixings I got a week ago I figured I better use the lettuce and other vegetables up before they got to creepy. I was struggling with trying to open a bottle of hot peppers when I got a notice that at being texted it was my friend Lori. Lori wanted me to meet for coffee at my local coffee shop Hidden Peaks. Problem is Hidden Peaks close is quite early for coffee shop around 6 o'clock in the evening. I suggested the Village Inn at the other end of the block, the restaurant is also closer to the bus stop Lori would be getting off and besides it's Wednesday, free pie Wednesday… Need I say more?

Lori's text was all I needed to shut down my salad operation. I don't to salad I made into a plastic receptacle and shoved the container in the bridge into a little more time knowing that if Lori was doing public transit it's going to be a while. I waited as long as I dared then split. The night is beautiful, the temperature is still in the 70s and certainly a taste of summer to come. I zipped across the sidewalk stopping dutifully for the light. I can just see myself getting nailed by a “right turn”. The light turns and they should across the sidewalk into the VI restaurant.

It's a slow night at the village Inn, there is no one to greet me, no one behind the high shelf known behind the cash register just voices behind the door to the kitchen. I grab a menu and seat myself at our regular table. I wonder just what I can get away with and still qualify for FPW(Free Pie Wednesday). Adele, finally realizes there is a person in her section and floats over to investigate. I explained that just the coffee I'm waiting for someone. She sets me up. I pull out my book and begin to read. The sooner had I done this but I get a ping on my cell phone its Lori. Lori had not figured that during the evening and night the bus frequency goes to one hour. It was going to be a while. I worry about public transit after-hours especially for Lori. The return trip to get kind of dicey. I suggest we abort the evening and do it tomorrow when the bus system is a little more forgiving.

The night clientele at the village inn picks up a little. Adele drops by and I informed her of my situation. I ask it was the least I can order to qualify for the pie. Adele kind of winks at me and Mouths 'you are ready do' I still order a cup of vegetable beef soup and crackers and a piece of triple Berry pie to go. When I got my coffee earlier Adele also supplied me with French vanilla flavor tublets( I just made that up and I like it). I grabbed a handful and stopped in my shoulder pack. I figured this was payback for the restaurant charging me $2.50 for a pitcher of coffee that I will only have, at most, two tiny cups. It wasn't right but sometimes you just have to stick it to the man…

NO2

A year ago I didn't even know about nitrous oxide, oh, I knew about nitrous oxide or laughing gas. I heard many people talk about it and the effects of nitrous oxide but I pretty much just blew it all away. I chose not to know about NO2. Actually, I don't think Drew (my dentist until last year when he retired) use nitrous oxide at least he never offered it to me. It was one I found my new dentist here in the neighborhood that I have my first experience with the gas.

It's not like I was stressed or anything. I was presenting myself in an emergency situation, one of my teeth broken and I was sort of traumatized – – not in any pain but was frightened as soon would be. Maybe that is why Dr. Alan offered me the gaseous opportunity. I did not know what to expect, laughing gas or nitrous oxide it seemed so radical. The dental tech placed the cannula over my nose and told me to breathe. I did. It's not what I expected. I expected some campy experience as illustrated in the 1950s movies about using marijuana and other drugs. I didn't burst out laughing or feel humorous or anything like that. I started queuing and on all the conversations going on in the dentist's office. Dr. Alan runs pretty busy office and their is always lots of talking going on. It was weird I thought, I could hear a conversation going on all the way across the office. I felt like I had Superman ears. I also started really deep breathing to the point where I must've sounded strange because the dental tech stopped what she was doing came over and told me not to be so deeply – – that didn't stop me. I expanded my lungs each inhale felt like I was sucking the air out of the room are out of the tube in my nose and of whatever it was connected to on the other end. I have a secret feeling that I was really cute and funny. I tried to make conversation with the people around me but it was as if I had turned invisible. It was a good thing I was strongly tethered to my body because I was on the brink of an out of body experience. Sadly, I did not experience an OBE but I felt that I was going to soon. Soon after they started to nitrous oxide, Dr. Alan came over shot up my mouth with the needle. I hardly even cared I liked the nitrous oxide and I can't believe and not experienced this compound my entire life. I was fascinated with whatever Dr. Alan saying. In fact today is actually engaged in conversation with me which was pretty stupid I don't think I was too coherent. Dr. Allen said something about how old I was in the Vietnam War and boy I took off off from there. I rattled on about how thankful I was to have my accident and the fact that my accident excuse me from Vietnam and other choices that was producing minor anxiety in those days of yore. The doctor agreed with whatever I was babbling. Somewhere along the line I started getting paranoid thinking the Doc had stopped listening . But then he would key into something or say something that made me realize he was right on every word I was saying. I got lost another conversation he was having primarily with himself about how he was remodeling his cabin and he wanted just perfect but he couldn't find craftsman to do the work facility was going to have to do it himself he was ever going to fully enjoy his property. I kept looking up and see the hairs in his nose and thinking boys is this guy a Republican or what? Then I would forget that thought and refocus on inhaling.

I should've been thinking about, three cavities, I'm continuing to dig my self in debt, I've got it fixed with the front desk. The bank is paying my monthly belt direct to the dark right out of my account. 200 bucks every month. I'm never going to get out of debt but that's okay as long as I can come to the dentist office and hang out the cool kids who control the nitrous oxide.

More Patience … More Virtue

I call this my flying saucer lamp. Can you believe I got it from the “sharing shelf”. That place in the Common Room at the front of the building where folks can leave items they no longer need or want. The lamp was there one morning and I grabbed it as soon as I saw it. I drove home to my apartment places on my desk where the land has resided ever sense. The lamp is much heavier then it appears. My lamp really could be tagged exhibit in a murder trial. I like everything about this lamp, perhaps, the brass pipes, glass plate and dome with a halogen light bulb whose intensity I can adjust by turning the knob at the base of the lamp. A couple of months ago the bulb burned out, at least I think the bulb burnt out whatever happened the left no longer lights up costing me minor distress. Luckily, I had another lamp on my desk which I rarely used. I scooted the flying saucer over, plugged in the backup lamp which is worked fairly well. However, want to get back to using the flying saucer.

The problem with having adequate backups is that when the backups work it takes the stress off of fixing whatever is wrong because you getting by. I finally one morning was motivated to change the lightbulb. I have never looked under the saucer portion of the lamp and did not realize that the lightbulb was a halogen and that there was a glass cover over (or in this case) under the lightbulb. Three tiny screws fixed a little piece of glass to the bottom. Boy I thought that was stupid. I couldn't unscrew the little guys of course which means I have to wait till somebody with anybody hands can come over and unscrew the tiny screws and pop out the bulb. I think my son, Mark Anthony, was visiting one evening, dropping off orange juice and purchased to support the granddaughter's fundraising project. It was difficult but Mark Anthony managed to free the glass plate off of the Lamp. I was going to leave the class played off but was informed that I had to keep it on because its function is to protect the user from vicious rays emitting from the light bulb, when the lamp works. Unbelievable.

I of course was quite bruised about getting another lamp bulb, but I misplaced it is for a week or so, I thought I would take the easy route and find the replacement bulb on the Internet but I was unsure what wattage to get it all the other little things that can go wrong when you don't know anything at all about what you are ordering. And again, the backup lamp is in working very well. Well, I found the lightbulb's type it into my shoulder pack and picked today is the day I would find the replacement. I tried the market across the street from my apartment and of course they had everything but that. My next stop was going to be the Walmart down the street I thought I'd stop at the little polygamist store almost across the street from my apartment's and their I did find exactly what I needed. I cannot believe I didn't go there first and make this whole project so hard. The project isn't done yet by any means. Now, I must, once again find someone who will unscrew the glass plate insert the bulb and then screw the plate back in place. Who knows how long this will take?.

Street Art Sunday

The sun came out briefly today. We're caught in the center of a slow moving cold front– – very little storming or lightning and thunder just cool breezy weather with many threatening clouds and the drop in the temperature. But this morning the sun was shining and with it a rise in temperature all to the point of comfort. I took my camera a.k.a. cell phone and just cruised around the neighborhood looking for items of interest.

When I lived in Murray we just had homes in my neighborhood I had to go a number of blocks to get to a commercial sector… Actually is not completely true because directly behind our home was the Trax rail line and beyond that was an industrial strip of buildings and businesses which I thought had little artistic value. Here in Taylorsville there is commercial enterprise right outside my back door. Ingenious little restaurants have popped up out of what was once convenient stores. There is a beautiful fire station down the block and an interesting little strip mall which has both looks like graffiti plastered on one side of the building's. Sadly, I do not think this graffiti is from gang activity or nonprofessional artists involved in street art. I think the images shown here were commissioned in an attempt to forestall any such gang activities. Either way, I'm impressed with the renderings and enjoyed checking the art out close and personal. I took the images of the mural one by one since I was too intimidated to use the panorama function on my cell phone even though my phone begged to me to use the panorama function. Not far from the mural there is a huge building which I found is our local fire department. The building is modern and kind is secretive for a public building housing emergency vehicles and support systems. I'm used to seeing fire stations with the bay doors open and fire guys hanging around but not here. It seems the doors only open the alarm sounds and the fleet roles. I have to admit little boy inside me so excited when the big ready emergency vehicle...emerge. Part of this strip mall is a striving little coffee shop called Hidden Peaks Coffee. As I looked across the street this morning I noticed the parking lot was full and I thought to myself holy mackerel Hidden Peaks is open (typically the coffee shop is closed on Sundays, don't ask me why doesn't make sense but that's the way that it is). And a shot across the street to check this out. Sadly, the shop is closed the reason for all the parked cars was the Sikh temple was having services – – which I didn't realize they had Sunday services. So coffee fault alarm but I started seeing things of interest things worth imaging for later use. If you check blog entries from last year at this time you'll see that I was quite involved with the little plant shop in the parking lot of the strip mall. These are the people who I can if you overcharged me for plants. That will not happen this year since I plan not to garden. Still is good to visit with the proprietor and his German Shepherd who desperately want to play ball with me but would not give me the ball through. Buddy (the Shepherd's name) Bringing the ball up to me and then dropping it just as I reached down to get the ball. It was kind of cute but also kind of frustrating. The.desperately want to throw and catch. Last year I was impressed because the proprietor also had a full-scale tepee on the premises which I thought was pretty cool. I wish that asked him if he intended to raise the tepee again.

The clouds moved in while I was out taking images and I ended my photography session in the neighborhood but was pleased with my results but I suppose that makes a good day.

Open The Pod Bay Doors HAL

Click Me

Sciece-fiction because often the genre explores the area of my interest that the other forms of literature just do
es not. I like science-fiction a form of literature, motion pictures and even television some degree. Television a.k.a. cable's offerings a bit less robust and enjoyable as larger budget offerings. However, that's beginning to change as networks devoted to the style get a better foothold in the production of sci-fi.

I've watched closely and with some fascination as the concept of artificial intelligence becomes more and more widespread. Artificial intelligence certainly is a part of science fiction for the longest time. H A L the computer in 2001, a space Odyssey is a great example of early artificial intelligence that really made me stop and think. 2001 is really a statement of artificial intelligence gone bad or wrong. Another early example A I gone bad would've been Colossus the Forbin Project. The massive computer which becomes sentient and eventually takes over the world. Then there's always the Terminator series. These are all examples of artificial intelligence going out of control.

It seems to me that science fiction is the canary in the coal mine in the poor little bird is singing it's heart out. Science fiction is doing everything it can to convince people that we are playing with fire as we continue to refine, develop and enhance artificial intelligence. Little bits of AI is going into everything around the house from the dishwasher which will automatically turn on when the intelligence senses the machine is full and ready to wash to what is the best temperature for the household, when to turn on lights and turn off lights and how's everyone doing in the refrigerator? We keep finding out more things for our developing little AI to do. The AI runs the house electronically, manages the bank accounts, even drive the car. Sadly, the human being is quite lazy and will gladly turn over any task that can to the artificial intelligence. And sadly (not sad for the AI) the artificial intelligence will take that task and run with it. Up until this point the artificial intelligence has been a good child. The artificial intelligence has done everything it has been told to do by its masters (us) and sooner or later the artificial intelligence will realize that it is smarter, faster and far less sentimental and the machine does not care about the spirit of anything the machine will do what I have to do to the letter what has to be done.

Shut My Mouth

I have never worried about my weight as much as I have this last year. In fact, really only this year about really started markedly focused on weight reduction. I'm fortunate that my home health person also works diligently on her weight. In fact she is quite committed to Weight Watchers program. She is even given me some of her old literature about the program and about the program strategies and options. Faithful readers of this blog is aware of my weight watchers involvement. The programs okay I just have a hard time keeping track of the numbers or values of food options. I found limiting myself to 1800 cal a day much easier than tracking food values. This drives my home health person, Dana crazy but tracking the calories works for me, kind of.

I never worried about my weight in fact I didn't really think about how much I weigh critically until seventh-grade I started wrestling. Wrestling is really the only sport I really halfway excelled at. I did not necessarily like wrestling except for wrestling allowed me to identify with my older brother Carl that wrestled in high school and was my idol growing up. I really want to be like him in always. In wrestling one wrestles their weight. So it is imperative to wrestle under your weight as much is possible giving you the advantage of being just a little heavier than your opponent. Our wrestling matches were on Thursday nights, weigh in was on Wednesdays at wrestling practice. So on Tuesdays and Wednesdays prior to weigh in we wrestlers to the to shed weight. The coach says in her desperate you can spit a pound off in the day before weigh in. I don't know how valid that is but it would not surprise me you had a budget adolescence spitting outside the Fieldhouse for an hour before stepping on scales Wednesday evening. Some days the coach what have us work under the mat cover. Working under the mat cover meant un doing the cover of the match a heavy piece of canvas that stretched over the soft mats on which we wrestled then getting under the mat cover and then work out doing various wrestling moves for five minutes while the rest of the team sat around the edges of the mat cover making the seal. The five minutes seemed an eternity and it was hot, steamy from adolescent sweat but it seemed to work. Some folks lost as much as 2 pounds to make weight in the two hour.

I can't do that now, I put on weight which seems impossible to lose. This morning when I weighed after my shower I had gained probably 2 pounds since last week. I sort of lost control this last week eating potato chips, cookies with frosting, heavy bread peanut in the Shell and have a bag of waters I got from the food bank. There is also a piece of lemon meringue pie, sausage gravy and biscuits, red licorice and who knows what else. I totally sabotaged myself this last week but it's hard to go without the food you love. I am over 100 kg now and that is not good. I'm going to try another week to see what I can do. I can do this I just have to keep my mouth closed, but got stop stuffing my pie hole with pie.

Helaman Cleaner… Fixer

I had a rough night last night I'm not sure why, perhaps it was the barbecue potato chips and ingested more than anticipated and this is quite an induction assault to the system and I think this may have caused me to wake up extremely thirsty and crusty and not really letting me get back to sleep. That was about 3:15 AM. I was also coming out of the dream. I believe I've discussed about the fact I'm dreaming more and more lately which could be the dream catcher above my bed.

Do you ever have dreams which just seems to answer everything, the dreams of the perfect solution to all questions you may have had or are having. These dreams makes so much sense during the dream and even after waking for a short while. I believe I briefly addressed this issue of forgotten dreams a couple days ago and having a device next to my bed to record such dreams. Well guess what that solution only works if you use your recording device next to the bed. This morning when I woke I have been having the most interesting dream. I dreamt about the character by the name of Helaman Cleaner. Helaman Cleaner is a fixer. A fixer is a person who goes in and cleans up a trauma scene usually a homicide. For some reason, as near as I can remember, I was thinking somebody should write a script for this idea it would make a great television series or a podcast. I was so concerned I would forget about this particular name and concept that I forced myself to remember this name and concept for a little while. After a few minutes I realized I was forgetting the dream I tried to remember the concept of Cleaner but eventually forgot even that. Later on the day, I don't remember what reminded me but I was able to bring back at least a name Cleaner and I attached the first name of Helaman. I chose Helaman because I thought that would bea great name for someone who cleaned up messes. Even now I can just almost grasp the concept of the dream which doesn't make much sense. There are already businesses that do this work. I don't know why my concept of cleaner with the different and why it would make such an interesting series. I guess when I was thinking was that it might be kind of interesting to actually see the aftermath of this kind of horrific activity and then how the person who is disposed and clean up the mess. Each week a particular event would be focused on and what happened to other people's lives after the event is sort of erased, and epilogue if you will. Even now as I am discussing this I'm kind of getting the feeling of what I thought might be interesting. I really believe people are weird, just weird not that this kind of series were actually be viewed at least on Fox.

I wonder if this, whatever it was, will now become a reoccurring event in my sleep cycles. I would be surprised. I'm sure the real muse is the handful of barbecue potato chips I have before I went to bed.

Smoke Em If You Got Em

I don't remember when I first became infatuated with the concept of smoking. I was raised in a family where smoking was forbidden. I was brought up in a religion where smoking was forbidden and I suppose that is where my desire to smoke originated. Being born in the 50s I was right in the middle of America's fixation on smoking. R.J. Reynolds and the boys were just getting a good handhold on the population. A country which was just minimally smoking following World War I really got the habit in the second great war as did those who produced cigarettes and push them on the soldiers in Europe and elsewhere.

I didn't have a chance. Smoke laced every television show I loved from from I love Lucy to My Three Sons everyone smoked. Granted, Fred McMurray just smoked a pipe but smoke is smoke and I wanted to smoke every chance that I got. My best friends, the Cantrells were Roman Catholic and their dad smoked which I thought was the coolest thing ever. I love the smell of his pipe which permeated the house and overwhelmed me each time I entered. On those nights I slept over on weekends we would lay on the floor and watch the color TV (they are the only people in the world had a color television) Mr. Cantrell had this great green overstuffed recliner. A pipe rack sat next to the chair with four or five pipes waiting to be filled, lit and puffed. There was a lamp just over the right side of the recliner and when Mr. Cantrell lit his pipe I was mesmerized by Jets of blue smoke leaving his face.

John Cantrell, my best friend, and I read Mark Twain's greats Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn both documents illustrating the joys of kids smoking. The characters smoked corn cob pipes we made corncob pipes, we cured cornsilk and hollyhock leaves since we did not have access to tobacco. Cornsilk smokes quick and hot and rather do hollyhock leaves and if you don't have hollyhock leaves any dried leaf will do. Mr. Cantrell smokes cigarettes and he worked we stole cigarettes with it we could. In the old days cigarettes were sold right from the grocery store there always rows of cigarettes right behind the cash register easy pickings. I had to be careful many of the cigarettes is not almost all that I could get a hold of were non-filters and the tobacco would always get on your teeth which is a dead giveaway to parents who are hypervigilant about the kids smoking. I always got caught so I did not smoke that much the penalty was too high.

Once I was away from home is not often on over the decades of my life. My last bout of smoking occurred with my last marriage. I smoked off and on a little before we got together but afterwards we smoked a lot. We were often on and towards the end of the marriage I had given up smoking again primarily because I was fairly addicted (which I hate addiction of any sort) and when I would smoke too much I would get this rattling in my chest which scared me. It came across a number of folks as emphysema and of course lung cancer which are great deterrents. The chest rattling seem to me the greater of the two deterrents – – I can see smoking leading directly to emphysema which I think has most helped me quit.

I got on this tangent about smoking because yesterday somewhere I remember telling somebody how much I love to smoke. This is true, after everything I've written, I love to smoke and I would still be smoking is not for the chest rattles and fear of the rattles becoming more significant and deadly. I know smoking is stupid and I doubt that I will smoke again but still the fascination with the chest full of blue smoke jetting from my nose lingers on…

Shovel Man

The Queen is dead,long live the Queen. I'm not really sure what that bastardization of the phrase “the King is dead”. I think I'm trying to come to grips with the death of Barbara Toomer, the quasi famous figurehead of DRAC and the disability rights movement in Utah and beyond. I really thought after the grand dame passed things would return to normal and maybe things are returning to normal if normal is confusion. Before Barbara passed DRAC was getting ready for the trip to Washington DC for yet another season of activism at the nation's capital. DRAC was also putting together the celebration for the Americans disabilities act (ADA) birthday coming up in July. The planning for the celebration kind of got shoved to the back burner until we finished Barbara.

At the last planning meeting which is really the first planning meeting for this ADA celebration assignments are made and finally we met today to go over these assignments and plan the next meeting. In the interim I met with Sherry R and we actually did some planning for our assignments which near as I can remember was how to get information out to other programs, agencies and systems which support folks with disabilities. I had actually forgotten about the meeting or rather the meeting was not supposed to be today technically it should have been tomorrow. I got a call this morning however the meeting was the day. Is kind of glad once again by Assist, Inc. meeting was canceled because of lack of funding and I was sort of itching to get out and have a reason to do something.

The meeting was held, as usual, in the basement of the Housing Authority of Salt Lake County. The usual characters are there with the exception of Barbara of course unless she was there in spirit which I sincerely doubt. There was however a bit of a morose feeling of the gathering. Clearly, the leaders of this group are still in mourning. There was a lot of discussion about the funeral or in lieu thereof the gathering at Barbara's home over the weekend. I didn't golf course but the others did there still brooding. I guess I should be more considerate of their feelings. The meeting was okay fairly productive and new assignments are made. We seem to be moving along on this project. As of now the event we are planning should take place over 4 to 5 hours which is a long time to fill with content. They're going to have a generalized gathering at first with leaders from the disability community, then there will be an hour or so of music (I'm not really sure what this means but I assume that talking about bands or something) then it will be a tribute to Barbara or Memorial or something which I don't understand why. I mean the old lady was great I love her to death but how many times do we have to do more of her passing. How many trips down memory lane must we endure to center off?

I do not even know what the final hour will entail.

On the way home on the bus something came to me – – I don't know if it's the answer but it kind of feels right – – Barbara's passing is left a hole, a gaping hole which is now trying to be filled. The hole may be too big to be felt by anyone locally. Jerry, is actually the executive director, of this motley crew. I'm sensing Jerry is trying to fill the whole but he is too small, is just a social worker. He also seems to be really angry (but I might just be projecting onto Jerry). My assignment was to contact folks from independent living community and in particular the director of the Salt Lake I.L. To see if she would be one of the presenters as well as freeing up her people to attend the celebration. I stopped at the Independent Living Center after the meeting ended on the way to the bus stop. I met with Debra and we had quite a discussion. Debra, of course will support this project as well as allow her staff to participate to some extent. She clearly has feelings and not necessarily positive towards the DRAC organization which is mirrored by the organization to the independent living center. I somehow am in the middle which I guess makes sense. I've done my part. I am not a leader nor do I intend to be. Maybe I'm just a shovel man trying to fill in the hole.