The clock Is Taking

Blog 051818 – – Friday

When you pay someone to take care of you, by that hour you are constantly aware of the flow of time. At least I made is because I am what they called “self-pay” that is a pay for services I get out of my own pocket as opposed to having an insurance company are Medicaid pay for my attendant care services. It's hard and quite frankly a little frightening. I love my health care professional, actually the last two professionals have been fantastic! They have helped me when I needed it, the clock unreported but got me out is a very spooky if not dangerous situations.

Still the clock is ticking and I have to do everything I have to do with this professional in my one golden hour. I am sure there are times when the healthcare professional fudges a little my favor and they appreciate any help that I get. This morning I felt the pressure. Friday mornings are very important to me that I get as complete evacuation of my bowels that I can sense I will not have another bowel movement until Monday! Like I said this is quite unsettling if not frightening. Not frightening like the monster is behind you, chasing you and you keep falling down kind of frightening but the kind of frightening that you're at a  movie theater either getting ready to watch a movie or in the middle of movie and your bowels decides to to let go. So, on Friday morning I want to make sure everything comes out. It is stressful to say the least. I feel it when my professional comes in and asks how I'm doing and furtively looks at her watch.The Clock is ticking. Even though I am not supposed to bear down I do a little bit trying to promote the suppositories benefits. I do not want to stimulate any more bleeding than I need. But, the clock is ticking.

I have had a minor success and slapped the break of my chair making a brief clicking noise and my person asks if I'm finished. I say “yeah I guess I am” but I don't feel I am they of I have to get “the shore on the road”. We still have to finish cleaning me up and get dressed for my day. I don't know of it sitting longer sitting on the commode would've gotten any more “product” out. But I'm dressed and in my chair and waving goodbye to my person Monday morning. I would probably be okay. I have gotten to know the feeling of insecurity but the same time now that nine times out of 10 nothing happens. I flushed it up out of my about the get me through to the next morning and that person shows up to start the process again. If I do have and “explosive” episode called the agency and and they well send out the person encore, who will clean me up, hose me down, dress me and send me on my way. And charge me one hour golden are not.

It is Friday evening and I'm feeling at risk. I'm trying not to make any sudden moves, I listened to the gurgles, the feel uncomfortable and think this is going to be a very long weekend.