I'm anal. I don't know if that's a confession or declaration but it's the truth I just cannot let go of things therefore my life always seems to be in a clutter. That's why I so desperately need a housecleaner to at least come in and straighten things up I don't necessarily need a deep clean just a topical is all I really want.Gail, my cleaning person is still feeling under the weather and that's okay it's not like anyone's coming over are anything that I have to have a clean place. So anyway, the past couple days I've been working on filing the giant pile of mail I've received the last couple months. Last time I filed was before Christmas and Mark Anthony came over and gave me a hand. So, I figured it was time to try to put some order on this ugly knot of entropy manifesting itself by my bookcase. I rarely listen to my Amazon music streaming account but today I put on the 80s channel and specifically the Cars channel. And started to work.

Yesterday could've been Friday I went across the street to the polygamist or and purchased a plastic file cabinet. I think part of my problem has been I've been trying to use this accordion filing system And really it just made matters worse. It was so hard to find the folder to file something in that tend to give up. But today little by little I was able to find the appropriate file put in the mail which is come over the last couple months and slip it into the new holding device. I really should go over to the electronic system and not even receive paper bills anymore. But like I said, I've a hard time letting go it just seems the righteous thing to do to have a concrete copy of the bill that I've paid. I sort of like the process of writing the check out, slipping it in the envelope sealing it and stamping and then taking the whole thing down to the post box and dropping it in. I do have a number of accounts that I have set up to electronically pull the payment out of my bank account – – kind of scares me but I'm trying to get along with the new technologies. However for the time being I'm filing or trying to file. Hopefully with the new container I will do a better job.

Filing old mail like is like mining you never know what you're going to find. Like I found a couple of files that Dianne had prepared for me like my medications regimen as well as folders for purchase of my pieces of technology like power chair, electric bed and other items of minutia. I'm always amazed at how proficient Dianne is on these kind of things. She really is marvelous. I actually began throwing things away which believe me, this is a big deal. I even threw away pieces of writing and art that I've done decades ago and I never do this. I am so infatuated with myself that I never let anything I've created go but maybe I'm changing who knows? As I wandered through the files in the folding/accordion file device I found a folder titled “photos”, written in broad point felt tip pen a pulled the file out as I did numerous photos scattered to the rug. A number of images from Christmas pasts where I was Santa Claus at the Independent living centers Christmas function and there are a couple images of Dianne and myself taken outside of our house in Murray. The photo looks like we're sitting on the porch. The kind of cute sitting there together. Not that we ever had a real young appearance to ourselves(We did actually when we married we're at the beginning of middle-age and still had tinges of our youth) the images that I saw were solidly middle-age, a healthy middle-age which rendered an illusion that we would last forever in our little house made of bricks like our relationship. Sadly however this was just an illusion and even bricks will render back to their initial components of red dust. Now this is the interesting part. These items used to be something I would want to forever or until I lost them one where the other, in a move or somebody else not knowing what was in the file folder during the whole kit and caboodle away. But no, today I let go. I picked up the photos on the floor looked through one last time and toss them in the file folder into the garbage. I felt a twinge of guilt and remorse but also I felt a weight left off my chest or maybe just my heart and…moved on...