There And Back Again with apologies to Bilbo Baggins

I really thought I was going to go to a movie today. I thought as either going to go to a movie or just hang around the apartment and try to be creative. Remember, my newfound sister, Dubi Wanted to see the movie, “The Farewell” and it's a movie I'm interested in seeing too. We made contact a few times during the week but have been so busy they never discussed the issue like we should have still like texted's morning and she indicated that today she was going to the Polynesian Festival in Utah County at Thanksgiving point – – I really don't know what you call it stuff themepark per se nor is it a park or Mall. It's a place with restaurants, country/rustic theme oriented activities many of these activities are seasonal. The place is kind a huge. Anyway, I have to admit the trip to Utah County is always intimidating for me but I figured what the heck it could be fun.

We began texting around 9:45 AM and she said she would be down there 12-ish so I figured I had enough time. I really didn't go anywhere yesterday and there is less than a mile showing on my odometer so I didn't take the time to plug-in. I was hoping I had enough juice to do what I needed to do. I make contact with Utah transit Authority information and found I could get to the point of destination relatively easy. Taking heavy rail from Murray Central down to Lehi Station in Utah County. I did get and enjoyed the trip down to Utah County. It was a little spooky finding the right bus to the Thanksgiving point without is relatively simple. I was still kind of trying to work through what I was doing at a Polynesian Festival. I just want to really meet my sister don't know why that was important to me but it is and was.

I don't know how well known the phenomenon is but Utah is quite a gathering point for people of Polynesia. I suppose it has something to do with the aggressive missionary effort the LDS church focused on the islands but there's a lot of folks who were of South Sea Island descent and seemed like they were all there at Thanksgiving point in one of the huge covered shelters. There is quite a sound system going with a Polynesian couple emceeing the event. I don't mean to be negative but the whole thing was kind of trashy. Aside from the cultural phenomenon of bunches and bunches of food stalls, food tracks and information stalls they were having hula dancing contests and I'm talking major dancing contests. In fact I got the queasy feeling that calling public dancing cultural allows the local population to ogle nearly nude bodies in stereo typical coconut bras in grass skirts shimmy and shaking to thunderous drum beating. Boy with the elders having a great time at Thanksgiving point today. Anyway, I was there about 45 minutes before I started texting my sister and we eventually found each other and chatted For quite a while. We decide to get something to eat and that's what I got lost. I was horrified at one point when I thought I'd lost my cell phone. Luckily I did not and we eventually linked up when it was time to go. We visited a little bit more and decided that we would still do the movie but he could figure out a time but we had to move fast because the movies been here for some time. We said our goodbyes And I was getting a little worried as I looked at my power gauge. It seemed like I was losing power quickly which often happens when I roll over grass. As I made my way to the bus stop first and then the train station my battery indicator eventually slip from the green to the yellow and of course yellow is caution plug-in quick. I lucked out and found the bus I needed into the train station with an eye on my charger indicator and then from the train station onto the train to Murray Central then on to Route 54Which drops me off at the 217 where that bus drops me off outside of my apartment complex. I made it! I was still in the yellow I thought sure I'd be red by that point.

Was a good day. I made it there and back again I indeed felt like a hobbit, I indeed felt like Bilbo Baggins…

Ahhhh

My cleaning woman came today and know that's not a real big deal I understand and I don't know if I shared with my readers how I a decide to go to having her come every week for two hours a visit! Before I was doing every couple weeks it was only one hour. But we decided to do the two-hour thing weekly as a project more than anything else. In the meantime I got switched to a new home health person (whom I've written a little bit about) but she's really great as well. She's the one who takes it upon herself to seek out tasks around the apartment that need be done even to the point of throwing a load of wash in to the machine as she leaves help me out a great deal on the laundromat stereo. Annette, my home health person, also washes the floor in the kitchen. The point that I'm getting to is for the first time in a great while I'm going “Ahhhh! When I enter my apartment. There's still some major pieces of work that need to be considered a that's a lot up to me as far as trying to figure out how I want to reconfigure a lot of my work area. But as far as my bathroom sleeping area and kitchen and work area things are looking up. I just hope now, and that I've written about this I haven't jinxed myself. We'll see you next week when I'll have to deal with a “sub” because Annette is on vacation for the next week. As you readers know I've had some real difficult experiences with subs. In a spasm of pro-action I even called the agency to make sure they were aware that my persons on vacation I'm good in need someone to beat my needs for the next week. I got the boss, Joe, whose help me out before and he let me know is on top of the situation and in the worst-case scenario that he finds no one then he would do the job himself and that's true! He's done this with me before and he's actually one of the best healthcare providers I've ever had.

So I'm sitting in a clean apartment I have a number of meals already made in refrigerator and the pot of coffee which I made this morning and never got around to consuming. My dining room table is still a minor catastrophe as is my drawing area and I feel fine. I have an appointment 1 October for a mini course in prediabetic maintenance and as we got closer and closer to the end of the month I became more and more anxious about how I'll is going to make this class on Labor Day. I couldn't imagine them doing a class on Labor Day and then I got to thinking really thinking a a this is August? Next week is an October 1 at September 1 I have a whole month before my October 1 pre-diabetes class. I sat back in my chair, looked at my freshly mopped kitchen floor still wearing the older of Pine-Sol close my eyes and said (Ahhh!)

Dead Pool And The Slippery Sheets

My Dead Pool sheet set came in the mail couple days ago and yesterday Annette put the sheets and my bed and I was kind of excited last night when it was time to turn in but I don't know what happened or what it was but for the life of me I was having a hard time keeping my legs tucked underneath me the way to sleep. Oh, there's always a bit of a battle when I first laid down as my body gets used to a new position in my leg spasm I have to bring them up in search them and position but usually, especially when I'm tired, I'm able to get right to it get the legs squared away and get my sleep on. Last night, I wasn't in pain… I don't know. I'm wondering however if possibly the answer is the new sheets. My Dead Pool sheets. They are pretty slippery it seems anyway. Also, had a hard time working with the blankets. Now I know Annette made the bed yesterday she did a good job but I'd nearly lost all the sheets and blankets down the rabbit hole on the other side of the bed and is trying to get situated for the night. I wrestled with the sheets all night long, it felt like I didn't sleep at all though I must've slept a little bit here and there.

I don't know if this is the symptom of cheap sheets. And it's not like there used sheets or anything think there about like 23 bucks for a fitted sheet the top sheet and the pillowcase that standard I believe. Though I know is that they are slippery and I'm wondering if this somehow had an impact on me not being able to sleep well during the night. The morning was challenging that don't know if that was Halo effect from the night before. But for the second time this week something on my chair snagged on to the wooden sanctuary area keep next to my bed that I keep leg bags, phone charging apparatus power strip with all my things plugged in, catheters, slick and everything else I think that a need for the night. I think it might've been one of the bags. And if I use the bags during the night fill them with piss they are hanging on the wooden structure as well. I tie a loop on the end of the bags when I make them some I've given more length than others and I believe it's on some the long ones that they sometimes get caught on some of the edges of my chair. Fortunately, neither of the bags of urine exploded which I'm totally grateful. Earlier in the week when this happened I think I ran over the one bladder because there is no urine left in the bag when I finally got myself unhooked. The miracle is I never did find a wet spot on the carpet and there has been no bizarre odors. I'm getting good at setting me apparatus backup on its upright position and throwing the stuff back into the different boxes. On the different shelving. I would like to have a better system but for the time being sometimes you just have to go with what you got…

Just Pass The Gas, Bozo

Sometimes I really believe in becoming an adult, sometimes. I don't know if I like this experience but I'm going through it one of the grand issues I'm dealing with are perhaps have dealt with was my inordinate fear of the whole dental process. The paralyzing fear of oral pain caused by the dentist. As I've written in the past I would start freaking out literally weeks before the scheduled appointment of fear something happening was in the chair. But since my stenosis operations things are changed perhaps it's just the amount of medical/dental involvement which is coming to my life but I'm not afraid anymore than some would say look forward to taking care of my oral needs. The good of told me this a year ago and I would've not believed you. Perhaps it's the Dr. I have Dr. Anderson (no reference to Matrix please ) Have gotten to know this guy better than ever known any other dentist I've had. I don't know why this make a difference but it kind of does.

My appointment was for 9 AM which I figured was a good number. Even that was a little late but I had a great experience with Annette, my home healthcare person who didn't have anywhere else to go following getting me up and showered so Annette wanted to hang around for an hour and do housework/cleaning. She had a 9 AM appointment so she actually gave me an hour of work and nice she is. Anyway, I couldn't wait around the apartment much longer with nothing to do and I didn't want to get involved in anything that would take me having to pull myself away like a word puzzle, person reading so I decided just to go over to the dentist office. I was a half hour early but they took me in and put me in a room I had never been in before. We always have to be careful when they put me in a room specially a new one that we have enough room for Dr. Anderson to get around in (hey you know something funny I'm Mr. Smith It is kind of matrix thing – – that's pretty funny). I really like his staff they really like me and take good care of me which I really appreciate. I was impressed Dr. A was running a full house today all three chairs were full. The chair they put me in is actually a fourth chair that they rarely used in the back is kind of cool. I just sat back and enjoyed listening to the staff and other folks getting the drill. Cindy, one of my favorites, was told to start prepping me and she asked if I wanted nitric oxide. For some reason that I think under normal circumstances I would not but I was feeling so persecuted about my tooth and having to pay for more dental intervention they said what the hell, “yeah Cindy give me the gas”. She smiled at me and gave me a link and put the nose piece on my face and I inhaled deeply. The guesswork quickly and before long I was trying to take an image for a Facebook posting. I was impressed with what I look like with my.I did not have the flanging red hair are the oversize shoes but if the nitric oxide nose piece had been red eye indeed look like a clown. Some days you just gotta give yourself a break and today was my day for the gas, just give me the gas…

Cool As A Cucumber

I processed the watermelon today. Seriously, that's the big thing I did today will actually that's not true, I did go up to the corner across the street and canvassed the drugstore for thermometers – – remember my sojourn the other day to the Insta care. I got one not the top-of-the-line and not the ear thermometer the physician recommended because ear thermometers are much accurate . As I mulled over the many options of thermometers at the pharmacy I realized that I know when I'm hot I know that I'm running a temperature. I don't have to be accurate not too much anyway just when my temperatures over 98.6.

I woke up and realized that I felt pretty good as I busied myself around the kitchen. In fact I didn't even remember the fever thing until I was halfway through making coffee. Then I realized it felt like the fever was gone and I decided not to trek back to the Insta care for another injection but I felt that if nothing else I need to have access to a thermometer. I am so cheap I even cause I brought up my need for thermometer at one of the impromptu groups that start around here nobody took the bait however and perhaps that's just as well.

I of course gravitated to the least expensive versions of body temperature measurement. I was really quite surprised to not find any of the old type Mercury thermometers, you know the kind that your mom used to stick in your mouth and your tongue when you're going to have to be silent for X amount of minutes. I guess they don't commonly have those at least at pharmacies anymore. I did find some on the Internet but I'm too impatient to wait for it to get here. I got a cute little unit that's flexible and good for oral, under the arm and rectal though I think I'll just keep it for oral. The thermometer cost me like $15 and byI rights should've only cost behalf of that because I was buying was half price. I was so proud of myself at the time I got through the check stand that I didn't even register the fact that I had paid full price for the thermometer. I did notice until I got back to the apartment and had the product opened in the taken my temperature and eyes at a cool 97.6. Is no justification for throwing away seven a half dollars but it's exactly what I did. So now I have my cute little thermometer tucked away into a little space on my medical supply shelf. And it's not that I want to be sick but kind excited for the next time I start feeling sore and have a slight headache and the uncanny desire to pay double the price for something that I want.

It's late August now, it's just a little after 8 PM and it's almost dark. The adolescents and other punks are over at the skateboard park getting ready to do their night ride and I'm snacking on what's left of the processed watermelon. I put most of it in one of my steel bowls and covered it up and put it in the fridge and left a bit for snacking before I go to bed. I figure I need to just as much liquid as possible because of the extra meds I'm taking you know for the infection…

I Don't Want No Sepsis

I was up super late last night, Well, not really up I was somewhere in between I was laying in my bed listening the traffic on redwood road. My door to my patio is open all summer long are my window is and I can hear the traffic and I'm just amazed how much traffic is active during the nocturnal hours . The time is about 2:15 AM and an old friend of mine had just texted something to me, you know when the bell rings and you know something's been texted you have to make decisions that do I take the time to read this text or is it just one of 1 million that she sent out to everybody on her list or what ? It seemed a bit more personal than usual so I sent some hearts and kisses back immediately wondering if that was to informal. I didn't hear any more from her during the night but by then I was pretty much awake. My muscles are sore, I've had a low-grade headache for the last couple days I finally realized after something wrong with me that I need to get it checked out. I think I know what it is to raging bladder infection and the only thing I can do is head to my local DOC IN THE BOX and get this thing cleared up. I'm feeling lousy. I was pleased to find there was a IMC Insta care just like around the corner well to little bit more than around the corner but it's on Route 47 which is easy enough to link up since the goes into the the college where I can pick it up at and that's what I did. I'm always a little spooked in picking up a new Insta care type service, they just so overwhelmed with me in my lifestyle. My Insta care actually has a service to where you can reserve a time to when you're going to be there and they will save the space and time. I figure that I wasn't worth the energy and I just showed up. All kinds of questions did I catheterize?, Do I have a urine bag of some sort? How did I get there? Do I drive? I was debilitating, I was dizzy and I really kind of wanted just to rest. But soon they shoveled me off to a room that was big enough to handle my chair – – that was one of the things they were searching for hastily. I was so out of it I didn't even see them take my vitals and has run a temperature of 101 degrees! A great little Asian DocWas my treating physician and I really like to this kind of old-school the kind really scares you he warned me I should be careful what I had returned asepsis really easily and then I would Die! Like I said I like this guy is a take charge, kind of guy and gave me an injection right there as well as gave me a prescription which I could fill. The heavyweight around in the exam room for half an hour after the injection to make sure everything was okay and then turn me loose for the pharmacy. I got my meds and decided I would take myself out to eat at Popeyes which of course only made me miss Dianne and all her Louisiana stuff. I got to surf and turf diet Dr Pepper and headed home. I didn't have enough time I didn't really peel like I should've and so had a meltdown sort of before I got on the bus but I hit it pretty well went home and dried out. Even though I still have a bit of a hangover from the early headaches and feeling better already. I've got a score a thermometer somewhere though. The doc wants to know if I have a fever tomorrow if I do I get another shot. The hurt a little bit but not too bad. I just hope none of this will be a problem with the dental stuff I've got coming up on Wednesday…

Looking For Larry

 Crown Victoria hardtop (Larry had a ragtop – convertible) 

Does the Internet frustrate you? The Internet certainly frustrates me more often than not. I suppose if I took the time to really understand the workings of all the search engines, mechanisms and other items of assistance by frustration would not be so great that this evening and had some major frustrations as I searched for a friend of mine who I will call Larry Green. Larry was just a little bit older than I was, Maybe a year at least one grade older. The main reason that I knew Larry was that he was in my ward (again the reader is constant will recognize that name from older posts about the Saturday night dance). So even though I was not of been part of Larry's universe in school or even on the bus ride home I rubbed elbows with him in/on my Sunday meetings. The green slipped even further south and east and Boise Avenue than we did. They did live on a farm or anything just a small cute little house at the end of a rather long road. Larry as well as his family was quiet unassuming and diligent as Mormons go. The dad's name is Lloyd was an elder of course and I think he worked in construction. He had a great weatherbeaten face which was always tanned even in the dead of winter. Lloyd smiled a lot and the only shook your hand but he was kind of reticent and was always in the back which is all right with me I thought that was a a positive compared to some of the other personalities of our ward. You could tell Lloyd was just a great and good, solid fellow much as my dad. I wish they'd been friends more than they were. One of the most significant things about Larry was that he actually had a vehicle, a car and more importantly a cool car. I know the vehicle was a Ford and am positive the vehicle is a Crown Victoria probably around 1955 to 1957. I've spent at least two hours of this weekend searching the Internet for these vehicles. Oh and did I mention the Crown Vic was also a ragtop! How cool is that? Larry, much like his dad was quiet, nice and unimposing. It seems I remember going to the Saturday night dances with Larry before I had my accident just because we both lived in the same part of town and it was no big deal for him to swing by and pick me up. It's now been more than 50 years since I have had dealings with Larry Green. And like to know what happened to him and his family. I would like to know more about the Crown Victoria. It was a beautiful blue and white two-tone with a black convertible top everything an adolescent boy could ever want. I spent the two hours searching everything I knew how to trying to locate my friend. I might put a search out on some of the Boise Facebook groups to see if anyone knows. Larry was smart hope he went to university will be sidestepped the Vietnam War and the LDS mission and found the life and wife he truly deserved. I'm not sure exactly the year of his vehicle if I find out I'll update this blog posting also going to default to us to 1955 I think image I found of the Crown Victoria…

Dead Pool, Mickey D and Other Guilty Pleasures

I live in a senior housing project. Those who have followed this blog over the years know that. I am blessed however because even though these apartments are for senior living there quite large as far as I'm concerned. I'm fortunate to have room to keep my backup power chair along with my manual chair (of course folded) and some storage not much. I don't quite remember when yesterday day before was targeted one of the other residents (resident sound so geriatric living) or neighbors and we were discussing how wonderful/grand it would be to have a washer dryer inside our unit. Seriously, I'm sure this is one of those issues of first world problems. After all, we have a suitable laundry area at the end of the hall… All the way to the end of the hall. This should be a major problem if all I had was my manual chair but with the power chair is no big deal really. And I can do everything independently which is a blessing And recently my home health person, Annette has started doing my laundry into the washer and then into the dryer when she has free time when I'm processing through my morning bowel routine leaving me only having to the dry close at the end of the cycle. So seriously, do I need washer dryer in my apartment? Of course the answer is yes if I could get away with it I would try to make a place to put a washer dryer stack are whatever I need in the apartment here. Just seem civilized to be able to throw load into the washer and then into the dryer in the comfort of your own home/apartment. Of course that's not going to happen but if we can do wishes that would be one of mine

I've gotten quite proficient at cutting watermelons. I like processing the watermelons almost as much as eating them. I spent a couple hours on YouTube and was fascinated to see how many different people had posted ways to cut watermelon. I like the method where the cut the end off the melon so you have a way to stand up and then methodically cut the sites off leaving a a rectangle of watermelon fruit without the outer rind. I then enjoy cutting off planks of watermelon than cutting them into strips and putting them into plastic boxes into the fridge. The watermelon's always available, cold and manageable to eat preferably with sharp cheddar. I've done quite a few militants a season and will be sad in the fall gets here in the watermelons vanish for a short season. I think watermelon is my favorite fruit.

Guilty pleasures: yesterday I followed through with a fantasy I've messed with the last couple years special with the advent of the Marvel franchise and Spiderman, Iron Man and of course Dead Pool. My cleaning person was here and we change the sheets to my bed and she noted that the one sheet is getting pretty ratty and she's having to figure out how to place the sheet on the mattress so the ripped places don't show through. I decided I was going to order twin bed sheets with my favorite Marvel characters starting with Dead Pool. I think it was about $24. I still want to order Spiderman and Ironman eventually. I'm also going to get a comforter with the images on the think would be great. My sheets should be here tomorrow. I went shopping for watermelon today and since I was by McDonald's and I had not had lunch I ordered my favorite McDonald's burger cheeseburger. It was a dollar three and I loved it. Guilty pleasures

Hidden Peaks

Coffee shops that close at 2 p.m. are not worthy of the name coffee shop. Hidden peaks is just such a coffee shop but I love the place anyway and always well. Because you see Hidden Peaks is kind of my third-place, you know that place Ray Oldenburg talks about the place is not home or the workplace but a place which is neutral in between. I think the third-place is a great concept. The third-place became much more important to me after my last divorce. I really didn't have a home to invite anyone to. I mean I've got place, the apartment, here at this senior housing project. But as the description I just wrote implies “senior housing project”. I'm not ashamed of the place it's just I don't have anywhere to have people when they come over not that I've really had anyone come over. And no longer have a workplace so that's that but I do have hidden peaks which would be a great third-place except for as the introduction to this blog says Hidden Peaks close at 2 PM! 2 PM!? A couple weeks ago my buddy Lori, Lori is my writing buddy, acting buddy, confident buddy, my FB And Facebook buddy. We often meet for lunch and to discuss various projects, traumas and gossip that seems to surround us in our lives. Lori wanted to meet a couple weeks ago to discuss such a project and she naturally wanted to meet at the coffee shop. The only problem is you want to meet at the time I think like 5 PM and I had inform her that summer hours for Hidden Peaks coffee shop is 8 AM to 2 PM. I couldn't believe it when I read the sign on the door illustrating the new times. I had to inform Lori that we wouldn't be meeting at the coffee shop we defaulted to Village Inn – and I don't really hate the Village Inn by think it's immoral to force patrons to buy a whole tumbler/pot of coffee when they just want a cuppa Joe. Not only do they close at 2 PM on Saturday the night open on Sunday! What kind of place which specializes in coffee does not open on Sunday mornings? Kind of un-American if you ask me which is kind of a joke because the whole place is kind of redneck. The only station on their flat-screen TVs and around the shop is Fox news. It's kind of fun to go there on Saturday mornings after 8 o'clock to have quite a redneck crew and yes I mean that a little disparagingly. There's a couple of tables which are pushed together to make one large table that the main group sits at and goes over the topics of the day usually an item covered by Fox news which means it's usually something around Trump or one of his latest tweets. It's entertaining is is always one liberal sitting at the table at least is not afraid to speak his mind things rarely get contentious to the point where people stopped talking and move away from each other but there is a light boil of tension around the tables. Sometimes I pick a table close to the Fox table just to listen but usually I just grabbed by Java and head out back to the apartments. Sadly, Village Inn, Is as conservative as Hidden Peaks but at least they stay open past 2 PM and they are open on the Sabbath should we ever need to meet on the holy day.If there is a court of clichés would certainly bring charges against Hidden Peaks in the fact that they had the balls to refer to themselves as a coffee shop. I'd strip them of that designation and find them for every Sunday they are not open…

Lost In The Stacks

1969  BSU Library 

When I was at university I was fortunate enough to land a job with the University of the dubious title of Work Study. I was in school in the 70s and I don't know how work-study is officiated today but in the old days it was a giant CCC program. I don't know if you heard those stories about how during the depression the CCC program was set up to provide a way for men “to earn/work”their daily bread. The famous example comes to mind where one day a group of workers dug a ditch all day long and the next day they filled the ditch up. Work-study was a program which you are found eligible and given a sum of money but had to “work” for the funds. I had to work-study positions at Boise State University the best and most interesting was working as assistant Dean of disability affairs. My direct supervisor was the Dean of men at the University Dean Wilkinson my other work-study position that I had during the summer when school is not in session was working at the Boise State University library. What a great place! Myself along with item now 30 or 40, maybe even more students were all on different levels of work-study. My most pitiful position at the library work-study was sitting just outside the doors to the main library just down from the checkout station. My job is to make sure no library books “walked” out. They actually wanted me to challenge people coming out of the library and go through their backpacks to make sure the volumes were properly checked out what a joke. I was only on this position two hours a day the rest of the day I spent either working behind the counter actually checking books out are fetching books from the reference room and answering the phone. There was always about five of us work-study folk wandering around the checkout area. But things got to slow we were sent up the floors to read stacks. Essentially this was a busy work assignment. Essentially you are being told to “get lost” for a couple of hours. The concept was you were to check out, “read” the spines of each book in the stacks to make sure the books are in proper order as to the Dewey decimal markings on the back of the books. It's hard to say how many man hours were spent/are spent reading the stacks checking things out.

I kind of liked being banished to the stacks. This is where I found the oversized books! Usually when one thinks of oversized books they are thinking of coffee table books, beautiful compilations of images sandwiched between book covers with a little bit of text/sometimes a lot of text but usually beautiful images from everything of Zulu tribes Of Africa, everything , biology to geology as giant oversized beautifully imaged volumes. These lives are usually too big for the library shelves and often laid their side. In the arts section there are huge oversized books, prints of woodcuts and other agent images from the Middle Ages to the present day of age. Books like Dante's Inferno , The Illustrations of Machiavelli, Even Grays Anatomy(Though technically not an oversize book or an ancient volume, you gotta love grays anatomy for all of its artwork).I was always fascinated to see the copyright dates of like 1850 and such I guess they were not old enough or explicit enough to warrant their being head and quarantined in Special Collections. What a great way to spend a hot summer afternoon than being lost in the air-conditioned stacks of university library and being paid for it.

I haven't spent too much time trying to figure out the symbolically laden images of oversize books in my dream but there is something there that have not been able to quite contained in this writing. It's the whole gestalt of the dream and I am sure the meeting is deep and wonderful I've just not been able to figure it out so it's back to the pillow in a few hours for some more research and oversized books and library dreams.

Dream A Little Dream Of Me…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j6TmogXhOZ8

I just started a new thing last week or so. Since a lot of dreams happen just before one wakes I've been interested in trying to keep not necessarily a journal but a record of some of these dreams because more than once these movies of my unconscious have ended up being blog entries. I'm doing is somewhat out of desperation because every time I either think of something are just dreamt something in a lying in bed thinking well I'll remember that when it comes time to blog but you know what I just get frustrated and never can remember. So now, since I sleep with my cell phone next to me anyway, I'm going to make an effort when I think of something our dream of something I'm going to roll over open up my InkPad NotePad software which I use for all my notetaking, then dictate the ideas I am having. The only drawback is trying to make sense of my writing a couple hours later when I wake for the day. Many times, I have to rack my brain and try to remember what I was thinking about at 2:17 AM. Case in point the other day I had been texting my old friend DTM and we had been talking about a lot of the people in our old religious unit, the Ward. What a hoot anyway so later on that night or maybe it was the day after I had some kind of a dream which I think I'm going to include the entirety that I wrote just to show you how bizarre it sounded when I reread the creation. Sometimes it works sometimes I'm hoping to get some good stuff. “I just woke from a dream they[the dreams]'s danced all themselves, our friends[were] in some young version of our[a younger] lives[we were all living] together[and] somehow we developed a computer company and mrs. Dolls just coming home from a work thing or a trip [and] Dennis [was going to have to tell her about the business that's [was] going to freak her[because of the rampage Mr. doll elicits] out so we're trying to figure out how to go about doing… it it's not really a blog title item but just want to write it down for I forgot anything more very happy days type of dream.” So you can see trying to write down something understandable immediately following a dream is a crapshoot at best of getting something usable but actually it's kind of fun as I'm writing out this post. I'll be interested in seeing what else this new project of mine might render.I can't help this but we talking about weird things that could happen in a dream. But this is a piece of news, national news, and that is: the guy wants to buy or take over Greenland! Seriously, this is something that can only come from a rattled, drug-induced dream but you know what? It's real. These are crazy times causing crazy nights causing crazy dreams.

Me !

No Assist,Inc. Advisory board meeting today so I have been able to stay home and work on projects round the apartment. In truth, I've worked basically on one project and that's the upcoming minimal family reunion that I'm sort of generating. As I've said before, have no one to blame but myself if the project goes South but really how can this fail except for we don't get together. And I still think someone's going to get together one or the other of the party started the planning with the number of individuals taking part I'm just the tip of the spear. In fact I was kind of dismayed this morning when I finally went down and spoke with the manager the building to see if the common room was available for Saturday, September 28 and someone actually has the room reserved. This is difficult to believe but such is life. No big deal really. Again I don't envision a lot of participation of these for this first event and actually I'm hoping that the weather will hold and we can use the park next door and take over one of the pavilions for the evening are afternoon a however we work out this event. I have to admit I'm kind of excited. I be interested to see how this minimalist reunion turns out.

What really made my day today however was a comment made on one of my posts to my Facebook account. I made a comment yesterday about rethinking my decision as far as taking the basic drawing class this fall. And a friend of mine, from the old days, made the simple comment “what inspires you”. What a delightful question! I plan not to get all syrupy and drippy and stuff but I think life in general inspires me and I know that's pretty global but still. When I began thinking there is just too many things individually to choose just one. I think if I had to choose one (and this is what I serve labored at in my reply to Carla's comment) Is the seemingly endless ability for the human individual to pick itself up by its proverbial bootstraps and go on living. It just not folks for spinal cord injury, like myself, but all the other disabilities as well as people who are targets of divorce, abuse on all levels, people who survive every imaginable challenge yet get themselves eight hours sleep, hot meal and a brand-new day And these individuals are able to get back into the game and take the next step whatever life might be.

I'm going to sit by my decision to not take the class, even though today I'm feeling much better than I did yesterday, I know it's fleeting that taking the responsibility this late in the afternoon 530 to 7:30 PM is just way too much for me to handle after a full day's consciousness. Perhaps in the spring and I will try to find a course that's offered earlier in the day even if I have to give up one of my other commitments. Because ugly as it may sound to say”What inspires you” I have to say the best answer for me is “me”!…

Letting Go Dream

For a split second I really thought I could do it. Yesterday I was delighted when I received a call from Mark Anthony indicated he was in that area of the apartment and was it okay if he dropped by and of course I said yes. I must confess I was a bit self-serving, not letting on to Mark at the time of the call that I needed some assistance in some emergency chair repair and the possible effects on an idea on my outside porch/patio.

Yesterday morning when I tumbled into my power chair and tried to fix my wheelchairs left arm to the chair . There is/was plastic latch On the base of the seat of the chair which when pressed locks the arm in the chair so I can use it to pull myself up to a sitting position through the day. Well number of months ago I broke a lever but there's enough left to move the latch in and out I was okay but somehow I had finally managed to destroy the last partition of the latch in the arm would not stay fixed. This was a bit of a pain I could get by until Monday I suppose and try to find a replacement lever but since I had the backup chair which is essentially the same chair I was hoping that it had an intact lever and when Mark checked it out indeed it did and it was relatively easy to pull that piece off and replace the broken piece on my chair and is back in business. Problem solved! Happy face. In the process of the repair I mentioned to my son that I didn't really plan on taking a class this semester. I was as amazed at how crestfallen he seemed that I wasn't going on with my senior education career. This made me think well if Mark is bummed out what will the rest of my public feel? I was quite frankly amazed at how many people supported me in my efforts. So this morning I woke and thought “why not take the next class which I assume is ' Basic Drawing'. I had been eyeing this class sense I finished the last. To be honest besides the physical rigor of dragging my equipment back and forth the class I didn't register because I really didn't know how even though I somehow figure it out last semester. So once again I tried to do it online and could not do it and called the Registration Help Line who tried to help me out but couldn't figure it out either just asked me to come in which I did and soon I was registered me to go.

I was pumped, no question about it, the college was abuzz with students prepping for the new year. The register's office is in the student center where the cafeteria, bookstore and other stuff resides. There's lots of young folk run around lots of energy and it felt great. The only class I could get was offered on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 5:30 PM to 745 PM! Really, that's a long time at the end of the day and not because I'm old but maybe because I AM old. I just cannot see myself schlepping all my stuff between my apartment and the art class and back in the late afternoon to early evening. I also dealing with the problem of my butt feeling a little bit sensitive. I need to be relaxing and almost getting pressure off my backside after being up all day. I just can't see it so I'm going to drop the class tomorrow I guess when I figure out how to do that. I'm sure there's a process I'm sure I'm not the only one. Now if I can only push myself to keep drawing in my little apartment studio…

Sunday' s Miracles

I'm really trying to stay upbeat and focused on doing the best that I can but this morning when I got up I noticed that the latch that secures the arms the left side has broken off completely now and I don't know what I'm going to do except for hang out till tomorrow and see if I can get some emergency assistance on this chair again. This thing is just falling apart but I am pleased to have what I have. I don't want to cannibalize my backup chair anymore that I have to. I could get by it'll be a convenient and a pain in the ass but I can get by since my scoliosis pushes me over to the right anyway not the right side were in Jeopardy I've been problems but I do have to use this left side to pull myself up at times but I lift it up and down so I can get in and out of bed life is such a pain, actually life's not, life is a gift it's a way to grow and I'm so excited to have my part in it for as long as I can.

I wrote this soon after rising this morning. It certainly does have a flare of discouragement to it but let me now reveal to you the rest of the day. I soon figured out that I could get along pretty good as I indicated earlier it's just a pain in the butt having to reset the left side of my chair all the time. But I got my coffee and made my breakfast and got on with my day. I really wanted to use new charcoals that I purchased last couple days and use my new clipboard. I put things in order to maybe sketch a little bit in fact I did sketch a couple of quick portraits with the soft charcoal. This was a bit of a challenge in that soft charcoal does not stay on the page very well. But I got a couple images done. It felt like I was accomplishing something but I yet still had to do a cryptic quote or two. I decided I went out on my patio and using my old broken clipboard I was able to make a makeshift desk to work in the outside it turned out wonderful. I have an option. My cell phone rang and I was not able to take the call because the phone was in the bedroom by the time I got to the bedroom the calls over but it was from Mark Anthony so I returned the call. Mark was in the area one stop by and I said sure. The visitor mark be most welcome. Well Mark arrived a few minutes later In the course of our visiting I mentioned the problem with my chair. Long story short we did cannibalize the back of chair and fortunately the piece on that chair fits this chair perfectly in the problem my day was solved then with zip ties and block of wood we built a ledge on the railing of my patio making a perfect place to rest my sketch board on for sketching as well as doing crypto quotes.

It's been a great day. All my problems that I was whining about earlier solved whether it is the the strength of family or more mystical divine intervention I've got a working chair and a place to relax on my porch for the rest of the summer and into the fall. I think this day is kind of a miracle and that's all I'm going to say…

TBGO

One of the most important songs of my youth was a piece by Sonny and Cher called “The Beat Goes On”. This piece of music is released as far as I can ascertain January 14, 1967, roughly 6 months following my life-changing accident. Sonny and Cher were a bizarre little couple that were begin to make significant waves on TV and the radio. The good doctors of the Elk's Rehabilitation Center Felt that I had achieved is much rehab in the inpatient setting as I was going to get And turn me loose to return home and return to school. As I've rehearsed before I was only allowed to go to school half days. I guess what I'm saying is that there is a lot of car time for me and I, as an adolescent, controlled the radio and so is always listing to the local rock station KFXD. It seemed “The Beat Goes On” Was being played constantly. If I wasn't hearing it on the radio in the Ford station wagon I would be hearing it on Smothers Brothers television program or the Dick Clark Show the song was everywhere Even the Saturday night dance which I returned to as soon as I could figure out Transportation options.

As much as the piece was played in the mid-60s it was a little later on that I was most taking by a variation on the theme. I called it voices of history-the beat goes on. That obviously was not the title of the piece because I've been searching for it on the Internet and so far I have come up blank. It's a great piece of audio where the piece is played with snippets of great historical orations take place. I wish I could find that piece on the Internet, it's got a be there. I think it's got voices of Edison when he turns on the electric light for the first time, FDR's Pearl Harbor speech, I think some part of the speech at the close of World War I, JFK's “ask not…” Speech. Very interesting tapestry of sounds spliced in with the music. I listen to it in the dark with headphones and it's almost spooky if you “fall” deep enough into the piece. I wish I could remember or find who produced this piece I'd like to listen to it again. But I digress up sorry whole point is the beat goes on, nothing stops the beat, the heartbeat of life. I don't know if the beat is supposed to be the collective heartbeat of humanity are the heartbeat of time itself always going on never ceasing never stopping. Maybe this metaphor is what I've been struggling with the last couple of months realizing the beat goes on it never stops even when I'm gone the beat goes on.

I'm in one of those weird Saturday night moods, I suppose you can tell. The B-52s had a concert yesterday at one of the local venues. I was almost seriously considering finding a bus route that would take me to the venue and more importantly be around to take me back. Like I said “almost” the price the tickets with $77 to start. I wish I wasn't so cheap I probably could actually afford this but I just cannot justify that much money go to a concert. But I really do like the B-52s but so much money and the beat goes on…

Dennis The Menace Part Deux

How do you separate your history from yourself? Of course the answer is you cannot. Because your history is you everything has happened to you to this second is what makes you you right now. I'm not trying to be heavy this Friday night but I had a most stimulating conversation with my buddy Dennis the Menace this afternoon. My friend from my deep history whose paths entangled For a couple years then split for decades. D T M oddly is one of the few people who really keyed into me in my youth but we were both strange and our own ways and perhaps that's best but sure is great linking up now. It's kind of crazy it's like I'm reading the script of a movie are possible movie. I with one of the only people I know who could help write the script to produce the movie that I would want to see which should be just bizarre enough that a large portion of the population would also want to see.

The characters of our youth are so colorful we can barely contain them in the bland reality of the lives we live now. Truly: a used/new car salesman who also are religious leader, a mad Englishman, a salesman were earned a golden plated Kirby vacuum cleaner for selling 1000 vacuums in one year, I post adolescent Vietnam Army deserter shipping out to Canada, a Canadian green card holder armed robber shipping off to Vietnam these would all be characters in the movie which could only be written by Tarantino. I would pay money to read the book and see the film. The best part would be when the film winds up and you see what happens now to each of the characters. In fact even better would be out each of the characters would spin off their own TV or Internet series of how their lives were lived and how they turned out. Man! That would be great viewing. Trouble is people and watch like buying liquor from a state liquor store, you know clandestinely sneaking views like carrying out glass bottles in brown paper bags like people won't know what's in the wadded up paper sacks. He never know the brand of liquor just that it's booze and it's an escape just the same you never know what the miniseries is about except that it's about the life experience of an unbelievable person from an unbelievable time.

I'm totally wowed by the volume to the point that I want to see volume 2 what happened next. Volume 1 is kind of a cliffhanger. The reader assumes the writer survives and evolves into middle age and old age respectively. You want to know how he did it, is the magician “nothing up my sleeve” he reaches in the hat and pulls out a life or lives of great potential and great quality. Like any expert in maturity he makes the exercise look easy like rolling off a log and turned his face to the sun and squinting and hugging his wife and daughter while walking into the California sunset. I'm not going to promise that this is the end of the DTM Chronicles I just got a get over my my new case of hero worship which is been the high point of my summer… Thanks DTM you're the best.

Summer's Book Report

I finished my buddy, Dennis The Menace's book today. The volume was a quick read even for me at just a little more than 100 pages but it was a good read and I want to thank my friend for sharing this part of his life with me. The only drawback was that it did not have a publication date which I don't really like to is seen which also means that it was only part of his life, the first part.If someone would only pick up the volume and read that they might be somewhat dismayed at such a sad life but I know that Dennis is life had an upswing in a positive turn and that he continues to live and be fulfilled as far as I can see. I wish Dennis much happiness in the life he has now.

I found his volume brutally honest, discussing his life and times. I'm certainly glad I was part of his life and that he was part of mine. I apologize for not being a better friend. I realized now that I did not correspond with him at all during his mission nor did I support them at all during the time that he was in the military and I could then both easily. I didn't mean to but I dropped (I know a better term for it) a lot of my friends at that time as I was involved in my survival and rehabilitation from the motorcycle wreck. People didn't know how to deal with me and I guess I really didn't know how to deal with them. But thank goodness for all involved wife goes on and you have to make do with what is ever served up on your plate. I really enjoyed Dennis is honest approach to how he saw his life. I would've greatly enjoyed Dennis developing the relationship between he and his father and that desolate dry farm in Mayfield Idaho. Dennis is absolutely right however his father LT was a work of art. I thought he was a general authority he scared the fire out of me. LT remind me of my grandfather only my grandfather was a lot nicer and genuinely seem to love his grandchildren in a distant certain way.

My friend now lives in Southern California and I think he is now retired. He has a family and a fine wife and is surviving now to what we can fairly say is an old age. Though however I sort of always thought of him as an old guy. I wished he could have had a childhood in the better adolescence but he didn't do too bad at least he survived. I look forward to spending more time with him via text and occasional visits hopefully. I've always enjoyed visiting with Dennis, he is a fellow who is not afraid to tell it like it is.

In a side note: I think I'm going to let the drawing class slide for semester and maybe take up Basic Drawing in January if not next summer over summer semester. Hopefully I will make it till then…

Dennis The Menace

I don't know if apathy is the right word but I'm getting somewhat indifferent to going down to the mailboxes every day and checking my mail. In fact yesterday was the first time I have checked mail this week and that's only because I'm expecting some income verifications Which I must render once a year about this time to see if I can influence positively my rent. It's a tedious assignment and one that I am pleased when I'm finished. So, I was surprised to find not only a bottle of medication (which I forgot was coming) but also a package for my buddy Dennis who lives in California. I think I somehow in the back of my mind remember Dennis at texted me something about the documents he was sending my way but I honestly had forgotten all about the notification.

I was astonished and delighted to find a copy of his personal history which she actually has documented and appears to have published. The document is concise and compact probably less than 150 pages but totally documented, footnoted and even has a bibliography. Total professional.

I believe I've written about Dennis before in this blog was my best friends in the early adolescence. I don't know why I was drawn to Dennis except for he was a bit like me a bit of a loner and borderline strange. He lived in my religious community called award the way out on the outskirts of the Ward. It was only 16 miles from the city limits but seemed like it took an attorney to get there. I actually went to his home a couple times to spend the night, a sleepover. It was a very rural setting what they call a dry farm basically raising wheat with no irrigation depending on the Lord for water. Dennis is book is quite enlightening. The picture I came away from my visits to the place was a very focused business operation with combines and Mack trucks and kids working as indentured servants as many LDS kids seem to be.

Dennis was smart, too smart for his own good in a lot of ways. It seemed like my company and we liked James Bond, the Man from uncle and other reality escapes so desperately needed by adolescent males. Remember does a lot before my accident but seems Like he had his own bag of problems and backed away from me. I feel so privileged to have a copy of his life. I'm only halfway through I just finished his LDS mission. Now I get to enjoy the juicy parts of his life post-mission. Dennis' time with the military Fulfilling his military obligation at one of the most dangerous times of doing so in this country's history. He could've spent the rest of his life in Ontario where one of our friends from the same ward still lives never coming back from going AWOL and avoiding Vietnam. Dennis also discusses his vocation, families and finally get my hold of a life worth living.

This will be probably the best read of my summer. I so much appreciate Dennis be a part of my life then as now in helping me keep anchored to reality.…

Night Sounds

What are the noises outside my window all night long? I believe I've talked about the skateboard park which is right next to my building. Seriously, outside my window across the driveway literally is the skateboard park a beautiful facility, free to the taxpayers of Taylorsville Utah and really anybody else who wants to imbibe in neck breaking recreational activities. Mix in the that formula adolescent males and you have a prescription for all-night noise. Granted this is is, for the most part, phenomenon which happens in the summer spring and fall but mainly in the summer. The hard-core skaters are year-round except for when there's snow and is too cold for even them to challenge. As it is now however, late summer, these adolescent idiots start around 6:30 AM and will go to who knows when. Technically speaking the skateboard park cannot be used after 10 PM it's that's when these kids start the next shift. I know I sound like the typical old fart trying to quash any fun of anyone younger than myself. But really I hear these guys going at it one two and 3 AM. Thank goodness I've grown somewhat accustomed to the noise and probably have moved it over to the “white” Noise category. Last year for some reason the noise bothered me a lot but not this year. I don't know why the cops are involved it would be easy to sweep these folks away at 10 o'clock but that hasn't happened yet. And this year, there's something else going on I don't know what it is but it sounds like the noise you hear when you pull an old rusty nail out of a board that's been home to that nail for decades. I've heard this noise over and over the past couple of nights. This also another noise which is very peculiar. The noise is very “Stephen King”. A very faint ringing sound like two cymbals, little cymbals struck together causing kind of a metallic ringing sound – very lightly barely audible. I for the most part I learned to tune that noise out as well sometimes though, I just like listening to the sound for some reason the ringing metallic sound is soothing and like I said almost ghostly. Last noise I hear often nearly morning and again just barely audible are the sprinklers as they work through their nightly tasks of watering the shrubs of our building. Again, the sprinklers are very low key and blend into the white noise of the night to the point where the less I force myself to listen I don't hear them. Many times what I do here is when the sprinklers, and then they quickly disappear into the fabric of the background noise. Invariably, I have to hear these noises when I do the old man thing of having to take a whizz in the middle of the night and I pull this night audio quilt up around my ears close my eyes and try to wring a few more minutes or hours of sleep out of my evening

Anxious

 I felt anxious as I woke this morning, early because it's a home health day. Monday after a long weekend. I don't know if the weekend is why I'm feeling anxious or maybe the anxiety could be from the seemingly twinges pain I have been sensing my butt. I'm deathly frightened of skin breakdown. The tweaks of pain that I've sensed are fleeting and minimal and starts My mind churning all kinds of sad scenarios that could be happening but never seem to have any relevance the time I get up. Even on a day when am lucky enough to have home health in to give me a shower and I have my person look at my but and she always says I look okay she sees no skin breakdown or even any reddening of the skin. I'm okay and I take off and have a great day. I know I've babbled before about my propensity towards histrionic behaviors, Sometimes I swear I'm is neurotic is Woody Allen and that's a pretty big putdown. But I sure understand the feeling that whole life is against you just waiting for you to mess up so I can swoop in and put you down. I ask you stinken-thinken? However still I'm going to remain hypervigilant regarding my skin. Last night the cool wind blew in my window. Not cool like the summer cool wind that gently cools one down during the late night hours of a hot sticky night of summer know, this wind carried with it the sure feeling of impending autumn. The wind is not cold enough to suffer and wish I had my other blanket on the bad. I did burrow down in the pillows and comforter I do have on the bed and was quite comfortable. Some is gone though I can tell. I can feel the change and what's more I noticed yesterday afternoon the figure ground effects of changing the sun looks different and shines differently now the evenings come quicker in the mornings later. I don't notice the changes much in the morning but in the evening the sun hits the trees differently. I cannot rightly describe the change and look of the evening sun but it's definitely different and definitely autumn. We definitely have a whole month of August to complete which is actually nearly half over and then three weeks in the September and December will be gone. I sigh a little bit to see another season gone but I feel somewhat encouraged still enjoying the fact that I took a class at the community college and enjoyed the experience and might even take another. I'm struggling to make the decision I don't know if I really want to get myself hosed into two days a week of humping my art equipment down to the college. Doing this over the summer was excitingly new but I can see how this might get old for the long fall semester that gets out 12 December that's a lot of weeks. Anyway, obviously have things to think about and things perseverate over and all kinds of things to worry about…

Nice Rice

Their is just something about Sunday afternoon which calls out for cooking, real cooking, cooking it can take hours to perform. Today is one of those days for me not sure what it was the possibility of using the new wok that I bought last July or maybe the fact that I just had chicken left over from frying earlier in the week then got some decent festivals of the food bank yesterday. Then is not so hot. The backbone of summer has been broken sad to say. I think also for the first time I've noticed the figure ground effects sliding over to autumn as summer begins its slow retreat. This is all good the way the seasons and is the way of cooking.

I knew I was going to be able to do anything spectacular but I really did want to make another big pot of brown rice to eat during the week. I found that when I do this it just makes everything so much better to have meals made for lunch and dinner like just scoop out a cup full (yes I actually measure with a measuring cup 1 cup for dinner or lunch) and that's my meal pretty much. I finally learned how to make rice without the rice maker just on the top of the stove with my favorite saucepan and it's working out great. I found a can of beef broth which I used for the rice and I even shook in about a half a cup of dried onions that I've had for over 10 years I read the “use by date” and it said 08 which I assume is 2008 however there dehydrated and they just stepped right up great flavoring I'm enjoying this. I spent a good part of the afternoon cleaning out the fridge to see what I can put in the rice with the chicken. I found celery which need to be used, a real onion, cabbage(I've really enjoyed getting into using rock cabbage to cook with it really adds a lot of the Asian flavor to the food I like). I got great colored bell peppers red and yellow processed and even some broccoli this is going to be a colorful dish I'm so excited.Like I said preparing this bill to me all afternoon which is exactly what I wanted. Got a full charge of my battery and I have only gone 6/10 of a mile so no charge tonight.

The kitchen is a mess of course. I've chopped and smashed and peeled and boiled all over the stove and the cupboards. I've watched prime pants twice today and other assorted dishes and I yet still have to do another batch so I can put away the rice dish I made. I still have a watermelon to process I don't know if I have enough strength of will to bring such a project to fruition (see how I worked that in there?). I would like to get the melon done tonight but maybe I can have my home health specialist tomorrowAnnette help with the slice and dicing and popping it in the fridge. Well, as they say things are not going to be done by themselves. I just want to make sure I got my 500 words in today And a lot of fun cooking…

Can You Say "Scoliosis?"

I'm really begin to worry about my power chair. The power chair is working all right as far as get me from point a to point B I have no complaints that way. It seems to me the system is morphing but probably more to the point I am the one who is morphing that's beginning to scare the piss out of me. Anyway, I've got the foot box on the power chair to read my spastic legs from spazzing off the chair special on traveling. Full lately have noticed that my right foot is beginning to curl or turn under. This is a very uncomfortable feeling – –.not necessarily painful– – I find that if I take one of the sticks and push my foot up and down my foot will stand or sit correctly on the footplate in the foot box. I used to be able to just lift up my leg and that gravity would straighten my foot out but that doesn't seem to be working anymore. I'm wondering if my specimens are getting worse.

I've known for actually sense my trauma/disability that I have scoliosis of never thought of it as a big deal. I sorry got the impression that all folks is spinal cord injury and up getting scoliosis to some degree sooner or later. I didn't think scoliosis would be significant in my life but maybe I'm wrong. As I've aged I've noticed that my body, most likely spine, seems to be twisting. The twist is somewhat vertical which I never ever even thought about but does the spine twists it throws the rest of my body out of kilter or so I think and therefore I'm getting just some uncomfortable sensations and I notice my right leg seem to be twisting and turning under. I noticed this when I bridge with my chair tilted back that I cannot put weight on my turned foot which makes taking my shorts off somewhat challenging and to some degree putting them on. I think for a year to have been somewhat in denial. It's like I've been through enough I shouldn't have to go through anymore but in all reality this is probably the next step. There's so many things that could negatively go and basically wrong in my life at this point who really affect my independence and a turned foot can certainly be the start. It just seems like so many things are begin to pile up. Still I need to be thankful for how independent I am thanks to my my fairly adequate body. I've noted with a little horror past couple of days my neighbor is a fairly in person this had a stroke and of course one side is affected giving her that zombie lurch when she walks. I just shutter to think what would happen should I even get a minor stroke. We're talking hello long-term-care. No were doing my own shopping, riding the bus and going to movies for this gimp. I just pray that does not happen. I don't know if having a scoliosis as I do will lead to significant pain. I hope not I've noticed that my whole body seems to be twisting which is the next scene in the great play of my life…

September Saturday

"Family"it's weird I'm trying to figure out how to communicate my thoughts about family, more specifically the family of my birth, my birth family. I don't know what is driving me to do what I'm doing and actually I'm kind of confused but what's new right? I am evolving from just watching this whole “family” thing as a distant outsider just wishing to observe this weird phenomenon of which I thought I was exempt. Seriously, as I've mentioned before, I have my hands full with my adopted family wide what I want to get involved with this other group of human beings that I'm genetically matched with? But you know what? I'm doing just that.

As the summer has progressed and I guess the reason summer tends to be the season for family reunions is that it's the best time of the year for travel long-distance or otherwise. It seems my adoptive family has taken a break this year from the reunion thing and maybe that's what is driving me to do what I said I wouldn't do and that's putting together a meeting (note that I'm stopping short from calling this a reunion). It just seems we need to get together for a face-to-face at least for the “new guy” which I think is still me. I have a sister living in Ogden which is relatively close and I really should have figured out a way to have got up thereto meet her. As I was messing with the calendar at the beginning of the week I figured why not let me put some notices out there and see who bites. Of course my brother in Santa Quinn and sister-in-law Carla are up for a visit to for the snow flies and then I made contact with my younger brother Eddie in the Denver area who also consider coming up. I next made contact with my sister, Dubi, the Ogden sister who indicated she was in for the meeting as well just as long as she could get off work and some other issues she's working on. I figured we had a critical mass so I put together a date which is September 27 I believe which is a Friday. I was thinking if we did Friday we could meet visit on Friday possibly Friday evening and decide if we wanted to do anything on Saturday. We do the meet and greet then people can split and leave if they wanted to. I felt by doing early weekend people be able get home on Sunday if they have to work on the following Monday. Since I'm putting this together I'm suggesting that we have the meeting either at the park across the street from my facility or at my facility in the common room. I'm doing this to make it as easy on myself as possible is that bad?

I've thrown the ink in the water I cannot pull it out now. I'm pretty much banking on just the locals showing up who knows I just don't know how radical gene type is I'm sure we'll find out shortly...

Little White Bags

I have been challenging myself this last year so to drag either a lap box I purchased a a year or so ago to pick up things I would usually have to use a plastic bag for. You know those white plastic sacks that seem to be ubiquitous. The kind they give you at the market for just about anything regardless how small. In an effort to be more environmentally proactive I'm really trying to do my part. I also carry in the bottom of my plastic box one of those book bags are cloth bags that are not as ubiquitous as the white plastic bags that seem to be everywhere in the really quite nice actually. When I don't have enough room in the box then I will use the white bag or if the item is very heavy like a watermelon I will have the clerk put the melon in the bag and somehow hang the bag off my chair for the trip home. Even with all this economic proactivity and wanted to do good I still end up bringing 3 to 5 bags home a week, at least! With fury and frustration I thought about how to get rid of these things. I didn't think it would do me any good to put the garbage bags in the garbage because then they just become the landfill's problem is not that that's a problem but it kind is for me. So, what I've been doing is taking a big bag and hanging on the inside doorknob of my closet and then as I would bring knees ugly pieces of plastic home when I removed my groceries or produce that I would just wad the little bag up and stuff it in a larger bag which worked pretty good, that is, and tell you realize you might have up to 50 or 60 bags in the bag on the handle which is now bulging to the point that you can't shut the door. And a wonderful fit of denial I tied off the bulging bag after removing a new starter bag and hanging it on the door handle. I stuffed the bulging back further in the closet. I did this for about a year. Luckily I don't have to open the closet door wide open very often but I do sense that bags working in the dark under the jackets, scarves, sweaters and other closet items. There waiting for me like a nefarious character from a Stephen King novel waiting to engulf me in a deadly polyethylene caress. I don't know why but I once asked one of the checkers at my market about my problem and she said that should bring them in to the market, I never did I never did

I have such a great home health person, her name is Annette and she really try to do more than just my shower and whatever the morning. She thinks of things to do like the my kitchen. She's great. She happened to put something away the other day meeting she had opened the closet and I she did bulging bags cascaded out. It just so happens she has a client who uses one or two bags today for personal use, I did not pry all I know is that Annette said she can use all the bags she could get and took two or three armfuls with her when she left and now I'm bag free and loving it. I still think everyone should be more vigilant and the amount of bags they get from the market. Little white plastic bags are everyone's problem remember to take something with you to cart your groceries home in …

Almost Committed

This afternoon I went to the movies for no particular reason except that I want to go to the movies and it was Wednesday afternoon with nothing particularly burning on the agenda. I figured I need a reward for halfheartedly staying on my diet, finishing my drawing class and putting up my buddy for the night as he was driving back to Mexico. Not that I needed a reward but I just kind of felt that I needed one and really now for the truth. One to go to this place called “Joannes”, Joannes is a craft type of shop. It has all things crafty and artsy. I had been in Joannes before but never for art goods. I wasn't sure if they had what I was looking for what should be 1. Charcoal and 2. A tote board. I found the tote board is the name of the clipboard that we artists (that's a joke you know that) used to draw with. It's the kind of the couple clamps to hold the paper and usually a big humongous rubber band that goes over the edge that holds the bottom part of the paper. I figure I needed new one sense I pretty much destroyed the one I purchased in late May before my class started. Yes you are right you heard right I've pretty much destroyed my first board. I ran over to couple times unintentionally, I think, and this the board is made at a cheap compressed garbage am sure and breaks very easily I mean look I expect me and chair probably weigh 400 pounds. Nothing is going to put up with me too long. Anyway, Joannes conveniently is in the same shopping complex as Regal 16. I figured I would have the time to look around Joannes before the movie started.

Joannes, like I said is a major craft and artsy store. Joannes has everything from Styrofoam balls to everything that has to do with crafts. The place has everything except you have to find it. I could've asked one of the employees but I don't know if it's the male thing or if I just want to kill time. It took me forever to find what I was looking for. Eventually I did find the art section which was good in some respects and poor another's. I picked up some charcoal soft charcoal to do some sketching with but they didn't have a double clamp tote board that I was looking for. I was intrigued with a couple of portfolios they had but I think I'm going to either get over to the community college bookstore are checked the Blick outlet in Sugar House. I love that place. I would like to do tote board but this afternoon when I took my old one out of the portfolio I figured I could actually use it a while longer – – but already my mind is presenting me with reasons why I need another tote board. Funny thing a kind of aside but today was my home health day and my person who is really great is actually given me free minutes of time. She clocks out and we work on a project of my picking at the apartment. She is one of my many supporters who have been encouraging me to do the next step and take the next class.

I know it may sound as if I'm still teetering on the ledge. But there is, within me, building a an urge to go, once again to the SLCC website and check myself into the next class I think I need to take which is called “Basic Drawing”. I think somewhere in my little mind I've made a commitment to take this class. A big part of me is worried that it will be more of the same that we had in the intro class but at least I was drawing and learning technique in drawing which I may or may not need or use but I think is important for me to be involved with. I also like feelings of inclusion in meeting with other people were somewhat art like-minded perhaps that's all I need…

Brothers In Charms

Yesterday was my older brothers birthday, this is my brother Ross was just five years older than me. We were actually quite close growing up. We seem to always be together when we work and school anyway. Anyway, I made the call yesterday to wish happy birthday and all that stuff. It was interesting because he reminded me of how many times did save me one where the other growing up. I've never really thought this way before but it's true he had a point. I was always seemingly caught in near-death situations it seems.

It seems like I was the focus of many family miracles. The first that I was aware of our being told of was having some weird infection/disease process would is only a few months old cause me to have major fever. Realize of course this is in the early 50s. Oddly, I don't have the complete information but it was just my mom my brother and myself living together at the time and Boise. Had this deathly fever and we didn't have a phone so my mother forced Ross to run across the street to the neighbors , who had a phone, that they could call a doctor or whatever. I of course pulled through. Five or six years later it must've been around 1956 it was Thanksgiving and the entire family was coming to our home for Thanksgiving. Since Ross and I were the youngest the adults pretty much want to get rid of us so we went down to the canal which ran right behind our home. Of course it be in November the canal had been drained leaving only puddles and many of the puddles contain fish, suckers. Ross I found it was great sport stoning is poor fish into oblivion. I had noticed but I kept falling on the rocks another slick stones in the bed of the canal. It was at one of these fallings that my brother noticed the little red rubber boot that I had on was completely full of blood. I had somehow fall on a piece of glass or metal of some sort and gashed a big wound up my kneecap and it was bleeding profusely. I think I may have come close to bleeding out I don't know for sure but my brother Ross who was 10 or 11 at the time picked me up and carried me back to the house and they rushed me in the hospital where I stayed number of days. There's no question my brother played an integral part in keeping me alive in the early parts of my life.

These events of got me thinking it seems, growing up that I was just always hanging around deaths doorstep. I didn't even notice that in the time I don't think I ever thought about it and tell we talked yesterday on the phone. I wish that had more time to visit with him regarding these events but I had an evening just coming in from out of town to spend the night who happen to be on the phone as I was talking to my brother. I totally thanked him of course, that is my brother, for saving my life and be in there when I needed him and particularly now being there as part of my life. He's in Boise and I'm here and I don't travel anymore as I don't have the supports and is not the access but that's another story. I hope we get to spend some time together before one of the other winks out. Have a lot of things we need to get straight…

True Confessions

As you know I try to stay away from national events and things that are happening right now in the news i.e. breaking news. It's just that there's so much treatment in the media that I need to waste time on the events of the day is bleak and dark is a seem to be any more. However I've been haunted by the issue that every shooter leaves the family they were raised with to deal with the aftermath of the kids actions. And these are major actions there's no justification regarding what they're doing is just weird. Makes you think about me and my weird actions over my lifetime that thank God I have not carried to completion many of these events. And the ones that I have been involved in for one reason or another have been stifled from coming to fruition. Odd as it sounds and I don't understand why are feel I would be singled out for sparing but I feel at times I've been spared being part of the tragic if not dismal event. For some reason over the past couple of nights after the events of this last week mass shootings of thought about my childhood things that I've done that never really got the publicity are reporting that should've could've happened but didn't.

On our little farm outside of Boise Idaho in the late 50s early 60s I don't remember if it was my older brother for my dad or if the frame of the clubhouse was already there when he moved to that property but at some point we had this great one room clubhouse probably was 10' x 10' x 8' high at least 8 feet high. And there is a great roof on the clubhouse and somehow my dad or my brothers cut a hole in the center of the roof and we put an old table above the hall so sore like a lookout station is pretty cool. Anyway we of course built a ladder going up to the roof of the clubhouse and would hang out there and Associates one-year-old room and kind of fun. We had some neighbors that really never liked the kids there the Pattersons and they had two daughters and a son but they're all different. They were good people we treated them weird and I take responsibility for that even though is really young I just never treated the right. But I know is that my brother and I somehow got Joanne is the oldest of the girls up on top of the clubhouse with her little sister. Once on top of the clubhouse we took away the ladder so they couldn't get down and then threw in burning newspapers. I can't believe we did that and thinking back I know how we thought we could get away with that. Of course there's nothing in the clubhouse I could catch on fire and the burnt newspapers extinguish themselves long before the boards could catch on fire to burn. The girls of course are screaming and all I remember is seeing Mr. and Mrs. Patterson come storming across our fields is fast they can to rescue their daughters.

What's weird is that nothing happened from this incident that I can remember. No groundings, no going to the rooms, no punishment that I remember of any kind except being yelled at little bit by my parents. I'm surprised our neighbors didn't take us to court, I'm surprised I didn't get myself thrown in the detention are my older brother. I probably could sneak out by being the younger brother just been a follower but nothing even happened to me or my brother, Ross which I still to this day think is really weird. I've never really talk about this from his reasons I still wonder if I did not have a significant disability without be like today and I thank God every morning for my disability keeping me out of the legal system…