It's Complicated

 It's complicated, the case of the disappearing dreams or re-occuring dreams the tend to fade as I wake and are forgotten until the next time the dream happens. I usually have no recollection of them at all except that, you know that nudge feeling not quite deja vu but like a dream just happened, upon waking. I don't write our dictate the experience upon waking and I mean immediately upon waking the dream just evaporates like steam from tea. Even now, a good 12 hours later I'm dancing all around the feeling but I can't really express exactly what the dream was about.

Why don't even care? I care because at that moment on waking it seems that was going on the train is the most important thing that is happening in my life is happening right then that I should do something about what is happening but the dream is slipping away. I wish I could remember… I really felt I could do a complete 500 word post on this event but doesn't look like and want to be able to pull that one off. It's just sitting out there just beyond my conscious reach mocking me, taunting me to find it and explore just what it means. I guess I should be glad because what ever the feelings I had that felt like I should be doing something to bring about their reality. And I doubt that I been any shape to do that. Again like I said it probably doesn't matter and I'll be okay until once again I'm faced with a dream upon waking I cannot remember.

I got a weird text from my home health person last night that she was taking her mother in for a dental appointment and was going to be early at 6:30 AM which I thought was weird because that's the time that I would prefer her to show up. I like the early morning, I like to get the essentials out of the way and on my way to the day. But of course she came in almost 7 AM maybe a little after like usual. We did our usual home health dance. She is so good waltzing into the bedroom making the bed – – doesn't have to do that but she does anyway. Then she wanders into the kitchen picks up sweeps up in there finally I hear the vacuum cleaner roaring first in the living room then in the bedroom and I roll off the toilet and into the shower. She towels me off, applies my coconut butter body lotion – – which I really love actually even though it's very very cheap – – picks up my shorts slides them on the top my shoes and I struggle to raise my but high enough in the air to slide my shorts on and she leaves. I will not see her again until Wednesday for the second act which is pretty much the same as the first.

I spent the morning trying to repair my printer which for some reason is gotten messed up. I'm trying to finish up with my monthly letters to the grandkids. I'm not going to be a blueprint the letters however I can get the envelopes to print which I do. I have to finagle one of my online folders to accept my letters and then I'll go to the computer lab on the second floor and use that printer to produce the letters. This project literally takes all morning. The mail is long gone by the time I get my three letters printed folded filled with dollars sealed and stamped and dropped into the mail slot. By then, my butt is hurting. My right hip is sore which hasn't been for weeks. I would like to got my butt tape this morning but that didn't happen so I just have to get by until Wednesday morning. I figure if I lay low today, which I did, I'll be able to be up tomorrow if I have an assist meeting and in the afternoon I've got to go to the burn unit for a follow-up and I don't want to cause any and do, to my butt.

I'm so close to latching on to those thoughts I had this morning but they just won't come. My memory can be so frustrating, It's good I can remember most of the timeI hope that's not indicative of anything…