It
was not really cold yesterday when I went to the movies but still, I
felt like I needed to wear something just in case they had the air
conditioning on the bus or in the movies or something and I didn't
want to have to wear a heavy jacket so I ended up taking a blanket
one of the flannel type blankets I have kicking around here. I've
been using these pieces of flannel to wrap around my legs when I go
out in the cold weather. This gives me that institutional look like
so desire. However, I also wrap blanket around my neck like a muffler
or shawl and then I have something to keep me warm should I need such
a device. I didn't really pay much attention to what I was wearing
until I rolled in from of a shop window or something and I could see
there is a piece hanging down behind me then I saw the shadow on the
ground as I traveled from the bus stop on the way home. Then I
realized once again I am beginning to look like a hobo a bum someone
who's just marginal.
I
must've just – that thought in the back of my mind but must have
been the kernel of inspiration for part of a dream sequence I had
during the night about being homeless, being dirty being unkept and
pathetic. I would like to think this would not really affect me much
in real life but the more I laid there post dream the more I really
didn't want to be one of those public transit hobos. I know things
are always magnified beyond recognition in the dream. I suppose it's
the way the body/brain let you know that you might need to be paying
attention to something. Of course, once I realized what was happening
I began to distance myself from my gut feeling which I don't know if
that's all that healthy. But all day long I've been thinking about my
appearance and do I need to be working on it. Perhaps its
rationalization but you know I did order new shirts the last month or
so and I did order a new hoodie. Sometimes I were the hoodie or a
heavy sweater around my neck like a preppy. Perhaps this is what I
need to do instead of wrapping the blanket around my shoulders. It's
when the blanket hangs down or drags behind me that I think I am most
at risk for looking downtrodden. The bottom line is that I need to
care what I look like and then work at it. Nothing like a good cliché
insert (nothing of value ever comes easy or something like that) and
I suppose it's true. If I really cared I would be wearing socks socks
in the summertime and socks in the wintertime. I would also where
long pants especially in the wintertime. I think that's when people
notice most of person that wheelchair and shorts. I'm not going to do
the latter two items just because one I'm lazy and to I'm cheap. I
have found that I cut my clothes washing experience probably in half.
I also cut the weight of the dirty clothes hamper in half as well
lugging the close back-and-forth to the washer and dryer. I could
wear socks with us just another item I have to take off to go to bed.
I just don't know why this creeps me out so much should not I
shouldn't care but apparently how I appear in public does. You know I
did some research on shawls a little while ago and found that there
are some made for men – – Middle East men. What if I got one of
those to wrap around my shoulders and then I just have to be cautious
about being targeted as the Unabomber…
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