I Hate Boxes

Boxes, I'm beginning to hate boxes. Today of course I handed in my homework that I been fretting on for two days. I knew the homework was dismal and okay the sharing part is just so public and is not that big a deal. I was kind of hoping we would do something else but today's assignment was more block stuff.

I'm really trying to keep my affection if not love for drawing but it's getting harder and harder each class that I attend. It's not like I'm not going to finish this class – – I guess I could stop going and be out the measly $10 but it's more than that. It would be shrinking from a challenge. Today was a very big challenge for me just to get the class. Yesterday evening the whole controller to my power chair which is attached to my right arm of my chair completely fell off! I mean the whole thing snapped off of the mount. Actually the devices attached by a fairly thin piece of metal and granted I had plowed into enough things to bend that thing up then have to have to bended down and in the process kept wearing that weak point more and more until it finally fell off completely. I had to figure out how to drive the chair with the controller either on my lap are at my side I had to drive slowly. I bumped into a lot of stuff a totally trashed out my little living area specially my art space. It was late at least 8 o'clock. I'd given up hope that the wheelchair shop would bring my chair around. In fact at some point in time after the shop closed I looked at my messages and sure enough they called me at 4 o'clock as soon to either tell me they are bringing my chair out or they need to keep it another day. I was trying to figure out how to drive my chair. I figured I could make the drive safely to the bus stop then all the way down to UCAT where I could get my friend Paula mounting bar off one of the other chairs. This would mean I miss Drawing but that would have been more important to get the chair drivable. Luckily however, I almost missed a call from IHC medical. It was about 10 o'clock and the guy was asking me did I still want him to bring out my chair but I want to go to bed. I felt so relieved illiberal of course I wanted to bring my chair around. He said he would but it beat about 11 PM I didn't care.

I didn't have an excuse to not go to Drawing. Everything seemed to be against me this morning I just couldn't get the clipboard inside the black bag. I eventually got everything together for class but it was 15 minutes before class was to start. I didn't have the faith to wait for the bus and drove my chair all the way to class. Was the bad drive in the morning was very nice and then instructor had not come yet they didn't come for another 10 minutes I was not late.

He jumped on the new assignment by finding a number of huge wooden boxes setting in front of this class. He wants to drop three of the boxes in one dimension incorrect perspective relationship to each other. I was so frustrated and it seemed like something else I cannot even begin the process. When he turned us loose for the exercise we had about two hours left in the class and I just sat there looking at my paper and occasionally making a few marks but they were wrong. I don't know how and going to do this assignment except to just try, throw caution to the wind, do the best that I can maybe even call Carl and see if he might be able to assist me in some of the process. What really worries me is that the feelings that I am experiencing of not knowing how to do this project are the same feelings I had experienced in school particularly in mathematics. The teacher would explain the process I thought that I would have the idea on how to do the work and when I went to do the work I could not do squat. It's the same exact feeling I don't know and I cannot blame my head injury are my trauma because I had these feelings before and it feels the same now. I mean I could be totally developmentally disabled I mean I could be totally what is assumed as mentally retarded at least not one particular concept. I would like to be exotic and say I had some sort of blind spot to doing this kind of work. Bottom line like I've said before since I don't really have to worry about a grade per se do the job the best that I can exact a measure of joy from being able to do such a project and take away as much as I can but continued to be drawing on my own and drawing my own things I love like my donkeys. Still maximum frustration…