Dream A Little Dream

I Stayed up last night way too late. I know better and I'm stronger but yesterday or last night I got caught in a video loop on the Internet, you know when video leads to the next video leads to the next. Each video is 10 to 20 minutes long you think okay that's okay I'll close down right after this one and it goes on and on until finally you have to say pull the plug of got a get some sleep. I pulled the plug around 1:30 AM but oddly I still woke up around 5 AM. I felt pretty good all day unsurprised. Strangely however is that for a good part of the night for what seemed to be a long long dream I was trapped in the time and place which I felt was real. Is it not strange how real a dream can feel? In this dream I am actually staying with the family that was kind of part of my youth. I did not have really any strong connections to them. Their son was my age and we were fairly close but a long ways from being my best friend or anything like that but in the dream I was staying at their home or they were letting me stay at their home at the same time they are asking me How I was doing with finding a place to live which cause to be undue pressure. I struggled to try to figure out how I was going to find a place to live than move all of my stuff to wherever I found and it just seemed impossible. Thank goodness I woke up. But in the first moments of twilight after waking I had to once again figure out where I was who I was and what I was doing and then in the giant flood of relief I came to full consciousness and realized I have a place to live, I have a nice home with warm blankets, a refrigerator closes the closet a pantry full can goods ground coffee and a subscription service to home health services. I'm relatively independent and making my own way all things considered. What a relief it was just a dream. But it's a reoccurring dream I don't have the exact dream every time this happens but it's the same feeling of being adrift with no means of support and I'm always static to realize upon waking this was only a dream. I have this dream maybe once a month it seems. My question is what does it mean? What is this dream I have of being out on my own and still being helpless? I must be feeling inadequate somewhere along the line. I don't think it had anything to do with getting caught in a You Tube loop . Possibly, perhaps I'm processing what's going on on the national agenda. As this country tries to settle the question of who's going to be the next president of the United States. I would like to think that it doesn't really matter much to me (of course it does I don't know if I can take another four years of the current administration). I think it matters more than I think. I'm worried about how you going to make it this country rips apart in the systems crash even more than they already are. I mean what if Social Security actually crumbles? Certainly always been enough talk of this. I have to admit I was a little disappointed that we didn't get another pandemic payment or whatever they call the payment which showed up in my bank account recently. There is talk there's going to be another. I think there will be but it's going to be a while. I'm okay with or without another economy stim check but it sure would be nice to have a little bit more of the buffer in the old bank account. Perhaps this is the interpretation of my dream I'm waiting for the Fed to step in and take care of the symbolically or whatever. Oddly to me it's weird how I can subsist on five hours of sleep but I do on a regular basis. I don't know how I would feel if I was doing a regular schedule like I used to, for instance today would be library day and out of gone over to book club. However, book club is a thing of the past and like everything else I'm just getting by searching desperate for the new normal one dream of time… Stayed up last night way too late. I know better and I'm stronger but yesterday or last night I got caught in a video loop on the Internet, you know when video leads to the next video leads to the next. Each video is 10 to 20 minutes long you think okay that's okay I'll close down right after this one and it goes on and on until finally you have to say pull the plug of got a get some sleep. I pulled the plug around 1:30 AM but oddly I still woke up around 5 AM. I felt pretty good all day unsurprised. Strangely however is that for a good part of the night for what seemed to be a long long dream I was trapped in the time and place which I felt was real. Is it not strange how real a dream can feel? In this dream I am actually staying with the family that was kind of part of my youth. I did not have really any strong connections to them. Their son was my age and we were fairly close but a long ways from being my best friend or anything like that but in the dream I was staying at their home or they were letting me stay at their home at the same time they are asking me How I was doing with finding a place to live which cause to be undue pressure. I struggled to try to figure out how I was going to find a place to live than move all of my stuff to wherever I found and it just seemed impossible. Thank goodness I woke up. But in the first moments of twilight after waking I had to once again figure out where I was who I was and what I was doing and then in the giant flood of relief I came to full consciousness and realized I have a place to live, I have a nice home with warm blankets, a refrigerator closes the closet a pantry full can goods ground coffee and a subscription service to home health services. I'm relatively independent and making my own way all things considered. What a relief it was just a dream. But it's a reoccurring dream I don't have the exact dream every time this happens but it's the same feeling of being adrift with no means of support and I'm always static to realize upon waking this was only a dream. I have this dream maybe once a month it seems. My question is what does it mean? What is this dream I have of being out on my own and still being helpless? I must be feeling inadequate somewhere along the line. I don't think it had anything to do with getting caught in a You Tube loop . Possibly, perhaps I'm processing what's going on on the national agenda. As this country tries to settle the question of who's going to be the next president of the United States. I would like to think that it doesn't really matter much to me (of course it does I don't know if I can take another four years of the current administration). I think it matters more than I think. I'm worried about how you going to make it this country rips apart in the systems crash even more than they already are. I mean what if Social Security actually crumbles? Certainly always been enough talk of this. I have to admit I was a little disappointed that we didn't get another pandemic payment or whatever they call the payment which showed up in my bank account recently. There is talk there's going to be another. I think there will be but it's going to be a while. I'm okay with or without another economy stim check but it sure would be nice to have a little bit more of the buffer in the old bank account. Perhaps this is the interpretation of my dream I'm waiting for the Fed to step in and take care of the symbolically or whatever. Oddly to me it's weird how I can subsist on five hours of sleep but I do on a regular basis. I don't know how I would feel if I was doing a regular schedule like I used to, for instance today would be library day and out of gone over to book club. However, book club is a thing of the past and like everything else I'm just getting by searching desperate for the new normal one dream of time…